Why I Think Online Dating Is Stupid

Online dating is dumb. I’ve never been on a date with someone I met exclusively online. I have spent some time perusing online dating sites, and once, I set up a mock profile. I was completely put off by the whole experience to the point that I can barely fathom why any sociable 20-something who isn’t completely deranged would bother with the farce that is online dating. Here’s why I think online dating is the most moronic thing on the internet. (Rebecca Black is even less moronic than online dating.)

You’re not a leper

Unless you are. Are you a leper? Are you mobile? Do you own clothes? Do you have enough money to buy a beer? (I’m guessing yes, seeing as you have enough money for both a computer and an internet connection.) If you’re not a leper and answered yes to all of the above, get off your computer seat and go to a bar if you want to meet someone. YOU NEED VITAMIN D, ALCOHOL, AND HUMAN INTERACTION TO SURVIVE.

When I think of online dating, I think of divorcees and fat people

There’s nothing wrong with being divorced or fat, and I’m not suggesting there is. In fact, being divorced or fat are both excellent life choices, and kudos to you if you’re both. The thing is, I simply associate online dating with people who have fewer options for dating. For instance, the single mother of three who doesn’t have the time or energy to go out and meet men. Or the obese elderly man who still lives at home with his mother and for whatever reason finds it difficult to go out and meet the ladies. PLEASE DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME: I’m not saying I don’t think the divorced, parents, elderly or obese should not go out to meet people, nor am I suggesting that they can’t meet people by going out. I’m just saying that I think of online dating as recourse for those who might, for whatever reason, be inconvenienced, intimidated or disenfranchised from more traditional modes of meeting lovers.

Bars exist

So go to one. I know too many young, vibrant, intelligent 20-somethings who online date. It’s ludicrous, especially in New York. There are a million bars open every night with a million different people in them. The day 26-year-old me can’t walk into a bar and meet a man isn’t the day I start online dating, it’s the day I stop living.

Do you really want to tell your grandkids you met their nan/ pop online?

Grandkid: C’mon nan/ pop, tell us how you met! Was it sooooooo romantic in the olden days before we just apparated everywhere and pre-crime actually became a real thing?

You: Well actually, I picked your nan/ pop out of hundreds of online profiles that I sat alone in my room reading on my own. Sort of like how people chose you for a job!

Grandkid: Oh…

And this is the reason why people lie about meeting their partner online. It’s really, really embarrassing and not romantic or interesting at all.

There’s no mystery

And there’s no risk either! You know whether or not someone wants to get married and how many kids they want right off the cuff! It’s amazing, you can’t go wrong! Really? Then what is there to talk about? Isn’t the most wonderful part about falling in love the discovery? Whether it’s discovering that person isn’t right for you, or what their favorite ice cream flavor is, the slow burn breeds intimacy and excitement in the early stages of a relationship. Why be so impatient? Stupid “now” generation. When you go into your first date with an extensive dossier of someone’s interests, then you’re just fast forwarding through the most fun part. And don’t even try to tell me mistakes aren’t fun, too.

On the flip side, maybe there’s too much mystery

Who’s to say the person advertising themselves via the dating website is who they say they are? The mildest form is they’re not as hot/ not as interesting as they appear online, but the scariest scenario would be turning up do a date with a total stranger who is some sort of psychotic-rapist-serial-killer-murderer person. Because violent crime is like, hella romantic.

I would never date a guy who was into online dating

Even if I was into online dating (and when I have perused dating sites) my train of thought would be something like, “Oh he’s cute. So why is he doing online dating? What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he get a real date? Weirdo.” TC mark

image – Don Hankins
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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=500654073 Kevin Kelly Kenkel

    ugh, you’re totally “that girl,” aren’t you.

    • Rib it

      We’re really beyond “that girl” at this point. 

    • Tom

      Yep. She’s that girl.

  • http://thefirstchurchofmutterhals.blogspot.com/ mutterhals

    I think it takes the fun out of dating.

  • Tom

    Not the best piece you’ve ever done, Kat. 

  • Chick

    Kat.. you’re an asshole. 

  • Guest

    “you need alcohol to survive.” LOL OK. so since i don’t drink, guess i can only meet people like a moron, or IRL by accident at places that are not bars. cause i don’t go out to bars.

    one night stand beer goggles = online daters using old or inaccurate photos … you’re taking that risk either way. at least when i’m on a date sober i won’t have beer goggles confusing me about whether the person is at the very least interesting to talk to.

  • Guest

    “you need alcohol to survive.” LOL OK. so since i don’t drink, guess i can only meet people like a moron, or IRL by accident at places that are not bars. cause i don’t go out to bars.

    one night stand beer goggles = online daters using old or inaccurate photos … you’re taking that risk either way. at least when i’m on a date sober i won’t have beer goggles confusing me about whether the person is at the very least interesting to talk to.

  • http://twitter.com/linaroque Lina Roque

    I think I would rather meet someone online rather than at a bar…I feel like the type of people who frequent bars aren’t really the ones looking for a relationship?

    • Kait

      More often than not, meeting someone at a bar isn’t exactly a romantic story to tell your grandkids, either. 

    • Kait

      More often than not, meeting someone at a bar isn’t exactly a romantic story to tell your grandkids, either. 

  • http://twitter.com/Erikhaspresence Erik Stinson

    this is so purist, its chill

  • Matt

    Some of us don’t like the people we meet at bars because  we know that all the nice, cute girls are at home baking cookies. Some of us don’t want to waste our money at bars and make “mistakes” because we’ve already done enough of that in our lives. Maybe that’s for weirdos. Ever think of it that way?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WQXSSKAMOU4WCHKCWYMUKKKNU Aladin Sane

    Ah, another “having fun with stereotypes” article. And if you think picking up someone in a bar is superior, then, well, fuck it.

  • Frendofseph

    on with you on this.

  • Frendofseph

    with you on this.

  • Chick A Dee

    i hope you die alone, miserable, and bitching about how dumb everything is. 

    i’ll be happy enjoying my house, dog, kids … and husband … WHO I MET ONLINE (omgthatasthedumbestthingever)

  • freddy

    “I know too many young, vibrant, intelligent 20-somethings who online date.” Man, I gotta start online dating to meet these people. Bars are full of weirdos.

  • anonymous

    This article is reaching . Get over yourself bar slut.

  • Notalush

     Right, because telling your grandkids that you met their grandpa/ma online is sooo much worse than saying that one of your wasted one-night-stands ended up calling you back…

  • http://twitter.com/MikeRoe Mike Roe

    Love the PASSION. However, as someone who isn’t particularly interested in finding a girl who’s hot but dumb as a rock, I find just trying to chat up random girls in a bar kind of boring. I like online dating, and also try to meet girls at things I’m interested in where I think the chances of finding someone I have something in common with are higher, but I don’t think a bar is going to be that place. (I think I have the same attitude toward bars that the author has toward online dating.)

    • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

      We should probably grab a beer. From the comfort of our respective homes.

  • Dnalyfe

    This is the most ridiculous crap I’ve ever read. I can just picture myself meeting this chick and absolutely loathing every minute that I have to spend talking to her.

  • http://twitter.com/versayce Tom Sullivan

    What about folks who find it insanely difficult to approach someone at a bar/elsewhere in real life? I’m painfully shy, and online dating makes it a helluva lot easier for me to meet people.

    This article is ridiculous. Get over yourself.

  • Homsar315

    Many things about online dating are not ideal, however if you’re gay and live in a city with a relatively small gay/lez community, anything you can do to up your chances of meeting a cute girl who’s also into girls just makes sense

    • Robin

      THIS. I have contended for a while now that online dating benefits the gays most of all because it cuts out the whole “Oh, I think they are cute but are they gay or straight?” thing. Gay people have a harder time because in a lot of cases they can’t initially tell if someone is gay or not so randomly hitting on people at a bar can be very hit or miss. Online dating solves this — at least you know you are flirting with someone you have a chance with at all!

    • Cmc253

      This is even the truth in big cities. I just moved from one huge city to a big one, and both still only have 1 lesbian bar. Online dating helps meet other queers, because we just can’t hop into any bar on the street and meet possible suitors.

  • Nope

    weak

  • Taylor B.

    I agree with your premise, but your arguments are all kind of…dumb. I can’t bring myself to date online because I can’t stand the thought of sitting in a room with someone who is only superficially compatible with me and trying to get to know each other. I believe relationships should be born organically, out of friendship. When I ask my parents or their friends how they met their significant other, they had either been friends, they met through a mutual friend and took it slow, or they met in a bar. Of course, this is not to knock the successful internet relationships–I met my current boyfriend on Facebook (though a mutual friend), so I understand that sometimes the internet can act as a real-life-imitating medium. 

    But ultimately, online dating removes the mystery. The first time you meet, the setting will be “date.” I would rather get coffee or walk around or do ANYTHING but sit in a dimly lit room with a guy I know almost nothing about. 

    • Matt

      Why can’t your first date be getting coffee and walk around? Why does every date have to be at a bar? I think that’s the problem that’s going on in this article — think outside the box, people. A date can be anything you want it to be.

      • palindromic

        Exactly! All my first dates (okay, all two of them – I’m just starting) from online dating have been coffee and board games, then walking around for awhile. Totally awesome, totally what I’m looking for. 

    • Anonymous

      Sitting in a dimly lit room talking to someone only superficially interested in you isn’t online dating, that’s meeting someone in a bar. Most people I know who online date meet the first time for lunch or coffee. A brief meeting before a date.

  • gina

     “I’ve never been on a date with someone I met exclusively online.” And suddenly you’re an expert on the topic?  Urrghhhhh, I don’t even know where to start on this. Can’t believe I’m about to explain such an inane concept here, but here goes: not every sociable/thin/hot/interesting/20-something/yadda/yadda/yadda person is the same as you, hence why some people online date/others don’t. It’s called diversity. Failing to acknowledge this is called ignorance. Plus it’s douchey to lump oldies, fatties and single mothers into their own alienated category. You only have the privilege of sticking them there because ‘babes’ such as yourself continually designate others as different (read:lesser) than yourself. 

    • Chick A Dee

      this x100

  • http://twitter.com/palespectre flipside of a memory

    Wow but what type of people do you meet at bars. I guess that depends where you are or what bar. But I’d rather meet people online myself.  Or maybe you meant  “Why I think online dating SITES are stupid.”  Because dating sites seem dodgy to me too. To me though, there are many people online who are infinitely more interesting than people at some bar. But then I suppose this piece is really geared towards mid-20s or below, and I shouldn’t be here perusing the articles.

    And no matter how much you said you didn’t mean anything bad, I get you but it is still quite judgemental.

    I shall go back to the cave for the aged.

  • Really

    You’re actually the worst, and the privilege and lack of life experience that you so blatantly exemplify here is vile. You’ll just call me a poorly socialized fatty and write off this comment, but please. Get some perspective.

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