Remember This: 5 Confusingly Awesome Anti-Girl Power Songs

Every now and then, a woman releases a song that is so antithetical to all the hard work we’ve been doing in the name of “woman”, it just makes you want to throw your hands up in the air and give her a massive nipple cripple. Really, sister? We’re breaking our backs out here on the front line, and you give us… the anti-girl anthem? What’s worse is these songs are awfully confusing, because for the most part, they happen to be peppy, catchy, ready-made pop classics that make half of you want to dance ‘til the world ends and the other half stick your head in the sand until it’s all over….

1. Avril Lavigne – “Girlfriend”

Every time I hear this song all I can think is, “really? No seriously… Really?” Is this what we’re doing now Avril? Stealing each other’s boyfriends, because “she’s, like, so whatever”? What’s more is that Avril is portrayed as a big bully in the video, intimidating and humiliating this poor girl whose only crime is that she likes the boy Avril would prefer to have for herself. No, no, no, really? Is this actually happening? And damn you, Avril, for having such a peppy, infectious beat—I know I shouldn’t dance to this drivel but man, do I want to!

2. Destiny’s Child – “Cater 2 U”

A blight on the good name of Destiny’s Child and Beyonce, I’ve thrown myself into denial over the existence of this song. In fact, I’ve concocted a whole sub-plot in which the three girls are abducted by an evil overlord, driven to the desert where they are forced at gun point to don inappropriate desert attire, do some sexy dance moves and recite silly lyrics. Either that or they were addicted to crack at the time and had to make a quick dollar. I refuse to believe that Bey and the girls sang this song willingly.

3. Daphne & Celeste – “U.G.L.Y”

This is probably the most awesomely catchy, cute, dance inspiring song to promote bitchiness, body image insecurity and bullying between women ever. Congratulations Daphne & Celeste, you are terrible at being women, but brilliant at being pop stars.

4. Brandy & Monica – “The Boy Is Mine”

Come on girls! You’re besties! Chicks before dicks! I certainly hope this argument isn’t over Ray J, because that’s sort of… strange (Brandy I’m looking at you). Although, I can forgive the girls for this petty argument because a) the song is awesome and b) they make up at the end of the video and expose Mekhi Phifer for the creep he is.

5. The Pussycat Dolls – “Don’t Cha”

Come on PCD, if we’ve learned anything from Avril and Brandy & Monica it that’s it’s very unbecoming for women to be nasty to another women because they’re jealous of her man. Listen, I know PCD are all like “if it ain’t love it’s not enough to leave a happy home” etc. but the fact is they’re still ripping apart some poor girl who is completely absent both physically and as a personality from the context—isn’t this something we’ve been complaining about men doing to us for centuries, and now we’re doing it to each other? PCD get massive dance floor points for “Don’t Cha” but fall short given the misogynistic undertones of the content. TC mark

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  • Elyse

    If this was Tumblr, I’d give you that applaud gif.

  • Anonymous

    ‘Cater 2 U’ is the worst. I want to live in your denial world where it never happened.

  • BritneyFan

    You forgot about I’m a Slave 4 U. That’s a classic.

    • http://twitter.com/Alcords A C

      Slave 4 U is actually talking about music…she’s a slave to the music since all she wants to do is dance (back then)…not to a man.

      • Plopman

        LOL

  • STELLIECAT

    I remember I loved destiny child’s cater 2 u when it first came out. 

    I can’t believe I never noticed the misogynistic lyrics until nearly a decade later.

  • Guest

    “We’re breaking our backs out here on the front line…”
    …by writing I WANT YOU TO ROMANCE ME

  • padface

    FOR GOD’S SAKE KAT HOW THE HELL IS BEYONCÉ GOOD FOR FEMINISM???!

    Have you looked at her lyrics? If I Were A Boy is HORIFFICALLY sexist. Do I really have to explain how Single Ladies sets back feminism? Or mention her husband’s less than stellar history of associating himself with mysogynistic music?

    Just because she’s a mega successful woman does not put Beyoncé at the vanguard of sex equality.

    For fuck sake Kat, please get a clue. People who champion Beyoncé as a feminist icon are not helping.

    • pandy
    • Jay

      PAUSE. Think of how many girls feel empowered when they listen to Beyonce? Looking at how successful she’s become, and how she is even more successful than her husband shows how much she’s come to impact young women. She calls herself King Bey, which shows you that just cause she is a woman, that doesn’t mean she can’t be the most powerful and go above and beyond. She’s doing it right. Think about how many hollywood celebrities have children out of wedlock. Some of them stay together and some of them don’t. She’s showing that it’s possible to have a marriage before kids. That’s not common now a days. HOV was like that BEFORE he met Beyonce. If I Were A Boy, that was an honest song that many girls can relate to…it doesn’t mean she wants to be a boy. 

      How does Single Ladies set things back? Most girls want to get married, and now we see most girls settling and waiting. She’s saying that I’m not gonna settle if you won’t put a ring on it. And also because of that song, most girls are proud to be single. They feel they can dance to it, unlike other love songs.

      Now puts your hands up. 

      • Tairy

        Single Ladies isn’t actually about wanting to get married at all. The point she’s making is that her ex-gentleman-friend has no claim on her now, and that line about putting “a ring on it” seems intended as a satire of his (somewhat old-fashioned) desire to have a claim on her and control over her actions.
        The defence rests.

  • http://twitter.com/3thanschmidt Ethan Schmidt

    I hadn’t heard or thought about any of these songs for at least five years until I saw this. Really would’ve liked to have kept it that way, too. Thanks, Kat.

    • http://twitter.com/3thanschmidt Ethan Schmidt

      Also, you all do know it’s highly likely that men wrote all of these songs, right? Sure, Avril may claim she writes her own shit but believe me, she doesn’t and she never will.

      • Anonymous

        insightful, ethan

  • http://twitter.com/3thanschmidt Ethan Schmidt

    I hadn’t heard or thought about any of these songs for at least five years until I saw this. Really would’ve liked to have kept it that way, too. Thanks, Kat.

  • http://www.facebook.com/blanketboat Jessica Blankenship

    kat, i HAVE to believe that “misogynistic undertones” is a sly what-up to Murray’s defense-of-rap-music speech in Clueless. 

  • amissa

    seriously! “I’ll keep my self up…. I’ll keep it tight, keep my figure right” It’s almost hilarious!

  • http://www.vergingonserious.com Cameo

    Great post!  I am currently typing this while playing the U.G.L.Y song.  It’s pretty funny – BUT SO BLATANTLY WRONG!!! Who green-lit that?  And, who is wasting their English degree writing such crap?  Actually, not a waste at all, they probably made some cash on that there endeavor.  Geesh!

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      Somehow I don’t think pop hits are cranked out by English majors…

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com Maxwell Chance

    6. Florance + The Machine – Kiss with a Fist

  • Nydiesel85

    You forgot JILL SOBULE “SUPERMODEL”

    probably the worst message for teenage girls.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=24703745 Carleigh Anne Mahaffey

    Dear Katy Perry,

    Your song “I Kissed a Girl” is really swell! It truly paints female sexuality in the best light, especially when you qualify your sexual experimentation by saying “I hope my boyfriend won’t mind.” You want to make sure that when you go out on a limb to quell any sort of sexual curiosity (especially when it involves crossing the line of being physical with another person) that your boyfriend should approve. And why wouldn’t he!? Dudes LOVE when chicks make out! Hopefully you’ll top off the evening with fighting over which one of you gets to suck his dick at the end of the night!!!

    I think what’s even better than the message just the song sends out is the one that’s expressed in the video! I love how infantalized you are! Wearing a babydoll dress in bed while stroking your pussy cat AND hanging out with your stuffed animal is all extremely sexy for a twenty-three year old woman to be doing.

    So keep on keepin’ on, Katy Perry! I wanna jam to this at the club with my girls, maybe make out with them, but then be totally appalled when dudes come over and watch!

    GIRL POWER!

    Regards,
    Carleigh

  • douchegirl

    I’ll just come right out and say it: I LOVE CATER 2 U. 

    Whatever, when I’m in love all I wanna do is brush my man’s hair and put his do rag on.

  • Numbers_in_1080

    Single Ladies, Beyonce

  • birdieboots

    (cough) Can we talk about Taylor Swift now? “You Belong With Me” is both creepy and totally encouraging of girl-on-girl cattiness over some dude.

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