Give me a break.
I’ll be the first to admit that, yeah, sometimes being single absolutely sucks.
On a cold and rainy Sunday afternoon, I find myself yearning for someone to cuddle up with on the couch and have kiss my forehead absentmindedly while we watch a good-bad movie on Netflix. While being loved-up has its perks and, one day, I hope to be in a relationship with an amazing person who goes above and beyond for me, right now, I’m very single and completely fine with it, thank you very much.
Even though I’m perfectly happy with my current relationship status, people can’t seem to be able to comprehend this fact, constantly asking if I’m seeing anyone or if I’ve been on any dates recently. To my absolute horror, my own mother asked me the other day if I was having sex with anyone, and if we were using any of the kinky sex toys I sometimes write about. I can assure you, I almost died right there on the spot.
It seems if you’re single, suddenly your love life is everyone’s business. I’m constantly being bombarded with well-meaning, completely unsolicited romantic advice. Because, as any unattached gal will tell you, people just can’t grasp the notion that a woman would ever be single by choice, and prefer to waste their conversations with you dolling out painfully overused catch-phrases like…
1. “How are you still single? You’re so great!”
2. “Plenty of fish in the sea.”
3. “I was already married when I was your age.”
4. “Don’t you ever get, you know, lonely?”
5. “Live it up now, because when you’re married, you’ll wish you were single.”
6. “I know someone who would be perfect for you – I should set you two up.”
7. “Maybe if you just tried a little harder to look nice, someone would notice you.”
8. “Better hurry, you don’t want to get left on the shelf…”
9. “Have you tried online dating?”
10. “Don’t try online dating, I hear it’s dangerous!”
11. “It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
12. “So, do you like anyone?”
13. “Maybe your standards are too high…”
14. “Have you ever thought about dating (insert completely platonic friend’s name here)?”
15. “Are you on Tinder?”
16. “At least if you’re single and a girl, you can have sex whenever you want. It’s easier for you than it is for men.”
17. “Your biological clock is ticking…”
18. “You just need to put yourself out there.”
19. “I have no idea how you’re still single, you’re so pretty!”
20. “Don’t you want to feel loved by someone?”
21. “You’ve been single for ages now, isn’t it time you moved on?”
22. “I feel so sorry for you.”
23. “Once you stop searching, that is when love will find you.”
24. “I think it’s great you’re happy being completely alone.”
25. “If you don’t find someone soon, you’ll end up a crazy cat lady.”
26. “You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.”
27. “Urgh, why do women care about being single or in a relationship so much, anyway?”