Why It Hurt When You Rejected Me

We were such good friends, and now you don’t share your secrets with me anymore. We were so in love for so long, but then one day you just… weren’t. I put my number in your pocket one day and asked you for a drink, but your response was silence. We had that one, amazing night, and then again in the morning, but you never called me. We dated for a while, and we were having so much fun, but something changed and you wouldn’t tell me what it was. You rejected me, and it hurt.

It hurt because I have too much pride. I was proud that someone like you was enjoying my company, because I thought you were exquisite. I thought that you should be grateful to have me, because I was so good at the things I did for you, to you. When you rejected me, it hurt my ego. It embarrassed me, because however small or large the gesture, I wore my heart on my sleeve for you, and even wagged it in front of your face once or twice. It hurt because it made me feel as though I should have known better, that I shouldn’t have been so rash in my actions. I should have been the one rejecting you.

It hurt because it highlighted all the terrible things I always think about myself. I make a decision every day not to let my insecurities rule me. Everyone has irrational fears about themselves, and I’m determined not to let mine define who I am. But when you rejected me, the ways in which I hate myself became harder to suppress. Maybe you were cruel and you used my weakness to leave me (in which case the hurt will pass as my abhorrence for your meanness outweighs anything I feel about myself) or maybe you were silent (which is worse because gives my over active imagination pretense to fill in the gaps), either way, your rejection made my nose grow, my intelligence wan, and my sanity disappear.

It hurt because it threw my ‘plan’ into chaos. This weekend we were going to go to on that perfect date. Next week we were going to go to that awesome party. We were going to fall in love. I was going to make you moussaka and we were going to eat it on my roof. You were going to meet my parents. We were going to move in together. Everything was going so well that I let my guard down, and I let my brain chatter with my heart. Together they concocted a future for us that your rejection rendered little more than a hopefully mythology I would have to wallow in alone.

It hurt because you didn’t really seem to care. You moved on so easily. Almost instantly, you found someone else to take to dinner, someone else to get too drunk with, someone else to hold in your naked arms in the sweaty early morning hours. I hate that the rotation was so easy for you; that you so effortlessly flicked me off your life and replaced me with someone you obviously deemed ‘better.’ It hurt because while I was crying you were laughing; because I meant as much to you as a story you could tell your friends later.

It hurt because I really liked you. I liked you so much, and I couldn’t even tell you—maybe I knew you were going to reject me? And if I did tell you, you didn’t reciprocate, or you did, but only to rescind later, which hurt even more than the solitary rejection. It hurt because I wanted to be good to you, and I wanted you to be good to me too. I thought that maybe I could stop for you, that I could give up all those other selfish things because you were inching your way into my heart. It hurt because after all the inching, you did find your way into my heart, where you remain, irrevocably. TC mark

image – Natalie Nikitovic

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Timberman/922794 Steven Timberman

    There’s a line I read somewhere about our insecurites, that the very worst part of the worst breakup is not the break up itself – but that when you press for information, for reasons, you see all those same insecurities and flaws vomited back up in front of you.

    All those mood swings, your frittishness with eating, your ludicrous flights of fancy… all those things you thought you were doing SO WELL with controlling for the months or years you were together? Those are the ones that damned that relationship to failure.

    That’s the rub. 

    (Loved your article, as per always. A little wordy here or there, and I could use a little more specificity, but stuff on TC tends to go for much more universal wordings and descriptions anyhoo. Fun and painful and interesting read.)

  • http://twitter.com/w_i_l_l_a Wilhelmina Hernández

    So true.

  • a.

     “Cry, Kat George Is A Reject, Please Stop Rejecting Me, She’s A Rejector, This Is For All You Rejectors Out There!, This Is So Overly Dramatic”

    best.tags.ever.

    • raj

      cry kat george is a reject

  • Adam

    I think the only point you didn’t hit on is how the break-up reminds you that relationships are ephemeral… all of them… and so you didn’t only break my heart. You also so bluntly reminded me of how we’re all going to die.

    I loved this. So much so that I want to ask you out on a date…

    • Anonymous

      This is amazing.  Imagine how awful she is going to feel if she rejects you.  No lose situation Adam! You have found what we have all been looking for.  You could string this into marriage if you tell the story about how you met in front of enough of her friends.

      • Adam

        I think you took me all too literally. I just don’t think I’ve read anything quite so spot on when it comes to that type of rejection and heartbreak. It made me swoon. 

  • RTM

    Girlfriend… You are like an emo 16 year old in 2000 making sappy away messages on AIM trying to reach out to the person who hurt you, hoping that they’ll read it and know it is about them. Get a grip.

    • Katgeorge

      If you read the article you will see it’s not addressed to anyone in particular, and it’s just more about being rejected generally, by many different people in life.

      • ew

        just curious. did you date this guy (same as dirtbag?) after breaking up with a real boyfriend? and confused the two things (db/rbf) on accident?

  • http://www.facebook.com/hannaraddness Hanna Nichole Mullins

    This. 

  • Kfbayard

    Thank you for writing this. You put in words everything I’ve been thinking and feeling for the past month since my last relationship suddenly ended.

  • Dino Genzano

    I love this– it makes me think “YES this is the understanding of hurt
    that I wish I could convey to friends.”  I am amazed at how you are able
    to touch on every little feeling, thought, or nuance that is experienced through times of being ‘rejected’ by someone who you connected with at one time.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    I wonder if one day, when they are the ones hurt like this, they’ll look back and wonder.

  • Josh

    stephenie meyer, is that you?

  • Maggie

    “It embarrassed me, because however small or large the gesture, I wore my
    heart on my sleeve for you, and even wagged it in front of your face
    once or twice. It hurt because it made me feel as though I should have
    known better, that I shouldn’t have been so rash in my actions.”

    That really hit home for me. Loved the article.

  • Ahdhdb

    haha man this is really terrible

  • Calla

    ONE look at the tags would show that Ms. George is aware of how dramatic this article seems and also not asking for your pity. They show that she is writing her feelings, putting them out there–and still acknowledging that it comes off like a “16-year-old’s AIM away message.”

    But hey, that doesn’t change the feelings. Cue “Tiny Violin, Waaaaa Waaaaa”

  • http://umcheckplease.wordpress.com umcheckplease.wordpress.com

    Rejection always hurts…But getting rejected by a good friend is torture

    • http://twitter.com/Ouleena

      AMEN

  • HollyGolightly

    Anyone who doesn’t like how this is written is still unable to come to terms with the humanity of being rejected after giving everything they have to someone else.

  • HollyGolightly

    Anyone who doesn’t like how this is written is still unable to come to terms with the humanity of being rejected after giving everything they have to someone else.

  • Holly

    all the things I think about late at night (on some nights) but am afraid to express because of the things people might say (see comments below). thanks Kat.

  • Hrshyksss92

    I experienced all these thoughts at once this morning. Being rejected sucks and it’s scary how your article just recounted exactly what I’m just went through.

  • cakes

    I guess I didn’t really like him, cause it didn’t hurt this much. Just some bruised pride.. :/

  • cakes

    I guess I didn’t really like him, cause it didn’t hurt this much. Just some bruised pride.. :/

  • brooke

    I will admit, when I first began frequenting this site, you caught my eye- Your words and the way in which you delivered them. It was all about timing, really. I had just gone through a pretty gutting breakup and you eased me in a way in which the usual vices didn’t. You speak to relationships very honestly, wholesomely… I read about the man that you courted overseas. It eased me. I saw myself in you. Then, suddenly, I lost you for awhile. I didn’t understand what you wrote, couldn’t relate, became very aware of your phrasing and context. Frankly, I grew to just want to give you a hug and tell you to write poetry for a bit instead. You began to write in a trendy manner. It was difficult to love. Now, however, with this article, I see you again. So thank you. I feel everything you are feeling in these words, and so, (selfishly and honestly, with a brand new vulnerable awakening) I  thank you for your honesty. Pride is a tricky thing to talk about in such light. I appreciate your willingness, the directness in your voice. I am unapologetic too, and vulnerable to a fault, but I am learning, it’s a pretty fucking beautiful way to live… isn’t it?

  • Anonymous

    I read just the title and laughed

    then I read the article and did not laugh and there’s nobody around to hug me now

  • elaine

    :(

  • rarrrrrrr

    i got played…and then rejected…i thought it was love.. he said ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ i punched him for the cliche. we agreed to continue being friends ( i like his mother far too much to not be). i bottled up my feelings real good. like it was fine and he wasn’t killing me on the inside everytime we saw each other and hung out. and then 4 months passed. and then i let it out. on him. not in an angry way. just in a …..look what this is doing to me, i’m unhappy with this situation. i even used the word unsustainable. and then we kissed, and now we;re going to live happily ever after. or something  like that. he still has no real explanation for what happened the first time around. too much too soon?
    love your writing

    • Anonymous

      this makes me sad for you

      even though I should be happy for you

      explain

    • sigh

      i have a friend who’s pretty much in the exact same situation right now, except their relationship doesn’t seem to be going so strong right now. it’s obvious he’s using her. i hope things work out for you. x

  • PA

    this was wonderful and there was something very raw about it that i latched onto. maybe because this kind of rejection is too familiar to me, and it burns less now after i’ve read your article and acknowledged that millions of other people feel these awful feelings also. 

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