Why You Are Wrong For Me

There are so many reasons why you are right for me. Look! I even made them into a neat list so they’re clear to you:

  • We’re enjoying getting to know each other
  • We make each other laugh
  • We have many similar personality traits
  • We are honest with each other
  • We see eye-to-eye on many important issues
  • We are good at communicating with one another
  • We feel comfortable together
  • We’re attracted to each other (well I’m at least attracted to you, and I’m guessing you are to me because sometimes you look at me funny)
  • We look really cute together
  • I get really excited when it’s time to go see you
  • It just sort of feels right and natural to be in each other’s company

See! Lots of reasons why you’re right for me, based on what I’m looking for in a partner (and what I assume you, too, are looking for, because we’re so similar in many ways), and these are only the wingtip of the lovebird—I could go on but I don’t want to bore you. And because I don’t think I want to try and convince you that you’re not seeing what’s dancing around in front of your nose throwing glitter and puppy dogs at you yet going completely unnoticed. I shouldn’t have to convince you.

Because, listen, despite all the reasons you’re right for me, there’s one huge, pus-filled blemish that trumps all the other bullet points—you’re not interested in me. Whether you like me or not is irrelevant. You can like me until the cows come home but that’s not going to change the fact that your interest level is humming gently at zero and you’ve got your stupid fat foot on the break (not bitter, promise; your foot is just stupid and fat and that’s not my fault).

So you are wrong for me. You are wrong for me because your mouth doesn’t instinctively melt into mine. You are wrong for me because you’re baulking, and I don’t even really care why anymore, just that you are. You are wrong for me because you can see a way to be without me. And when I think about all the things I’m looking for in a partner, all the other bullet points blur into insignificance if you’re not interested in me.

I thought I was done with romance after all the failed ones, but it turns out I’m not yet ready for the cynical, arms-length relationships I’ve been having. I’m not actually all that broken, believe it or not. Wait, no… Yep, I’m still completely functional. And I want someone to want me like Ryan wanted Marissa. I want you to look at me, to speak to me, to be intrigued by me and to decide, quite simply, “Her.”

You’re wrong for me, and I’m OK with that. I don’t want to be with someone who is wrong for me. Welcome to NYC, bitch—there’s all types of wrong for me out here. And besides, if you were right for me we’d already be together, because that’s what happens when people are right for each other. TC mark

image – Natalie Nikitovic

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  • Naa

    Good GOD you are an awful writer. Maybe you’d find someone if you could shut the fuck up about yourself for five minutes.

    • Megan Do

      You’re an idiot.

      Not you, Kat. You’re wonderful.

    • ATL

      That’s rude.

    • mashka

      while I’m not always a fan of Kat’s stuff, she is succeeding in yes- writing about her real experiences yet making it relatable to an audience so as not to alienate anyone. I think she’s succeeded here.

      • mashka

        my point being, your point is invalid.

      • Jasmine

        that audience = disgruntled 14-year old girls? Come on, Kat, this isn’t Livejournal

    • Alexis

      Seriously unnecessary “NAA”

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

    “You are wrong for me because you can see a way to be without me.”

    This pretty much sums everything up. 

    • SusanDerkins

      I don’t think so. Not being able to be without someone sounds more like codependency than a healthy relationship practice. People should be with who they love because they want to be not because they have to be.  

      • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

        I agree. There is nothing attractive about codependency.

        But I do favor the romantic notion that two people who want to be together badly enough will make it happen. 

  • mashka

    ” And besides, if you were right for me we’d already be together, because that’s what happens when people are right for each other”.

    IDK if this is entirely true. There’s sometimes lots of circumstances that keep people that are meant to be together apart for whatever reason. Hello romantic comedies and dramas wouldn’t exist otherwise.

    • tired

      And those are so realistic

      • mashka

        I was being partially sarcastic on the last part. I still stand by it though.

  • Megan Do

    This is exactly what I needed to hear.

  • jcathe

    “You can like me until the cows come home but that’s not going to change
    the fact that your interest level is humming gently at zero and you’ve
    got your stupid fat foot on the break (not bitter, promise; your foot is
    just stupid and fat and that’s not my fault).”

    This fucking right here. You are the best grlfran I don’t have. Kat George, you are always right for me.

  • tired

    I could seriously use some one interested in a cynical arms-length relationship.   Thats going on  okc

  • chibicarol

    I love this and wish I had read it 10 years ago when I first started dating in NYC.  But I probably would have ignored it.  I needed to learn for myself. 

  • chibicarol

    I love this and wish I had read it 10 years ago when I first started dating in NYC.  But I probably would have ignored it.  I needed to learn for myself. 

  • Allie

    Kinda needed to hear this today, actually. Thanks Kat!

  • Pears

    Gotta like an article with an OC reference

    • ASURADAI123

      I had to google Ryan and Marissa.

      • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

        NGL, when I first read that line, my first thought was, ‘But Ryan’s gay!’

        Oh, ThoughtCatalog…

  • Anonymous

    This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you!

  • Holly

    Kat George, I enjoy reading your pieces because it’s very relatable. At some point or another, I’ve been there. Sometimes, though, I read and I wonder: is this the way you’ve felt in the past? Or the way you feel and see things now?

    • Katgeorge

      I draw on all my experiences, past AND present. Most of these feelings have occurred to me more than once, sometimes I recount old feelings, sometimes I talk about new ones, and sometimes it’s just a very general comment on a feeling that I’ve had to deal with at some point in life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/giygaskeptpraying Dan Feng

    so relatable
    even though
    i’ve never had
    a significant other
    though there were plenty who sure seemed perfect. but nothing happened.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Katie-Humphreys/1068030048 Katie Humphreys

    is or isn’t this about a slurpee???????????

  • http://projectquinn.com janetanne

    I loved this article, but definitely spotted a few copy-editing errors. I feel like TC has been getting lazy with grammar/spellcheck.

  • manicm

    :-) thank you for that one, too. love it as well as your text about how to love boys… 

  • http://twitter.com/raechhhel Raechel Pino

    kat, you are very wonderful.
    you put into words things that I can’t quite put my finger on in my life, and then I read your articles and it lights the light bulb in my mind.

  • Hey

    good god, can i send this the man who’s been stringing me along. i think you wrote it for him..

  • Ceqli

    I’m going to repeat this for you, Kat, because you seem to have missed the point the first time; guys are interested when they see a girl has both a body AND a mind to go with it. You’re a writer, so clearly you DO have a function mind,nbut you can’t seem to figure out why guys see you as ‘blah.’ imagine this; you’re at a casting call, and 200 other actresses are all jockeying for YOUR dream job. How do you make sure that YOU get the part? You sell yourself. You take all the talent, ambition, and skills that you have, and you show the directors juuust enough of that to pique their curiosity. I’m a new yorker, too. I know what it’s like to be stuck in the dating scene. So how did I get out of the rut? I figured out how to meet people, and how to make them like me (whether or not I liked them back. It’s always good to know how to hook people). I’m saying this as a guy who would pass you by on the street, so maybe that somehow discounts my opinion. But whatever. Despite the fact that I get angry at most columns you write, they do make me think. And they make me realize that lots of girls (and guys) are in the same position. They’re looking for that someone. But finding that someone and catching their eye is just like trying to hail a cab at shift change – you HAVE to put yourself out there, even if you think it’ll make you look foolish.

    I wish you the best of luck, Kat. For some reason I started this comment pissed off, and now I’m more like “I get what you’re saying.” oh well. Keep writing. I like it

  • Moping

    This right here basically sums up my entire year. 

    If only I had realized it a long time ago.

  • loveandcarciofi

    STORY OF MY LIFE. does dating in new york EVER get better?

  • Anonymous

    amen!

  • theidprevails

    Can you please write an article about falling for gay guys? Every girl in the village could relate.

  • theidprevails

    Can you please write an article about falling for gay guys? Every girl in the village could relate.

  • Jeanine

    why are you an editor?

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