This is purely a work of fan fiction as my imagination plays out the perfect sequel to True Blood Season 4, Episode 9, “Run”.
Voiceover: Previously on True Blood
A montage reminds us of the action that unfolded last week. It ends in Sookie desperately screaming, “run!” at Vampire Bill as the spellbound Eric Northman closes in on him… The sexy credits roll, and then it’s back to Sookie’s pained expression as she watches Eric tackle Vampire Bill. Emotionless and under Marnie’s spell, Eric rips Vampire Bill’s throat out.
Sookie [screaming]: WAAAAA! WAWAWAWAWAWAWA! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vampire Bill falls lifeless to the floor as Eric takes off his shirt. The camera lingers on Eric’s naked chest as Vampire Bill’s blood trickles down his torso and people run around him screaming.
Cut to Debbie pulling into her driveway. She is shaken as she runs up to the front door of her house. She burst through the front door and Alcide is ready for her. He could smell her fear and he stands sexily poised for battle in the hallway as she enters the house. He takes off his shirt.
Alcide [growling]: What’s happened?
Debbie: It’s Sookie.
Alcide takes off his pants.
Alcide: Let’s go.
Cut to Tommy in a hospital bed. Sam and his Sexy Girlfriend stand over him as he awakens.
Tommy: I’m sor—
Sam: Don’t talk. I forgive you for screwing my Sexy Girlfriend. And now it looks like we have a common enemy.
Tommy [to Sam’s Sexy Girlfriend]: I never meant to hurt you.
Sam’s Sexy Girlfriend: I know, but you did. After we get our revenge on these werewolves, you have to leave town. We can’t be friends.
Sam: She’s right Tommy. Even though you’re my brother I don’t feel like I can ever trust you again. Plus you’re a murderer. Now, let’s go kill some werewolves.
Sam’s Sexy Girlfriend takes her shirt off.
Cut to a truck outside Vampire Bill’s palace. A bird’s eye view of the vehicle reveals that Jason and Jessica are still screwing.
Cut to Alcide bursting into the hall where Sookie is lying in Vampire Bill’s guts, trying to hug what is left of him as she sobs hysterically. Eric is standing over her, still shirtless and enchanted. People are still running around screaming. Alcide launches towards Eric and engages him in battle. As they fight, Eric’s pants get ripped off. The fight lasts for half an hour and it’s pretty sexy.
Somewhere else, something happens with an evil baby, Arlene looks concerned a lot, Lafayette gets possessed again and Andy takes vampire blood. No one cares.
Back at the hall, Tara bursts through the front door flanked by some witches. They all have weapons. Tara holds a bazooka over her shoulder, which she aims at Sookie.
Tara: Sookie! You bitch. You’re a terrible friend. You left me in trapped in that room and instead chose to come here to try to save a fanger? I’ve been raped, tortured, possessed, watched the love of my life die… Plus in the last few hours I was pulled into a hell dimension where demon monkeys stuck flaming hot cattle prods up my ass. They bit off my nipples and forced me to murder my mother… DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE? And all the while my best friend has been rolling around in vampire guts…
Sookie [pouting]: BUT I LOVE HIM!
Tara: Shut up bitch. I’ve been through enough because of you. It’s time to die.
Tara fires the bazooka and blows Sookie’s head off. Tara looks triumphant momentarily, but her look sours as she gasp and blood starts bubbling out of her eyes and mouth. The camera pans down and there is a bloody hand protruding out of her stomach. The hand withdraws as Tara crumples to the floor, dead, revealing Pam standing behind her.
Pam [deadpan]: Got ya.
Alcide stops fighting Eric, who now appears to have fallen out of Marni’s enchantment due to the shock of Sookie’s death. Alicde goes over to Sookie’s headless body and sexily picks it up and begins carrying it out of the room. Eric follows.
Alcide: Sookie! [growl]
Debbie: I knew you loved her and not me!
Debbie takes an ancient looking sword from one of the witches and stabs herself in the stomach. She turns into a wolf as she dies but no one flinches.
Back at the truck, Jason and Jessica are still screwing, but now they are being watched from the shadows by hidden voyeur who seems to be cry-wanking. Just as Jessica is climaxing, Hoyt appears with a shotgun and shoots them both in the face for being such assholes.
In a quiet field nearby, two gunshots can be heard in the distance as Alcide sets Sookie’s headless body down. Eric is there too.
Eric: I loved her.
Alcide: So did I.
Alcide and Eric start digging a shallow grave for Sookie in the moonlight. They get really sweaty and dirty. Once they have covered her body, Eric reaches out and takes Alcide’s hand.
Eric: I’m so sad.
Alcide squeezes Eric’s hand and leans into him. They kiss. Soon they are rolling around in the mud screwing. As Eric climaxes, he looks upwards, screaming in ecstasy, and his eyes flash red as his fangs emerge, suggesting that Marni’s spell is completely broken, and he is evil again.