When I first met you, I was obsessed with the future. I was constantly thinking about what my life was going to hold, where I was going to go, and how I was going to get there. I’ve always been a planner, and I wanted to plan every second of the next 10 years of my life.
Where I would go to college.
What I would major in.
What classes I would take.
What city I would live in.
When I would get engaged.
When I would get married.
When I would have kids.
I wanted to have it all figured out.
When I first met you, I was so sure that if I planned my whole life out nothing would go wrong. If I already had everything figured out, how could life surprise me? Pinterest boards of weddings, dorm rooms, houses, and job tips helped me feel like I had it all together. I wrote list after list of things I needed to do to help set me up for my perfect life. I was sure I had it all figured out.
When I first met you, I was so in love with the idea of the perfect future that I had planned, that I daydreamed about it constantly. I couldn’t stop thinking about how you would propose to me, how much money I would make at my job, how many kids we would have. I spent my days wondering why you didn’t feel the same way. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t constantly think about our future, too. I would get sad when you wouldn’t want to help me plan out the rest of our lives.
After you said that to me, I started looking at every day as a beautiful gift, because you cannot guarantee a tomorrow, but you can guarantee today. I see the beauty in the little moments of each day, like lying in bed and talking to you before falling asleep, or sitting on the couch and drinking a cup of tea after a long day of hard work. The insignificant details of my day suddenly seem to be some of the most important moments.
After you said that to me, I stopped caring about planning every little second of my life. No matter how much you plan, nothing will ever go your way anyway. Life throws curveballs your way constantly, it just happens. You may as well take the ride that life gives you. Now I live for each moment, instead of a day that is months or years away.
After you said that to me, I didn’t stop day dreaming about our future together, but it stopped consuming my life. Yesterday I found myself smiling when thinking about our future, not because I wanted it to happen now, but because I could imagine how beautiful it was going to be when we do get there. Then I smiled even brighter because I realized our life is that beautiful right now, in this very moment.
It is so easy to live in the future, to live in a world that doesn’t really exist. I admire your love and your will to live in the moment every single day. To take your time to really live your life is one of the most powerful things you do, and is one of the many reasons I love you so much. And I feel like the luckiest woman in the world, for you to have taught me to live and love every moment of my life.