Accurate Tourism Slogans For Several European Countries

Disclaimer: Inspired by Josh Gondelman. As such, these would all make terrible tourism slogans.

England: “Presenting Kate Middleton (and her sister’s ass)”

France: “Foux da fa fa”

Germany: “Our sausages are huge”

Belgium: “In Bruges”

Luxembourg: “The best things come in tiny packages”

Spain: “Our goalie is hotter than yours”

Portugal: “Better than Spain”

Italy: “Come see our priapic clown! (But stay for the gelato)”

Czech Republic: “Existential crisis? Apply within”

Denmark: “Lars Von Trier is not a Nazi sympathizer, we swear!”

Sweden: “Ikea”

Greece: “Never pay tax again”

Cyprus: “Two for the price of one!”

Slovenia: “To violent crime: Slovenia says NO! ”

Croatia: “Get ready to party; recover in Dubrovnik”

Romania: “We’re not Communist anymore, plus we have the world’s second largest building in square feet. Beat that”

Bulgaria: “The home of Ken Lee”

Montenegro: “That place James Bond went to once”

Albania: “Feel free to blood feud”

Turkey: “We’ll be part of the EU soon, promise” TC mark

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  • http://fashiongrunge.com/ fashion grunge

    What about Iceland?

    • Linda

      She obviously thinks Iceland is part of Canada…

    • guest

      Iceland: Greenland is covered with ice, and Iceland is very nice!

  • Belgian

    Yankee fuckin’ cunt

    • Guestropod

      *Australian fuckin’ cunt

  • Aaron

    Sorry but this was REALLY bad…it reeks of American ignorance about the rest of the World (and yes, I do have a sense of humour)

    • Guestropod

      *Australian ignorance

  • Butthead

    God, this is dreadful. A mixture of crashingly obvious, unfunny stereotypes, and blithe ignorance. Write it again and make it funny please.

  • http://deuxballes.wordpress.com/ Evan O'Connell

    Yeah, this is just lame, really. I don’t know why you bothered.

  • Mba

    I think she is called Middleton.

  • Guesticles

    I don’t know what’s worse about this, how unfunny and stereotypical it is or the fact that you couldn’t even come up with this lame idea yourself

  • http://lucylucid.wordpress.com Lucy

    This is brilliant, and big props for putting Slovenia on there!

    • Butthead

      Kat George: now trading under the name ‘Lucy’.

  • Mashka

    I was super hopeful that this would deliver.. but it didn’t. Plus, where’s Ukraine?? Alas, we are always overlooked… even in trite unfunny ThoughtCatalog articles. Shame. 

    • Katgeorge

      Sorry! I only put down countries I’ve been to!

      • Mashka

        It’s ok… I figured that. 

  • Marcus Halberstram

    Don’t get her confused as an American. She’s Aussie. American girls don’t have skin thick enough to continually post predictable and bland articles, such as this let-down-of-the-century, on TC and deal with the peanut gallery’s…constructive criticism.

  • Jd

    Try harder. Read like it was written on the back of a napkin in 5 minutes.

  • Kobayashi

    Lame.

  • Guesty

    Pleasseee give it up!!! Have mercy!

  • Craig Duncan

    Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh x infinity

  • seriously

    I am continually surprised at the amount of comments pieces such as this get from people who clearly can’t get this is meant to be a joke playing on obvious stereotypes. 

    • Kimx2030

      Read the comments closely. The agitation is coming from how uncreative the piece is, not how offensive it is.

      • seriously

        I agree most are just saying how lame it is, but there is still no need to be so mean about it.  It’s a slight chuckle sort of joke not a roaring laughter.  My point mainly is that people on TC are seriously harsh when there is no need. 

    • Guesty

      People are commenting because it is lame as hell not offensive

  • http://twitter.com/charlottesachs Charlotte Sachs
    • Peters8

      those are all really stupid.

  • Michal Koutný

    Could the author (or someone who feels to do that) explain me the Czech Republic one? Thanks.

    • Guest

      Because every wannabe know-it-all wants to read Kundera or Kafka and run around Praha in a state of non-existance

  • Kennneth Gibson

    Okay, I thought for about two seconds and came up with better ones:

    Germany: “If you’re the kind of person that enjoys bondage clubs and 20th C. history then Germany wants to meet you!”Greece: “Shaved meat and the origins of democracy FTW.”Romania: “We may no longer be communist but we kept the architecture!”Cyprus: “The Felix Unger and Oscar Madison of the Mediterranean.”Turkey: “Smokers welcome.”

    Italy: “It’s actually called the Flavian Amphitheatre.”

    • Guestropod

      You’re right, those are better.

  • Tia

    Hey, here’s a novel idea! If you don’t like her STOP FUCKING READING HER ARTICLES. Then you don’t have to bitch about how you don’t like her writing. Fucking idiots.

  • jeff

    i actually thought this was really cute and funny. esp. sweden’s “ikea” and  montenegro’s “that place james bond went to once”
    solid job

  • Braveheart

    I take it that this is a sign of American Ignorance as they fail either to represent the UK as a whole or individually!!!! Where is Scotland, Ireland or Wales…..are you having trouble finding it on a map!

    • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

       I’m pretty sure it says somewhere that she only put down countries she’s been to.

    • Anonymous

      she’s Australian…

  • guest

    Yikes. She did say “several european countries” not ALL european countries. People should get a grip, and if you’re personal favorite country was skipped, instead of writing a spiteful commenting blasting the ignoring of your homeland- write one!

    Poland: Lovers of perogies and popes!

  • Bealtaine

    What about Ireland?there was soooooooooooo many funny lines you could have gone with…:(

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