“Being an adult” means less to me the older I get. I haven’t noticed much difference between childhood and adulthood, really. I mean, I’m bigger now, I get my period, I can drink alcohol and make non-instinctive decisions (that doesn’t mean I always do), but there are some parts of me that are so intrinsically childlike I’m not sure I’ll ever “grow-up” entirely. I don’t even know what that would involve. I’m assuming saying things like, “this evening is ever so lovely,” and vacuuming under the couch instead of just around it. Meanwhile, here are a few childhood habits that I haven’t been able to let go, although, for the record, I got though the bed wetting stage with gold stars.
Eating my hair
Whenever I’m concentrating, absent minded, or nervous, I pull chunks of hair around to my face and chew or suck on them. I did it as a little girl and I do it now. Suffice to say, my parents hate it, and it’s about the only thing I still get in trouble for. And sometimes I cough up hairballs.
Sleeping with a teddy
This is probably the most revealing thing you will ever learn about me. I am a 26-year-old woman who can’t sleep without her teddy bear. This may be why I have never in my life had a one-night stand. My teddy used to go everyday with me to primary school. Since then, she’s traveled around South East Asia and Europe in my backpack. My, she is a worldly bear! (I just read the last sentence back to myself… there is really no hope left for me, no hope at all).
Eating McDonalds whenever I go to the airport (and being super excited about it)
Going to the airport as a child was so exciting to me because it meant I was getting McDonalds. Forget that maybe there was a long lost relative to meet or a plane to catch — girlfriend needs her cheeseburger! See also: going to dad’s house, staying in on Friday night, achieving something, needing the last toy in the Happy Meal set, after Saturday morning sports.
Peeling the skin off my chicken nuggets
On the odd occasion I will choose KFC over McDonalds, and as a girl I used to peel the skin off my chicken nuggets, put it to the side in a little pile, dip the naked chicken in tomato sauce and repeat until all the chicken was gone and all I had left was the Colonel’s Secret Recipe chicken skin. Then I would eat all the skin. Now when I do this people just look at me like I’m a creep but I don’t care, it’s a good system and over the years I’ve refined it to meticulous perfection.
Sleeping with a nightlight on
Is anyone noticing a pattern here? Most of my childhood habits relate directly to either sleeping or eating. PSYCHOANALYZE THAT. I still sleep with the light on in the hall outside my room. I mean, it’s not imperative, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to turn it off. Doing my part for the environment, clearly.
Mashing my ice cream into a thick paste
OK I know you all do this, so don’t pretend you eat your ice cream like “pish tosh, I’ll just take a perfectly firm spoonful of it just so and daintily place it in my mouth…” No. You mash it into a thick slop like I do, and you probably get it down the front of your shirt and caked in the corners of your mouth, especially if you’re trying to eat it while lying down (don’t even try to tell me you always eat your ice cream glop while properly seated).
Kissing mamma on the lips
It’s always really cute when you see tiny little kids kissing their mummy on the lips in this really innocent, beautiful way, but people think it’s weird when adults do it. I don’t — I still kiss my mamma on the lips from time to time when we greet each other. It’s not like we make out or anything (because that would not be OK) but I figure my face was once squeezed between her flaps, so a little peck on the lips as a sign of affection is perfectly normal, no matter what age.