Pre-Yoga Me Vs. Post-Yoga Me

Argh. This day sucks. It’s stuffy in here and I can’t think of anything to write. I shift constantly in my seat, as if my frustrated movements will somehow bring about the results I’m looking for. But no, all I’m doing now is fidgeting like there’s an itch in my pants that I’m too stubborn to just reach down and scratch while staring at a blank Word document. Did I mention how stuffy it is in here?

Shouldn’t I be further along in my career by now anyway? What if I never make it further along in my career? Oh God I better check my bank account. Damn I don’t have any money. Damn, Damn. When will I have money? I hate not having money. And I already said I’d go out for dinner tonight for my friend’s going away party. What t am I going to wear anyway? I hate all my clothes. I wish I had some money to buy more clothes. Damn, he’s going to be there, the one from the weekend. I wonder if I’ll get my period today and if I do will he still go home with me? God it’s stuffy in here.

Shit it’s almost time for yoga. Maybe I just wont go. But I already signed up and paid all that money—why my broke ass thought that I was a good idea I’ll never know. Who has time for yoga anyway? I’ve got too much work to do. Who are these damn yoga hippies anyway and why do they seem intent on slowing down the flow of capitalism? I better have a quick shower, the soles of my feet are filthy and I don’t want anyone to see that. OK got it, where are my gym clothes. Gym clothes, LOL, like I’ve ever been to the gym. Here this old singlet I never wear and these leggings with holes will do. Man I should buy some new clothes for all the working out I never do.

Lucky this studio is just across the road or I never would have made it. It’s even stuffier in here than it was at home, great, 3 poses in and I’m already dripping sweat on the matt. This is too hard. I can’t do it. That hurts. No that looks stupid. Damn, lady, stop pushing my joints into poses that require so much stretching. I just want to sit down on this here matt and maybe eat some fried chicken. What does yoga have to say about that? OK, this is ridiculous, how much longer do I have to hold this stupid downward dog… Oh yeah, good, that feels alright if I just stare at that point on the matt… Focus, Kat, stop being such a pussy… Focus… Hey where did all the thoughts in my brain go?


Wait, has it really been an hour and half? Oh, how did this lovely scented oil get all over my face? I have to get up now. Getting up. Oh yes that feels nice. Standing. Walking. Floating. Float to the change rooms. Pick up my belongings. Do I have enough money for a coffee? No matter, the only thing that matters is being a good person. I should try much harder to be a good person. Yes I think I’ll text all my friends and tell them I love them. Or maybe I’ll wait—technology is tearing us apart. Where’s Mother Nature when you need her? Maybe I should go on that Labor Day weekend yoga retreat, it sounds so nice.

I’m stumbling on the pavement, shuffling my feet dreamily, eyes still only half open. Oh isn’t this so lovely? Look at all these lovely people in the street. We’re so different on the surface but underneath we’re all the same, isn’t that so beautiful? Yes, I’m going to try so much harder to be a good person. Nothing matters but goodness. Goodness in your soul. Oh here’s the coffee shop! Hello coffee man, “may I pleaseeeeee have an iced Americanoooooo,” I’m purposefully pushing $3 into his hand, “thank-you sooooooo much.” He looks at me strangely and I just smile sleepily at him, he’s so beautiful, we all are. I wish I could love him.

I float home. I drink my coffee. It tastes like it’s fallen from heaven. I love that coffee man so much. How lucky am I to have such a wonderful coffee! I’m so happy. I think we should all chip in and buy my friend’s dinner tonight because he’s leaving and we love him. We love him so much. Money is no object when you love someone. Money is expendable, love is eternal. I should do some work, I should write about this experience. Oh, that’s so capitalist of me! I smile at the succulent on my desk. I’m writing anyway. TC mark

image – diamondmountain


More From Thought Catalog

  • Tau Zaman

    I read somewhere that everyone is doing yoga when they’re doing something that brings their true self out. So if you’re a writer and you love it, then you’re doing yoga when you’re writing. And if you’re playing basketball with your friends once a week,  then that’s your yoga for you.

    I like that philosophy. It makes me feel like I’m doing yoga while sitting on my bum reading TC.

    • Devon

      Metaphorical yoga. I guess, playing Madden would be my metaphorical yoga. It calms me down and makes me feel good. I can fully focus on it and forget all the problems in my life. But it still doesn’t come close to the high I get after doing actual yoga.

    • Anonymous

      My grandfather used to paint for hours down in his studio and you could walk all the way up to him and he would never notice.  He wouldn’t be startled when he saw you there, just serene.  This reminded me of that, and you put it perfectly Tau

  • Anonymous

    Pre-marijuana me Vs. Post-marijuana me.

    • Guesty

      pre-marijuana me: lying around house, dissatisfied, eating out of boredom, watching TV
      post-marijuana me: lying around house, eating, watching TV and having a fucking ball

  • O'Malley

    I work in a counseling office and will be sharing this article with all the crazy yoga die-hards. Thanks!

  • Lauren Wilford

    This is like the reverse of Fagan’s “Normal Me vs. Hangover Me.” Thanks for capturing this phenomenon– so real. 

  • Sippycup

    Nothing slows down the flow of capitalism like paying to learn how to make shapes with your body.

    That and your $400 weekly organic food bill.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve had an article parodied in TC. I have offically made it.

    • Katgeorge

      Beb–‘inspired by’

      I was also inspired by the yoga. You just gave me the means of articulation.

      PS <3

      • Anonymous

        Inspired by.


  • Michael Koh

    I do Vinyasa~~~~ start a yoga clinic ~~~~

  • LindaN

    Omg this article is so true! I feel like that almost everytime i go to yoga!

  • Anonymous

    Hello,everyone,sorry take your time a min,show a good fashion stuff 

    website —— www (vipstores) net —— you can input on your web there,if you

    do know how to do,you can click my username and you will come 

    our company website,maybe you will find something your like,thanks!

  • austenglitters

    and imagine it 30 days straight! My boyfriend asked where his girlfriend went and if she could stay there he like the less bitchy me so much more

  • Marvin McDougal Street

    Weirdly, I can relate to this.

  • Alyssa

    Yup, this is me. To a T. Mind becomes mush. I head over to Jamba Juice for a juiced drink instead of coffee. What, there are sweat stains in awkward places in my body? I didn’t even notice. I’m still in savasana.

  • ashlee jewel

    “I think I’ll text all my friends and tell them I love them”…that is SO TRUE!! LMAO

  • Guest

    I’m bookmarking this for whenever I’m too lazy to go to yoga.

blog comments powered by Disqus