Thought Catalog

When You Have A Broken Heart

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When you have a broken heart, you’ll forget who you are. You’ll lose yourself in the hurt of all the gruesome shards that are stabbing against your lungs and stomach; you’ll be consumed by the sickly feeling you get each time you move and the cuts sting and widen deeper. You’ll cry and beg, and wish you were a different person, a more loveable person, anyone but you. You’ll become obsessed with pitying yourself, intoxicated by this pathetic self-centeredness.

You’ll lie in bed all day and sob. Every little thing will cause your eyes to water. The way the light falls across the empty pillow next to you, the tiny specks of dust circling your face, the pile of clothes that lies limply by your side, discarded in drunken desperation the night before. You’ll force yourself up to drag on a cigarette and with each breath you draw, another tear, another reminder of all the things he did that tore you limb from limb until you were left this awful, crying, smoking shell.

When you have a broken heart, everything becomes a remnant. You’ll look down at your hands and disbelief will slap you in the face as you imagine that they once intertwined with another person’s. That sweater you wore the night you ran three blocks to kiss him for the first time (you’ll never wear it again), the show you used to watch together (you’ll never watch it again), the juice in the fridge you drank when you were both so hung over — every tiny little thing in your environment will be imbibed with a jealous history that haunts you from all the little corners you never even knew existed.

One minute you’re Superman, the next you’re sh-tting kryptonite and you’re weak and sore. You thought maybe you’d found someone special only to realize that they never thought the same of you. The revelation disenfranchises you, numbs you, you’re defeated. Everything you hoped and dreamed for is dashed, but worse, all the laughs and morning sex and him looking into your eyes was just a fat lie, a big joke, and you can’t help but feel an enveloping sense of hopelessness. You want to believe that everything happens for a reason, but you get to thinking that everything happens because you’re useless.

When you have a broken heart, you won’t know how to put it back together. You’ll be screaming inside everywhere you go, and while you’re smiling at all the people around you, telling them you’re over this and that, and you definitely think that guy across the bar and a cutie and you’re going to give him your number — inside, it’s all aflame. You’ll find yourself in someone else’s bed eventually, thinking this is the way to fix it, but as you hobble down the street to take the train home in the morning, you’ll feel more broken hearted than ever.

When you have a broken heart, you’ll overlook the fact that your heart’s been broken, and more importantly, unbroken, before. You won’t remember that you’re a Wolverine; that you will heal in time by doing almost nothing. You’ll be oblivious to the fact that love has come and gone in your life because you’re blinded by your current pain, just like every pain before had blinded you, made you completely self indulgent. When you have a broken heart, even if you don’t know it, bloody sinews are reaching out for one another, somewhere inside your pounding chest, they’re intertwining, fusing slowly, meticulously; you are being put back together every day, and you barely even know it. TC mark

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    • alexa

      Thanks, I needed that. I recently had my heart broken 2 days ago and though it hasn’t been the first time, I always kept in mind what this article was talking about since that fateful day. So thanks for the reminder! :)

    • Msoria88

      Ugh. This is me.

    • Jane Doe

      I’ve felt everything you wrote, all the excruciating pain.. but I dont forget i can heal, I know I will eventually, I just get even more desperate for knowing how long it will take, for realising that the next few months, maybe a year of my life will be full of pain, obcessing moments, me disliking myself even more. And also because I know, that after every heartbreak, I become less trusting, less inocent, and more and more difficult to love and be loved… 

      • Katgeorge

        This is the most depressing Monday morning ever, hey?

    • Michaelwg

      When I have a broken heart my World of Warcraft account gets re-activated and the curtains get drawn and Dominos gets put on speed dial. The 3 step healing process.

      • Katgeorge

        Marry me?

        • Michaelwg

          Done. And. Done.

        • Katgeorge

          Married at the church of Blizzard.

    • evrgrnjaye

      ‘When you have a broken heart, even if you don’t know it, bloody sinews are reaching out for one another, somewhere inside your pounding chest, they’re intertwining, fusing slowly, meticulously; you are being put back together every day, and you barely even know it.’
      gorgeousss! thank you so much <3

    • http://twitter.com/edushke Edite A

      I know it’s sad BUT I try to relate to something like this and I can’t… I guess the question is: Am I missing out on a piece of life by never having been in this position? I think that at some point I need to have this happen to me in order to feel complete, fulfilled etc. So, given that I’m in my mid-30’s and I become more and more desensitized to the touch of LOVE, I don’t know if I should continue to deliberately look for a heartbreaker or wait until I’m menopausal to regain some sense of sensitivity… ;P
      This is very well written, however!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=667441091 Archita Trisal

        You’ve never had a broken heart? Well, I be damned! I seem to be in a perpetual broken hearted state, only the men keep changing.

        • http://twitter.com/edushke Edite A

          But I bet you feel more alive and relevant because of it … at least it hasn’t scared you away from trying again

    • Makaveli36

      I wish you wrote this when I was in that 6 month post break up phase.  I’m on month 9 now.  Thanks for nothing!

      • Annie

        I’m at 6 months right now and this is exactly what I needed — to be able to look back and realise I’m not that person anymore, but at the same time to know that it can still get so much better.

    • Adam M

      My takeaway– everyone is Wolverine

      • Katgeorge

        neat, huh?

    • http://twitter.com/MisiaGalka Misia Galka

      I stopped reading after Wolverine, that was all I needed to see.

    • Heathem89

      beautifully written

    • Nate

      “You thought maybe you’d found someone special only to realize that they never thought the same of you. The revelation disenfranchises you, numbs you, you’re defeated. Everything you hoped and dreamed for is dashed, but worse, all the laughs and morning sex and him looking into your eyes was just a fat lie, a big joke, and you can’t help but feel an enveloping sense of hopelessness. You want to believe that everything happens for a reason, but you get to thinking that everything happens because you’re useless.”   — Fantastic line and fantastic article. Amazing if you’ve been here before you know exactly how the person feels, stranger or not, every painful second. 

    • appl3

      on month 6. much needed. thank you.

    • Ray

      Kat George is back?? Best Monday ever!!

    • Guest

      You’ve described it and captured it better than anyone else I’ve ever read has. This piece is reassuring considering it’s the first time I’ve had to go through this…good to know that it really does getter better one day.

    • cnessiel

      Thank you.

    • Ripp

      going on 11 months and this still brings tears to my eyes. Broken hearts suck. But at least this ended positively and, perhaps one day, mine will too. 

    • Anonymous

      what did i do to you why are you making me cry

    • Lavnyc

      I love your writing, Kat. It’s amazing. I’m probably the oldest woman who reads your work (almost 41) and it resonates with me every time.

    • Ohshafiqa

      thank you. i needed this.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1271070228 Megan Nicole

      “You’ll find yourself in someone else’s bed eventually, thinking this is the way to fix it, but as you hobble down the street to take the train home in the morning, you’ll feel more broken hearted than ever.” <– THISSSSS. This whole paragraph is my life right now, I really hope I make it to the last one…

    • Leapingsweetly

      “That sweater you wore the night you ran three blocks to kiss him for the first time (you’ll never wear it again)”

      UGHHH Kat George…you just get me. Every. time.

    • Shatha H.

      “When you have a broken heart, you won’t know how to put it back together. You’ll be screaming inside everywhere you go, and while you’re smiling at all the people around you”

    • Lisa Grace Favazzo

      That could not have been put more perfectly. 

    • SammyD

      3.5 months. It does get better. Just try and stay busy. Thank you. 

    • http://twitter.com/rfarahmand Roxana Farahmand

      Yes. This is EXACTLY how I feel. 4 months into it and I’m still feeling this way.
      Amazing. Thank you for this.

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