Ironic Mistakes You Can Make In A Relationship

In relationships, you behave in a certain way that equates to what you believe constitutes a ‘perfect’ (or as close to perfect as ‘perfect’ can be) partner. You do many things that you imagine will minimize drama, making you endearingly agreeable and a dream to date. But sometimes—most of the time—you find yourself broken-hearted and betrayed. Despite your good intentions, a vastly overwhelming majority of people you date are more twisted than they looked when you first laid eyes on them at the bar, innocently sipping their generously mixed drink. You start to feel like Communism or Lady Gaga—you should work, but you just don’t.

When people list the qualities they expect from their ideal partner, honesty is normally close to the top of the list. It certainly is at the top of yours. And you are honest. You are an honest person. If you’re angry you will say so: “I didn’t appreciate the way you spoke to me just then.” If you are confused: “I love you but I’m feeling lost and I’m not sure where my life is leading me.” If you’re happy: “LALALALALALA I’M GOING TO PLAY SOME BEYONCE AND DANCE AROUND WEEEE!” In fact, you believe that communication is pivotal to a healthy relationship and that without it true intimacy can’t exist.

Ironically, your counterpart may not appreciate your honesty when it’s right there in broad daylight, revealing some piece of knowledge that you feel intrinsic to the propagation of your love, but which they feel is an over-share, an inconvenience or a burden to bear. Sometimes, it seems like your partner is happier in the dark—happier not to know the dark secrets that have made you who you are. Maybe they like to brush over arguments, to pretend they never happened.

You become a nuisance in your propensity to vocalize your thoughts and feelings, despite your partner’s initial espousals in the name of honesty. Moreover, your frustration with the situation may lead you to constantly verbalize in a way that ceases to be sharing, and begins to be nagging. You set out with the best intentions, but somehow your closed, problematic partner isn’t the problem—your hysterical, incessant, ever-escalating verbal diarrhea is.

Likewise, when you first met your partner he/she let you know how much they used to hate it when they asked their ex “what’s wrong?” when there was clearly something wrong, only to be met with an obstreperous “nothing.” You make a mental note of this, and weeks later when you’re driving in the car, a silent annoyance festering inside you because of something your boss said earlier that day, an argument you had with your sister, your partner pissed you off, or you’re just feeling moody for the sake of it, and your partner asks you what’s wrong, you say exactly what.

At first your partner will enjoy this disclosure, will enjoy being able to help you with your problems, because these are problems your partner can grasp. But sometimes, your partner will take on your bad mood, especially when your mood is born of little more than hormones, hunger, or exhaustion. They will become fed up with the way your issues become their issues, and they will begin to take any sadness on your part, no matter how rare in occurrence, as a personal slight. They will coerce you into fights you don’t want to have in the moments when you’re trying to explain your feelings. They will tell you you’re boring and selfish. Next time they ask you what’s wrong, you’ll answer “nothing,” even if the sky is falling down upon you. You feel like  you are no longer entitled to your emotions, from the rawest and the deepest to the most fleeting and frivolous.

When you first met, your partner was attracted to you for many reasons, one of them being some special skill you have. Maybe you can run really fast. Maybe you were employee of the month. Maybe you’ve read a lot of books. Maybe you’re a wonderful cook. Whatever it was, in the beginning, your partner was proud of you, and when he/she introduced you to their friends and family, they would always gush about the great thing you did last week. After all, doesn’t everyone want to love someone who inspires them?

Ironically, this swelling pride will turn to resentment as your partner beings to feel overshadowed by you. Maybe you’re earning more. Maybe you’ve won a prize for your efforts. Maybe your grades are higher. You notice your partner increasingly growing quiet when you achieve something new, especially if they feel your achievements are outweighing theirs. You notice that in groups when you’re asked about your last conquest and you divulge, your partner will gaze moodily into his/her drink, and later, in private, will inadvertently call you a brag. You begin to feel guilty for all the good things that happen to you, no matter how much blood, sweat and tears you shed to have them.

Tensions will rise, and ironically you will feel solely responsible, and will compensate by being extra understanding of your partner’s physical and emotional absences. When your partner suspiciously doesn’t answer his/her phone one night, you don’t think twice about it. When they’re in the shower the next morning, you don’t even think to check their text messages on the phone that’s beeping on the bedside table, inches away from your face. When your partner leaves for work, their laptop open on your kitchen table, you close it and put it away some place safe—it doesn’t even cross your mind to check their Facebook messages.

Ironically, you believe in your partner’s privacy. In some situations, this has worked for you. But every so often, someone comes along who will abuse your trust. And not only will they use your nature to indulge in their own lusty betrayals, they will complain incessantly about their ex and how jealous said ex was, constantly delving into their privacy. You feel assured that you are doing the right thing, that you are a great person to date. Ironically, you may never know any better. TC mark

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  • Anonymous

    Nitpicky undergrad problems

  • http://addybee.wordpress.com/ Adrienne Nicole Bernal

    Unfortunate that this is exactly what’s happening to me.

  • Guest

    “You start to feel like Communism or Lady Gaga—you should work, but you just don’t.”
    easily the worst comparison ever.  it sucks when someone with nothing interesting to say tries to sound smart.

    • Jordan

      I liked it.  She’s just toying around, I had a chuckle

      • Katgeorge

        Indeed. I feel that if you start taking comments like the one I made seriously, then there won’t be any fun left to be had.

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    Dudes don’t want to talk sometimes. Sometimes we know the shitty emotion and the perspective coming out of our mouth is shitty and probably not true, but if voiced will lead to a fight/tears/name calling toward the dude, possibly/and generally a greater moodiness/temporary hatred of life. Damned either way sometimes. Maybe always.

    Was cheating alluded to at the end?

  • Random

    This started out promising….

  • Craig Duncan

    This was a tough slog, Kat. I didn’t make it through. And after reading the latest Douglas Lain article, this was like walking into a crowded elevator, an elevator where the buttons were replaced with assholes, and these buttons that were now assholes did not take you anywhere once you pressed them and instead omitted methane in quantities that were determined by the numerical value of what were once normal elevator buttons that, at one point in time that was not this time, took you where you needed to go by virtue of being touched but now only fart-fuck your face with smells of shit.

    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      hahahahahahha oh my god, THIS

    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      hahahahahahha oh my god, THIS

    • Guest

       this is, by far, ranked as my best read on thought catalog to date.

  • Guest

    What’s up with the constant KatGeorge-negativity, friends?  Beginning to end, this was not that bad.

  • rg

    ‘Ironically, your counterpart may not appreciate your honesty when it’s right there in broad daylight, revealing some piece of knowledge that you feel intrinsic to the propagation of your love, but which they feel is an over-share, an inconvenience or a burden to bear. Sometimes, it seems like your partner is happier in the dark—happier not to know the dark secrets that have made you who you are. Maybe they like to brush over arguments, to pretend they never happened.’

    YES

  • Dminus11

    ironically, ironically was ironically used a lot in this article, ironically

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504951716 Tau Zaman

    An honest read. I liked it. Though, I question the use of the word “ironically” when a lot of times I felt that other words, such as “incidentally,” or, “hypocritically,” or, “unfortunately,” would have been better fits.

  • So it goes...

    Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. It pains me that I can relate to this too well.

  • So it goes...

    Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. It pains me that I can relate to this too well.

  • Guest

    I like this. Really good articles lately! Or I just love everything you write.

    Is it creepy that I read it in an Aussie accent? 

    Hope Not!

    • Katgeorge

      Not creepy but amazing. I want to hear your Aussie accent though, I hope it’s good!

      • Guest

        It’s probably not. 

        It’s like a mix of Irish, British and Aussie. HAHA!

        But it’s fun! 

    • Maggie

      Hah – I read everything on here in an Aussie accent.
      /no1curr

  • hotgasoline

    “Ironically, you believe in your partner’s privacy. In some situations, this has worked for you. But every so often, someone comes along who will abuse your trust. And not only will they use your nature to indulge in their own lusty betrayals, they will complain incessantly about their ex and how jealous said ex was, constantly delving into their privacy. You feel assured that you are doing the right thing, that you are a great person to date. Ironically, you may never know any better.”  
    PERFECT.

    • oy

      Ughh I am SO one of those girls. I prioritize honesty and I am a firm believer in privacy, but some wasted-text-snooping (first time in my entire life honest) revealed major cheating. I’ve never done anything like that before, and I fucking hate that I was RIGHT to be suspicious because now its just positive reinforcement for a horrible habit (snooping). I don’t want to be tempted to do it again in any future relationships!

  • oy

    hey if he’s an asshole the problem isn’t the content of your verbal diarrhea. You could be totally right but if he’s an asshole there’s no point in having the conversation at all; get gone.

  • Pirate

    “Despite your good intentions, a vastly overwhelming majority of people you date are more twisted than they looked when you first laid eyes on them at the bar, innocently sipping their generously mixed drink.”

    I stopped reading there…

  • Amonghumanity

    “You become a nuisance in your propensity to vocalize your thoughts and
    feelings, despite your partner’s initial espousals in the name of
    honesty. Moreover, your frustration with the situation may lead you to
    constantly verbalize in a way that ceases to be sharing, and begins to
    be nagging. You set out with the best intentions, but somehow your
    closed, problematic partner isn’t the problem—your hysterical,
    incessant, ever-escalating verbal diarrhea is.” Oh my god… this is so true for me. I can’t believe I’m just seeing this written down.

  • capnguinness

    See now, this is great!
     
    Truly truly horrible (in a good way). I think I just sunk a foot into the office floor.

  • Amanda Rizkita

    ‘ironically’ is the new ‘literally’, abused and overused

  • Will

    they be hatin’. ironically was used just enough times, not too much or too little.

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