Thought Catalog

How To Love A Boy

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(As a straight girl.)

Give him a break. He’s not that guy you dated two years ago who cheated on you and lied about it. He’s someone different entirely; so don’t tar him with the same brush. Maybe he will cheat on you too. Maybe he won’t. But give him a chance to be the man that you deserve, because that’s the least you owe him. Holster your weapon and trust him because it will hurt him more than you know when the woman he loves only sees the devil in him.

Mind his privacy. Don’t go through his things or his phone. The only time I’ve pried into someone’s privacy, and likewise, all the times my friends have, we have successfully found what we were looking for—but that doesn’t make it right. Be generous with him and give him the benefit of the doubt. If your spider sense is tingling do yourself a favor and confront him head on.

Cut him some slack. He’s a boy at heart. Maybe he was playing PlayStation for too long or kicking the footy with his mates and an hour elapsed after the time he promised he would call. Maybe you had to call him to remind him he was running late to meet you. Don’t be angry, he has the best intentions. Time is allowed to slip away from him when he is having fun–it doesn’t mean he loves you any less or that he’s doing the dirty on you. If he is, you’ll just know, so until/ if that happens, just relax.

Be patient with him. Let him be forgetful and let him make mistakes, he will learn from them, I promise. Don’t strike out at him when he forgets to bring home the eggs you reminded him seven times already to pick up from the store. If you want eggs, stop being a lazy goddamn bitch and go out to get them yourself. Take responsibility for the things you want done, and know that when it really means something, he wont let you down, even if the banal everyday tasks you want from him seem elusive. If he’s good enough for your love, he will be bringing you Friends DVDs and chicken soup when you’re sick or driving you around when your car is being serviced, even if he didn’t bring you a copy of Vogue on his way home from work like you asked him to in the morning. And he will probably do you those other kindnesses without even being asked.

Let him treat you sometimes. He might want to buy you an ice cream or a whole dinner, and it means something to him to be able to give things to you, so don’t be an indignant independent woman about it. I bet Beyonce lets Jay-Z buy her dinner from time to time, because a man reserves the right to do things for the woman he loves without her being a snarky bitch about it. And on the flip side, a woman is allowed to enjoy being spoiled every so often. Also, even if you don’t like what he’s giving you, be grateful anyway—chances are he’s put a lot of thought into it and even if it’s not entirely to your liking it doesn’t mean he doesn’t “know” you. It just means he’s a big fat silly, but completely adorable, boy.

Likewise, feed your man. Forget all the dumb shit you read in magazines about women’s rights involving neglecting household duties. Being a working-woman AND a domestic goddess (even if it’s a rare occurrence) are equally sexy and legitimate. Do things because you love him, like cooking a decadent meal that you can share (the key is in the shared moment)—you’ve done it for your girlfriends, I know you have. Your man is no less worthy of your wonderful cooking just because he’s a man and you have some misplaced sense of feminism.

Be kind to him. I know it’s hard when you’re hormonal and he’s breathing in that annoying way you hate and trying to tell you jokes when all you want is to watch the Kardashians do something rich, but he’s just showing his affection. Fight your urge to scream names at him and just breathe—if his worst crime is just being there for you when you’re down then you’ve got no right to be a heinous bitch.

Communicate with him. In the event that you just HAVE to be a heinous bitch, because let’s face it, sometimes you just do—let him know. Tell him, “Honey, I’d like my space now and if I don’t get it I’m going to go all Julie Cooper-Nichol on your ass and it’s not going to be pretty.” Don’t say “Nothing” when you’re mad at him and he asks you what’s wrong. He’s not a mind reader, even if you desperately wish he was. And it doesn’t mean diddly squat if he can’t figure out what “nothing” means. Babe, I don’t even know what “nothing” means and you and I are joined at the sisterhood.

Let him breathe. Give him space. Hell, you need it too! You can’t be together 24/7, nor can you be in constant contact. Let him have his boy’s night and let him return to bed with you at whatever silly hour he sees fit, reeking of cigarettes and alcohol. You do the same. Fall drunkenly into his arms in the still early morning hours and laugh as your recall stories of your evening madness to one another. Pass out wrapped in each others arms and wake up hungover so you can hate life together in the morning.

Give him all the things you expect from him—trust, honesty, respect, loyalty, generosity, kindness, companionship and understanding. Don’t sweat the small stuff and let the trivialities go. Being a ball-breaker is not cute, although nor is being a push over. Chose your battles. Don’t fight when he forgets the eggs but give him what-for if he bequeaths a genuine injustice upon you (which I can tell you now is happening far less often than you really think it is). Be demanding and let him do the same. And don’t forget to tell him you love him everyday, because if he’s forgetting the eggs, chances are he might be forgetting that too. TC mark

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    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

      This was dumb. (I did like the last line, I didn’t like the message. At all.)

      • Anonymous

        I thought it was cute but whatever you’re into, I guess.

      • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

        Super dumb.

    • asdfghjkl

      I spotted several basic grammar mistakes. Ugh. Proofread your shit. 

    • manicm

      Thank you. I love it.

    • http://twitter.com/Flarfer Dave P

      Hi, I’m Kat George, and I write for Thought Catalog. I like boys, feta cheese, and poop.

    • Anonymous

      I would include letting him strut his testosterone by playing fantasy football.  Even if it means he’s constantly on his iPhone checking his points when he’s out or glued to the television on a nice Sunday morning.

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      It’s not enough to cook.  What’re we talking here, pasta or steak? 

    • Guesterton

      Nothing better than dating advice from someone whose articles primarily consist of shitting, complaining about being alone, talking about random dudes she fucks, and humblebragging about her life.

      Get back to us when you have a decent relationship you don’t tell everyone about on your 209832048 daily articles.

    • Anonymous

      be patient with him? jeez, what is he? a puppy you’re trying to toilet train?

    • Cpaz

      Jesus people are brutal. I want to send this along to every crazy bitch I know. She’s basically saying love the man in front of you. I didn’t know single people weren’t allowed to have an opinion on relationships? Bravo, I enjoyed it immensely. Esp the Jay-z/Beyonce part. I need to be reminded of that..

      • Rubysoho8779

        oh you’re allowed to have an opinion on relationships, but your opinion is allowed to be picked apart by the entire world when you post it on the internet.

    • Anonymous

      I thought this was cute. It covers the emotional roller coaster that accompanies a relationship. Aside from a few minor things, I agreed with some of the key points, especially the bits about patience, because that’s what we (girls) deserve, too :]

      The problem with dating someone who is a boy at heart is that his mentality reflects just that – he’s a boy at heart. Alas, he’s still adorable and I love him :] HAHAHAHA *pedo pedo*

      • Anonymous

        Kat George, I love you, but..

        “Let him breathe. Give him space. Hell, you need it to! ”

        …should be fixed to, “Hell, you need it, too!”

        ..pardon my grammar nazi tendencies. I STILL LOVE YOU!

        • Katgeorge

          Thanks girl, sometimes things slip through the cracks… I’m not proud of it! xx

        • Anonymous

          STILL LOVE YOUUU :’]]

    • FangsFoo

      Reading this makes me want to vomit in terror for humanity

      • RG

        I wouldn’t want to watch the news, which has real bad things on it, with you….

    • ASURADAI123

      Good article. I think a lot of girls need to read this.

      • Anonymous

        Hell yeah! We should hand out copies of “The Rules” too.

        • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

          TROLOLOLOL THE RULES.

          definitely read it for relationship advice circa age fifteen.

    • guest

      if you’ve been joined with someone “at the sisterhood” (wut?) you should definitely know what “nothing” means. you should know whats up without them saying anything at all.

      2 oc references in one day ++/———-

      idk i find this patronising. 

    • BP

      This was so superficual and utterly useless as a legitimate piece of reading/writing, I don’t even feel the need to dedicate more of my time to a lenghtier comment.

      Oh wait, I must be acting like a “heinous bitch” because I am on my period and I foster a sense of “misplaced feminism….” Forget that, I’m just gonna go feed “my man.”

      I hope I never have read so many cliches at one time ever again.

    • guest

      bro… you can’t call me a bitch four times and expect me to do what you say.

    • Amy

      No.

    • Guest

      All this did was reinforce standard gender stereotypes (and pretty unoriginal ones at that). Also, just because I have a vagina doesn’t mean I like the Kardashians.

      • guest

        can you give me an example of an original gender stereotype pls

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

      ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

      • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

        also I’ve never cooked a meal for my girlfriends so suck it

        YOU DON’T KNOW ME, KG

        • Ralph

          just be normal and learn to cook already

        • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

          no, it’s boring and terrible and hot

    • Kelcie Moseley

      The fact that this is eliciting such vitriol proves to me that some people don’t really understand what being a feminist means… I have my heinous bitch moments, and I’m willing to admit and apologize for them the same way he admits to his own faults. We are not perfect, and trying to pretend we are just because we’re females doesn’t do any good for the “feminist” movement. 

      I liked it. It’s not like you’re saying let him be a douchebag because “boys will be boys.”  

      • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

        “We are not perfect, and trying to pretend we are just because we’re females doesn’t do any good for the “feminist” movement.”  

        None of the negative comments have said anything remotely like this.  

        • Kelcie Moseley

          I was speaking generally, but okay.

        • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

          I just mean you’re responding as if people have taken issue with this article because they believe that as feminists they must not admit to making mistakes in life and in relationships.  Which isn’t what anyone has said.  

    • Sara

      This is cute but trust the fact that just because he’s cheating doesn’t value a relationship. You sound like you’re lonely and trying to not feel guilty for fucking a guy who is in one. More people than none meet guys who will not do that. 

    • Guest(Male)

      This is exactly the kind of girl most guys want. Bravo, extremely well done, regardless of what all these crazies are saying.

    • Luna

      I did all of these and he ended up leaving me. Part of the reason was I didn’t “discipline” him when we were supposed to be “partners” in everything. He needs a mommy.

    • KayP

      This is really well done. If you give someone some space and trust, they will respond in positive ways. Also, this reminds me of my GF and she’s a doll. 

    • squee

      if a guy brought me home a Friends dvd i would have to kill myself

      • Asdf

        Boyfriend: “Honey, I bought you the boxset of your favourite TV programme on DVD!”

        squee: “Oh! … I… see. One moment. I’ll be right back.”

        Boyfriend: “Sure! I’ll just pop it in while I wa–”

        *bang*

        Boyfriend: “–it.”

        Boyfriend: “Honey? How you doin’?”

    • Robbie

      If I bring the eggs home and I cook them and I wash the dishes, I’m probably pussywhipped.
      If she goes and gets them then cooks them and washes the dishes, she’s probably a stepford housewife.
      What if I brought the eggs, the makes a nice omelette and we enjoy our meal and then wash them together? Problem solved?

      • Rubysoho8779

        can we start a relationship? because that’s what i’m looking for, doing things together because we both made the mess.

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