Relationship Advice People Have Given Me And What I Think It Really Means

People don’t always mean what they say when they give you relationship advice, and sometimes their words can be as transparent as a piece of paper wrapped around a leg of fried chicken (mmmmm, chicken…). Here is my take on some of the advice I’ve been given by the people around me.

Mum

What she says: “It’s time for you to settle down and have a family.”

What she means: “I want to be a grandma. This has nothing to do with you or what you’re ready for, and it certainly doesn’t matter that you’re still single, I’m ready to be a grandma and that’s all that counts. Don’t you care about me, your own mother?”

Dad

What he says: “You’re still young, wait until you find the perfect man before you settle down.”

What he means: “If you end up with anyone who treats you badly, I’m going to make sure he lives to regret it, OK? I mean, this guy better be the balls or I’m going to crack some skulls. You deserve the best and you MUST BE HAPPY, just sayin’.”

Brothers

What they say: “You can’t go out with anyone unless we like him or he has a PlayStation.”

What they mean: “We’re never going to think anyone is good enough for you, but we’re willing to compromise if he lets us use his PlayStation.”

Grandma

What she says: “Be careful because lots of men just want to put their thing in your little birdie.”

What she really means: “All men are sex maniacs.”

Female friend

What she says: “He’s just not that into you.”

What she means: “I can’t believe I took all that advice from Sex & The City and I’m still single. Bitch, you think you’ve got problems…”

Male friend

What he says: “Just chill out.”

What he means: “Bitches be crazy. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Doctor

What he says: “Always use protection.”

What he means: “Always use protection, moron.”

Beyonce

What she says: “You don’t need a man!”

What she means: “You do need a man. Haha I got Jay-Z, what have you got?” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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