Thought Catalog

Things I Learned From Having A Step Dad

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I have a dad and a step dad, but I guess in a sense they’re both my dad, which is sort of awkward, in its way. My step dad came into my life when I was a child, and I was lucky I got a good one. Here are some things I’ve learned in the 20-odd years he’s been in my life.

  • Life changes that take you by surprise are terrible when you’re happy with the status quo
  • Resenting someone who wants your approval only makes them be nicer to you
  • Sharing mum is no fun
  • Being a resentful, shitty child at a wedding will not, in fact, make that wedding stop
  • Using birthday wishes to will your parents back together is futile and, in turn, a complete waste of birthday wishes
  • Getting two new little brothers really makes for complicated birthday wishing, considering you want to keep them
  • Persistence kindness toward me will wear me down
  • I can also be worn down by being taught to ride bikes, swim, and do math
  • Mum being happy makes me happy
  • My biological father is not perfect
  • No one is perfect
  • Family is more than just a sperm and an egg
  • Having two dads is better than having no dads
  • Dads will normally side with you over mum, so now you have two allies when you’re asking to go to that party on Saturday night
  • Being called ‘daughter’ consistently and in the company of strangers by someone you have not been particularly pleasant towards makes even the toughest disposition sweat with guilt
  • Being loved by someone who doesn’t have to love you is sincerely humbling
  • It’s very nice to have two wonderful men who love you unconditionally and unequivocally
  • Accidentally calling step dad “dad” in front of biological dad is awkward
  • Accidentally calling biological dad by step dad’s name is doubly awkward
  • All dads, whether they’re yours by blood or marriage, are going to annoy you with the same moronic jokes
  • All dads in turn think these jokes are funny
  • Trying to figure out who is going to walk you down the aisle when you get married can be very consuming, even though you don’t have a boyfriend
  • You can be overly demanding of men, but it’s only because you’ve been so blessed by the men who have raised you. TC mark
image – Andrew Hayward

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    • Random Girl

      Thanks for this insight. I have more than a little anxiety about creating a step dad/dad situation for my daughter.  She has a great dad, and will have a great step dad and I hope she can love and appreciate them both and see it as a bonus as opposed to a punishment. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=68101821 Dana Leader

      Oh Kat, 
      Yet again you puts my thoughts into words, well done.

    • Rickir

      As a “professional” stepdad, I want to thank you for your insights and understanding.  There are a lot of us who chose to be step-parents, understanding that children were part of the marriage, and were happy for our decision despite the challenges.  A kid like you makes it all worthwhile….

      • Guestropod

        does being a professional stepdad mean you hop from wife to wife

        • rickir

          Yeah, I guess I should explain that I raised two sets of step-kids, 3 from each marriage.  The first set consider me to be their dad, as defined by “the guy who didn’t leave.”  After my divorce, I married a woman with 3 girls and we have a wonderful relationship.

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      I only had one dad. Still don’t think I was missing out – but it’s nice to hear a happy ending given all the girls I grew up with that hated their step parents.

    • jen

      “Having two dads is better than having no dads” is some of the truest stuff I’ve ever read.

    • Loverboy

      im kat george and i never stop talking about myselfffff

      • Ariel Blaser

        Then stop reading her articlessssss. Dipshit.

        • http://twitter.com/nuclearcabbage Nive

          haha

      • Len Yeh

        Complaining about Kat George writing about her experiences and life is like complaining about people complaining about the articles they read. 

    • Inspired

      SO good. What an awesome progression of character paired with just the right amount of seriousness, humour, and insight.

    • Guest

      Why do all dads have the same type of humour? Do they go to mandatory secret conferences or something?

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    • Martwa3636

      A couple of months ago I walked my daughter down the aisle… And on her other arm was one of the most incredible man I know… Her stepdad… Was a perfect wedding for all involved.

      • douchegirl

        That is exactly what I want on my wedding. 

    • Agreed

      Wow.  This is all so true for me.  I love my Dad and my stepdad both, and your one line, “Being loved by someone who doesn’t have to love you is sincerely humbling” is perfection for this and many other relationships.  well done, simple and to the point. 

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      • UGH

        STAWP IT

    • Daily TC Reader

      Accidentally calling biological dad by step dad’s name is doubly awkward.
      It’s been happening to me since forever. Whoops!

      • Kim

        me tooooo.. and i don’t even like my step-dad, its just the consequence of seeing him way more often. sucks.

    • Stepdub Dadstep

      dubstep stepdad

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    • https://shayleysams.wordpress.com/2016/10/17/the-struggling-college-student-post-6/ The Struggling College Student Post 6 | Shayley Sams

      […] of divorce than you know it isn’t easy when it comes to sides, especially when it comes to step-parents. There is always an awkward tension when one is around the other. They have to share everything: […]

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