You’re waiting for something. Waiting for an email or for the phone to ring. Waiting to be asked out on a date. Waiting to hear about a job. Waiting to hear about a friend or family member. Waiting to know if your apology will be accepted. No matter what you’re waiting for, it probably feels like you’re dying a little bit inside with every minute that passes and radio silence continues.
You’re basically waiting to hear some news that is going to change your life some way, most likely for the better or for the worse, so it’s kind of a big deal. As such (and if you’re anything like me) you’re probably completely incapable of doing anything even vaguely productive during this purgatory. Here are a few completely unproductive things (listed in order from most to least productive) you can try doing to distract yourself and hopefully make time pass faster.
Squeeze ingrown hairs
This is the most productive unproductive thing you can do while waiting, mostly because you will get an overwhelming sense of satisfaction when a great big long hair that was hidden below the skin’s surface snakes out to take you by surprise. Arm yourself with a pair of tweezers and go for it—you’ll have tiny little red marks all over your body afterward but it will have been worth it.
Take ridiculous photos of yourself on Photo Booth
Display a range of emotions and pull different faces, especially ones where you bulldog your bottom teeth over your upper lip and make your eyes bulge. Use as many effects and fantasy backgrounds as humanly possible. Also, take millions and millions of photos that no one except you will ever see, and even then you’ll probably never look at them again.
Stare at yourself in the mirror
Don’t actually do anything like fix your hair or pluck your eyebrows. Just sort of pout at yourself and pull your cheeks into funny faces. This is what will probably give you the genius idea to start taking stupid photos on Photo Booth. God speed.
Watch YouTube videos you have seen a billion times before
I like to peruse Beyonce’s back catalog, which almost always leads to hours of Destiny’s Child videos. Watch the same video on repeat if you like, and as many times as you like—there are no taboos here, you are completely wasting your time and will have nothing to show for it afterward.
Refresh, refresh, refresh (then refresh again)
Refresh all your open browser windows, especially the social media ones, at least once a minute. Continue to do this even though nothing changes and rather than allaying your anxiety, it actually causes you further restlessness. Not only are you being unproductive, you are finally succeeding in being counter-productive.
Throw yourself down on the bed or the floor
Contort yourself into weird positions and flop about. Not to be confused with yoga.
Read this post
While it will give you some ideas for idle things to do while you’re waiting, none of these things are of any use to anyone, not even you, really. Congratulations, if you’ve got this far you are a true non-achiever.
Think about doing something productive
Spend at least an hour thinking about going down the street to get a coffee, doing your laundry, cleaning your room or washing the dishes. Don’t do any of these things. Repeat.
Stare at the wall (or any other inanimate object without words or moving parts)
If I need to explain to you why this is the least productive thing you can possibly do then you’re pretty much my hero. Go forth and pass time frivolously, oh bold one.