The Joys Of Internet Foreplay

On Friday night I had the best first date I’ve had in a long time. He was cute, funny and smart, there was a natural flow of conversation and he didn’t try to share my dessert (which is grounds for immediate and eternal dismissal). All I wanted to do the whole time was reach out and touch him but I didn’t know if it was because he was so gosh darn cute or because I literally couldn’t—the boy was on the other side of the world, in Sydney, by way of Skype.

The two of us have never met in person. A mutual friend, Lorena/cupid, introduced us on Facebook, because Daniel (the boy) is moving to New York and she was helping him out with contacts over here. I’m not sure what Lorena intended when she introduced us but I still imagine her pressing our Facebook profiles against one another and making kissing noises like a small girl playing Barbie. Can anyone say, ‘you’ve got mail’?

When Daniel and I first started messaging each other on Facebook, Tweeting at each other and Skype chatting, I had the immediate instinct that when he got to New York we were going to fuck and that it was an unavoidable causal effect of us knowing each other. I’d never met him but I was drawn to him in the intrinsic way that a drunk is drawn to a cheeseburger—I wanted to have him even though he was only being served miles away.

At the start—between our witty textual Gen Y banter (I still keep thinking, oh my GOD, I am SAH Gen Y, sah much more than Tom Hanks)—I thought about him a lot, about how tall he’d be, what his voice would sound like and if his hand would fit perfectly across the small of my back. I worried that his voice would be high pitched and annoying, that he’d be a midget or that he was amputated at the wrists so that the least of my worries would be whether or not his hand could fit across the small of my back.

Nevertheless, over time I became a little bit infatuated with him, and a little bit bemused by this strange online foreplay. Knowing that he wouldn’t be in New York for months I tried to brush it off, but somehow found myself in a man drought that has lasted a full 4 weeks. But now, something wonderfully unexpected has happened–Daniel emailed me last week and told me he’d booked flights to visit New York for two weeks. In two weeks. 14 days. Ayo, technology.

So on Friday night (both miraculously sober) we had our first date. Admittedly, I talked way too much out of nervousness, but I knew I liked him because I got the feeling that he enjoyed me talking too much out of nervousness. When we hung up I wasn’t sure what was happening to me—I felt elated, smiley, and went to bed with butterflies dancing in my feet and knees and tummy and chest.

I’m still a little bit skeptical—even though there wasn’t any organized dating site involved, we still met online, and there’s a weird stigma I associate with that despite the fact that I’m pretty sure I could drink internet instead of water and still survive. But whatever; I’m excited, nervous, scared and giddy, which are all the best things about starting off with someone new. And on top of that I get that lovely sense of satisfaction that comes with a cute boy @ mentioning you on Twitter #winning. TC mark

image – Chapendra

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  • Jordan

    Well this was a fun little piece.  Update us!

    • Luvmyhubbymike05

      Agreed!

    • Katgeorge

      Will do! xx

  • Anonymous

    The use of the Charlie Sheen hashtag was really cute. Because, you know, misogyny is adorable and totally belongs on Thought Catalog. 

    • Bobby

      Your comment was really cute. Because, you know, assholes are adorable and totally belong on Thought Catalog.

      #winning has transcended charlie sheen and anything he might do or stand for. Her use of it is more indicativeof the fact that she “drinks” internet than anything else.

      • Katgeorge

        Bobby you're a good egg.

        And I really like the word transcended, I forgot about it for a little while but I'm going to start using it again. Will be sure to credit you.

    • Katgeorge

      Jokes beb. You need a line or to punch a woman or something to loosen you up.

      • Rachel Z

        ……….

        you are the worst contributor thought catalog has ever had

      • http://twitter.com/robinmalik Robin

        Why is that?

      • inflammatorywrit

        You clearly haven't come across Chelsea Fagan.

      • ELLA

        and you’re a huge bitch

  • skype

    reminds me of something i have going on with a guy, thanks to a mutual friend. he's on the other side of the country but i'll be joining him soon.
    such a cute story, i hope it works out.

    • Katgeorge

      I hope yours works out too! xx

  • average girl

    AYO technology, LOL nicely put.

  • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

    I wonder if he knows you wrote this about him. If not, when he finds out will he find it creepy or cute?

    • Katgeorge

      He's still asleep in Australia, I assume we'll find out soon enough!

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        Didn't your parents ever tell you about the 30,000-year-old rule that the more certain a guy is that he can fuck you, the less (and less often)  he'll want to? Wise-up and only write “defenses-down” stuff like this under a pseudonym…

        (but if “Kat George”   *is* a pseudonym:  I salute you!)

      • Katgeorge

        My mum taught me that if someone doesn't want me the way I am (which is honest) then he's not worth having at all.

        And Kat George is my name, always will be.

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        Well, I salute you anyway!

  • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

    My daughter is five… thankgod the Internet will be gone by the time she's old enough to make this kind of mistake! (laugh)

    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      the world's ending in 2012 anyway, so

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        the world *as we know it*.  Think of it as “Amish 2.o” and  get in the habit of saying “Thee” and “Thou” a lot. No more Internet but a major explosion of Graphic Novels, board-games and x-rated playing-cards.

  • Guest

    I feel so giddy about this article because the SAME thing happened to me…albeit via chatroulette which (I know, I know) is a lot weirder. I'll be studying abroad in Spain next semester which is where my internet friend hails. He says he wants to date, but I'm not even totally decided about meeting him, although I'm 99.99% sure he's not a psycho-internet killer as we've been talking for a year now and I have stalked his facebook enough to determine that. Funny that he's the only guy I've talked to for this long. Most my other relationships fail after a few months. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck!!! Please keep us updated :)

  • xra

    wait did you just call a phone call a date

    • Katgeorge

      Well yeah we sat across from each other and talked then we didn't have any sex which is what happens on dates in my experience.

  • m bell

    yea, you'll probs fuck on the first irl date, statistically speaking.
    “A study published in 2007 by researchers at the University of Texas School of Public Health showed that nearly one-third of adult women engaged in sexual activity during their first face-to-face meeting with men they had met online—and 77 percent of those did not use condoms—even though most had been clear in their online communications that they did not intend to meet to have sex and were wary about sexually transmitted diseases.” (see Stanford Magazine, http://www.stanfordalumni.org/

    • Katgeorge

      I promise I'll use protection!

  • Assirammmmmm

    Internet boys ftw! I've been on a messageboard for a while now, a lot of the people on there are really chill and the functional ones have meet-ups pretty often. I met 2 people from there so far. First, an adorable gay asian guy about my age. And second, an adorable, intelligent, STRAIGHT, guy a little older. Who just stayed at my house all weekend :D . (I've been talking to this guy for over a year and we were going to meet-up last summer when we found out we both live on Long Island but never did)
    Oh yeahhh internet relationships yeahhh.
    I'm all for it, whether it's just a friendship or turns into something more. I think it gives you a lot more ample opportunity to get to know a person than meeting them at a bar or something…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    Let's play baby

  • Guest

    this article made me smile !

  • Rachel

    Quite a handful of negative comments lol.
    Personally, I think this is adorable!

    • Katgeorge

      Thanks beb

  • http://www.facebook.com/danieldittmar Daniel Dittmar

    You best write a good review post-irl. I took a heap of ridiculous screenshots…

    • Katgeorge

      Holding me randsom is a bad idea–you wont win! I'll just write something about you having a small penis or something something. WAR!

      • http://www.facebook.com/danieldittmar Daniel Dittmar

        I'll just hold your cherry ripes and milo ransom instead.

      • Katgeorge

        YOU WOULDN'T

      • Pfft

        and he knows two of my friends from back home. how funny

  • guesst

    Nice article Kat.  The only little thing I take issue with is that you say you are so Gen Y and you drink internet, but you talk about the 'weirdness' of meeting someone online. GIRL this is 2011! Most couples nowadays are meeting online- embrace it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    get it gurl

  • http://twitter.com/chandeeliers Ng Lay Peng

    This is so cute! Good luck!

  • ere211
  • ere211
  • wwo916
  • annasaurus

    I'm a bit late to comment, but you have no clue how many volumes this speaks to me. I've had an internet flirtation… thing going with a guy for over 3 years now.  The last paragraph of your article is the Cliff's notes of my love life, currently.

    Thank you for this, really. I bookmarked it. Good luck with the IRL side. :)

  • Sara

    so late but uuugh i hate online flirtations. they make me crazy. i cant do it. im fine online but in real life i find the person and i have no chemistry so we just suck each others faces for kicks.
    awesome.

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