I Am Right Where I Need To Be

woman in white shirt touching the snow
Andi Rieger / Unsplash

I could make a list of things that I try to change about myself. Whether it be cutting out certain foods, making myself only eat when I’m hungry, or holding my tongue when someone says something that truly hurts. And I could spend a whole lifetime picking apart pieces of me.

I know that I could be more outgoing and I could also shut up at the same time. I know I could stop giving my heart to people who probably wouldn’t do the same. I know I could work out more and spend more time with my parents. I know I could study more and go to church more. But I’m also proud of the woman that I’ve become. I know I’m sensitive and get hurt easily.. but I can also pour my heart into another person so that they won’t be hurting.

I know that I can talk to a customer or friend and be able to give them my authentic self. I know that no matter how dark and scary the world may be I will be there through it all. I know that I want to be the best version of myself and one day I’ll be in a city somewhere drinking wine from a coffee mug.

I also know that I love art even though I may not be an artist. I know that I won’t be the same girl looking back at me in the mirror. I know that I will grow from here. I’m starting out my journey of falling in love with myself. I refuse to get anxiety attacks and wonder why I’m not good enough. I am so excited to fall in love with myself and I’m doing small steps to get there. Whether that be cleaning out clutter in my life and reading more classic literature. I’m starting to journal more and talk to God more.

I know that I am more than the girl who felt heartbroken and small after her first breakup. Two days ago I wrote a list of qualities that I want in my future husband and friends. I then looked over that list and made sure that I embody all of those values and share the same qualities. I do not want a single person to fill holes in me. I want to be so full on my own that I don’t need someone to make me feel special. I want to be able to see my beauty without a compliment or a mirror. I’m blessed to be the woman that I am now even with the list of flaws. I am exactly where I need to be and I can’t wait to see where I go from here. TC mark

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