Thought Catalog

Stop Texting Me And Get In My Bed!

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It is my firm belief that the urgency of romance is lost in the ease with which technology allows us to communicate. Granted, I barely remember a time before Facebook, Twitter, and text allowed me to be in 24-hour contact with my peers, so the closest experience I have to relate is high school, and my first 3 years at university, before Facebook became a ‘thing’.

I remember meeting my uni boyfriend at a bar when I was 19—sure we had mobile phones and MySpace but the two still lacked the gravitas they embody now. Both mobile phones and social media were still slow and cumbersome, and we hadn’t yet learned to rely on them as the primary medium for inter-personal communication. I remember the way in which he courted me, which revolved around regular phone calls and us ‘hanging out’. The impetus for us to be physically in one another’s presence, including being able to hear the other’s voice on the end of a phone call, was powerful and immediate.

We were not joined at the Twitter feed. We could not trawl each other’s photos online or see the places to which we were both ‘checking in’. We were not in constant textual contact—because none of these things were the communicative signifiers they are now.

Now: dates are easily cancelled by a text. You can keep up with your loved ones with a click of a mouse. Following people online, as we already know, creates an interactivity that mimes physicality and tricks us into a false sense of intimacy. When you meet someone you like in a bar, you can develop a textual relationship before even a physical one, your mobile communication creating a connection between you that seems as real as if you were face-to-face.

But it’s not real. Technological communication allows careful curation, and we become lulled into the false sense that we’re actually engaging in a meaningful relationship in lieu of actually having a physical one. The freedom with which we communicate is essentially promoting a sort of real time laziness wherein we feel so a part of each other’s day that getting together at the end of that day can sometimes feel unnecessary in the sense that we have already had our emotional and conversational needs fulfilled by that person for that day. It’s so easy to neglect face time because it feels like the time we have already devoted through text and social media has made us close enough, as a constant and ongoing substitution for actually having to put in an effort to get to know the other person.

So ladies and gentleman, my proposition is this: stop texting. We don’t need blow-by-blow descriptions of each other’s days. We don’t need to see all those clips you think we’d like. What we need is a vacation from our screens—one where we can be together, face-to-face, lip-to-lip or pelvis-to-pelvis. We need a retro redux, like playing vinyl or shooting on film, and I think we should all step away from the technology and get to know each other as human beings. You heard it here first, guy, so stop texting me and get in my bed! TC mark

image – Natalie Nikitovic
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  • Random Girl

    The return of common sense! *applause* It is disenchanting to say the least to find that people (myself included as of late) are satisfied with a technology-only based “relationship”. The value of physical face-to-face time and actual conversation is sorely underestimated.  Great take on this topic!

  • AJ

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • Mashka

    It’s so sad really. I mean we feel so ahead of the game now, having all of these social media outlets and new technology but I agree that in some sense it has been taken way too far. It would be lovely to go back to a time when you dated someone and communicated by phone and *maybe* email, and that’s it- the rest of the time was spent (and enjoyed) face to face. However, I feel like our generation would freak the fuck out if all of these social media outlets were all of a sudden taken away from us and that’s perhaps the saddest part.

    Imagine, the way you (or at least I) feel when I can’t find my phone. It’s pathetic. It’s like, someone chopped off my arm.  Imagine not being able to fb stalk your crush or text them a million times a day to make sure they’re not going to blow you off. Social media and technology has made ALL of us creepy stalkers!

    Now it’s like an “experiment” to go a week without using Facebook or a phone. Like, I’m giving up Facebook for lent is along the same ‘severity’ or difficulty as giving up alcohol or meat for the week (I’m a Jew so none of this concerns me… like we would ever give up anything)

  • a.

    “I like it when you text me but I don’t need to know what you ate for lunch I’d prefer to make out with you but whatevs”


  • Samie Rose

    She probably texted her friends about the new article after posting it.

    • Kyle Angeletti

      It’s funny how you love everything Ryan writes and hate everything Kat writes. 
      At least this has a point. 

      • Samie Rose

        That is so far from true it’s ridiculous. I’ve made positive and negative comments on things from both of them.

        Also, where here did I say I hated this? Please cite.

  • Georgie

    god this is so true. i got to know my current boyfriend literally through texting over our school holidays, i hate texting him though :( makes me feel so awkward and… urgh. i wish i could have face time with people. i need more RL!

  • Anonymous

    Well at least LDRs are easier.

  • Anonymous

    Well at least LDRs are easier.

  • Allie

    Yes, and yes. Right on, Kat.

  • NoSexCity

    “But it’s not real. Technological communication allows careful curation, and we become lulled into the false sense that we’re actually engaging in a meaningful relationship in lieu of actually having a physical one.”

    –This is so true. Sometimes I wonder how much happier we’d all be, at least in regards to relationships, if we weren’t talking any other way except via phone to make plans, and in person to follow through with them.

  • Jo


  • Jo


  • Dave P

    I remember dating before social networking, and before mobile phones, and finally before the internet. One had to work up the nerve to actually call a girl ON THE TELEPHONE to ask her out. Thank science those days are over.

  • xra

    see i ignore my phone 23.75 hours of the day, and check it when i want the time, need to make a call or otherwise use it to further my embodied life

    its possible guys, try it… if you don’t answer that girl’s text message in 10 seconds she’s not gonna hate you, in fact she might actually have that so-rare opportunity to anticipate contact with someone!

    • umcheckplease

      agreed! sometimes I feel like I NEEEED to answer right away but then I just think to myself… what if I don’t answer right away? What will happen? and the sheer truth of it is that life will still go on and the earth with still continue to rotate… people CAN in fact wait. Theres no need to be so available all the time

  • Guestropod

    we text on the days we don’t fuck

  • Catt

    I would’ve liked this more if I hadn’t already read 9001 articles like it in my lifetime. Good observations, but a little late to the game.

  • Anonymous

    Great observations, but not all-inclusive — what about those in long distance relationships? I think there are special cases in which technological advancement benefits (and actually inflames) romantic connection, like when two people who genuinely care about one another simply have limited options. It would be quite hard (and unrealistic) to maintain romance between two people who have limited access to one another, if they waited until each scattered physical rendezvous to express how they feel. Y’know?

  • Liza Mae

    It starts within ourself to stop the epidemic of social media and texting and actually be, “face-to-face, lip-to-lip or pelvis-to-pelvis.”

    My BF is out of touch with FB, Twitter, etc.  and doesn’t even own a smart phone or a text messaging plan. He sounds old school but at least he is attentive to me rather than his phone.  It comes to the point where you just got to disconnect more in your day and physically connect.

    • Thickfreakness

      I’m the same as your boyfriend, yet women think it’s weird. Being disconnected is considered an oddity for our generation. It actually hinders my love life….

  • Sophia


  • Sophia
  • Amy McDeath

    If only it was a choice between fucking and texting… then I would agree entirely.

  • Becca

    I do agree except that there isn’t really a choice in the matter when long distance relationships are concerned. I would choose physical interaction any day if only it were possible.

  • Mauritius

    Wow so true time has change and i don’t think is for the better

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