Things I Love Doing In The City Heat

When I first moved to New York people warned me about the summer, “it’s so hot and awful, you won’t survive!”

Bitch, don’t you know I’m from Australia?

So come on New York, chin up. I understand how hot it is but saying so every thirty seconds isn’t going to make it any cooler. I want you all to stop moaning—it’s the season of sweat and sex, and there are a million things you can do in the glorious weather that don’t involve whining like a baby (and one in particular that does). Embrace the sunshine, and shamelessly indulge in some of my favorite summer activities.

Get wet

Remember being a kid and the best thing about long hot summers was the license to wet and be wet? If you don’t have a pool, river or beach handy, improvise. Blow up an inflatable pool on the roof of your building. Organize a water fight with all your friends in the park, or even the street if you have a quiet neighborhood. There’s nothing quite like squealing like you’re 12 again, or the feeling of being so drenched that the skin on your fingers starts turning prune-like and you can feel your underpants squelching as you run away from an onslaught of flying water balloons (not a euphemism, please take literally).

Have a BBQ

Turn a few snags over some red-hot coals. Crack open an ice-cold beer or 6. Hang out with friends. Laugh. Sweat. Learn how to play cricket and have a lazy game in the street. Get a little red in the cheeks. Watch your very unfashionable wife beater tan lines take shape. Wear flip-flops. Be too hot together. Get drunk quickly and go to bed early. What a good day you had.

Take off your shoes

I know this is New York and walking shoeless in the street will probably give you AIDS or worse, but if you’re at the park or somewhere you wont get tapeworm, take your shoes off and let the smelliest part of your body breathe.

Melt ice

One of my favorite things to do as a girl in the summer was to lay out on the grass in my backyard with some girlfriends and have ice melting competitions. We’d pull up our t-shirts to expose our bellies and on the count of 3 we’d all drop a block of ice onto our belly button. Whoever’s melted the quickest could lay claim to being the hottest (and therefore suffering the most), but that person would also paradoxically be the winner. You would be surprised how fun this is, and how competitive people can get over something they have no control over.

Have sex

Summer sex is like drunk sex, tired sex and porno sex all combined into one giant sweaty, smelly ball of orgasm. Let your lover drip all over your body. Drip all over your lover’s body. Go slow and do it for hours in the afternoon in the romantic half light that peers through your white cotton curtains. Maybe invest in some air-freshener beforehand and enjoy a cold shower together afterwards.

Roll the windows down

If you have a car roll the windows down. Pack the car with all your friends. Drive somewhere, anywhere—it’s summer, you don’t need a destination. Play Nelly’s ‘Ride Wit Me,’ Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born To Run’ and other gratuitous open road classics (Don Henley, Bryan Adams; the material is virtually endless) really loudly and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs.

Take a walk or ride

Walk or cycle through your neighborhood in a lazy summer outfit. If you’re a girl a simple sundress will suffice; if you’re a boy I suggest cut off shorts, v-neck and some sexy sunglasses. Let your hair go wild with the humidity. Smile at the people you pass on the street (especially the ones you’re attracted to). Let your cheeks flush and leave the glistening layer of sweat on your forehead and chest. Everyone is in heat—revel in the pheromone explosion because summer is the only season where sweaty is a turn on. TC mark

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  • Pfft

    dude, you just moved here five fucking seconds ago. Lay off with the advice. 
    also, how can you possibly be doing anything or meeting anyone when you spend all day inside posting fucking thought catalog articles. 
    go outside and get some friends. 
    frealz.

    • greg

      who is even saying this is advice for others during summer? its what she loves dude. Chill the fuck out and stop trolling.

    • Jordan

      damn you get paid? i wrote my TC article for free!
      /kidding

    • georgia

      go outside and stop commenting on them. please.

  • Pfft

    also it's New York. DO NOT TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!
    and if i see you wearing flip flops, i hope you get feet herpes.

  • Pfft

    i meant thongs. geez.

  • http://twitter.com/rislynsey christopher lynsey

    Complaining has soothing and cooling effects.

  • Duke Holland of Gishmale

    I think I love you.

  • appleping45
  • coffeeandinternets

    As someone from Florida, I often hear the phrase “but you must be used to this” come summer weather time.  Can I just say, hell no I am not used to this.  In Florida, we go from home to car to work to car to home, all the time enjoying the luxury that is air conditioning.  I had no idea what a window unit was until I moved to Brooklyn, and when I did find out, it was the first of many city disappointments.

    In NYC, you are constantly subjected to the heat.  Have to walk from your sad window unit-adorned apartment, in sticky heat, to a subway station that smells of 100 degree homelessness, with brief respites in the subway car and your office.  There is no way to avoid it, and I protest it heartily.

    Another tip to cool off though: hang out with the Dominican kids in South Williamsburg and give them sour worm gummy candies so they will let you run through the open fire hydrants with them.*

    *Don't do this if you look like/are a pedophile

    • douchegirl

      I'm from Ecuador (in South America) and have lived in South Florida for almost 10 years. I was in NY for the first time this past weekend and WTF?! It's June. Why was it 57 degrees at night?! I was freezing the whole time. 

      DO. NOT. WANT. 

      I like going to the beach in December, not walking 5 blocks with snow up to my ass.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1198922828 Marianna Elvira

      Seems everyone in south Florida (except me) loves the heat. It can all go DIAF.

  • Eli_Ash

    Great article, great ideas.
    I'm totally hosting a squirt gun battle.

  • Ruthlezz

    Love your ebullient web presence, KatGeorge. Want to have a waterballoon fight with you in real life.

  • wwhq95
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1135492806 Ischra Centeno

    I've always found whining about hot weather funny. When I moved to Madrid people always complained about the terrible heat, and I was like: “Bitch please, in my city in the summer we're at 120º, this is child's play”.

  • http://imlikecocaine.wordpress.com/ Ana

    you make my least favorite season sound so fun! huge thank you from the sweaty girl somewhere in cookin’ Bucharest.

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