There’s been quite the explosion of attention on our princesses lately. Thought Catalog’s own Rachael Sacks, Elite Daily’s Mackenzie Newcomb and the entitled Brooke Hauge, Fakhara Sultana from that recent first date mess, the naked girls on Halloween, and many other accounts of selfie-addicted image-crafters on social media.
Barely prepared for the upcoming butt hurt and defensiveness, I thought I’d say my piece on this phenomenon anyway before this generation of women self-destructs.
Inspired by the FRUSTRATED experiences that friends and strangers alike have gone through when it came to Gen-Y princesses, the words above are the most frequent terms and labels used to describe these girls—based on consistent observations. Obviously thrown from an emotional bias, but why be delusional to admit that they actually have truth in them?
I’m a Gen-Y female myself, who has been—thankfully—given painful reality checks by well-intending people to help me see the light of my character and on how I can improve it.
I’m no perfect gem myself. I came to these observations based on many mistakes I’ve made and seeing how self-serving attitudes, self-centeredness and complacency have hurt others around me more than I realized. You name it, I was one of those who took a lot of selfies/”modeling” pictures who had a knack for over-dramatizing everything in my life (and passive-aggressively attention-whoring about it on Facebook), and my automatic response to real life hardships always came in the form of victimizing myself.
Being raised in North America, while not rich financially, I still lived comfortably enough to be “spoiled”. In this comfort, it was always easy to take things and people for granted. When most basic things come effortlessly to you, it’s incredibly easy to find other ways to impose difficulties on yourself. It’s human nature to need challenges for growth, granted, but it’s definitely noticeable that a lot of us cause a lot of self-inflicted drama and pain. First World problems, yeah?
Now why do I specifically target my fellow females in this entry? This common issue has really affected me because of a LOT of reflective talks with friends. Males and females alike (but mostly male), shared in on their painful experiences from dealing with an emotionally unstable female… usually the type who falls under the character profile mentioned above. A lot of these unnecessarily hurtful experiences can mostly be narrowed down to inconsistent behaviors projected by the girl’s low self-esteem. If you are a Gen-Y, “privileged” first-worlder like I am, you should have enough social experiences to spot those passive-aggressive behaviors that are congruent to having low self-esteem—and not knowing how to own up to it.
THE GENDER SHIFT
I will have to admit, that more guys lately have been showing MORE proactive actions towards improving themselves, therefore resulting in better displays of well-rounded personalities and intellect. Since younger women have gained a social upper-hand in the last few years due to the sex-sells (or sexism-sells) mainstream culture, it also meant they received a lot more attention, protection, and social advantages. Frankly, we’ve been getting a lot of things our way lately. (Which makes me wonder why we even have room to still be bitchy as hell?) In the mating dance, a lot of guys are getting rejected (unfortunately being labeled creeps or being “friend-zoned”) because women have so many potential mates to choose from. We didn’t have to do too much work until the most alpha of these guys pick us. With this benefit too, we advanced emotionally and socially in our earlier years a lot faster because of easily-acquired experiences and knowledge.
In comes the pick-up/seduction industry to help men attract women. This industry is no joke. There is a LOT of powerful material here that has helped men become better people, and also get a psychological upper-hand. Not just with seducing women but to become well-rounded people with strong emotional intuition and leadership qualities. A lot of rejection is a strong motivational force that got these men into polishing themselves—spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally— which allow them to “catch up” significantly to women in terms of presence in relationships and other social situations.
Hate on the PUA industry all you want. It became an art and gigantic industry for a reason, stemming from the heartaches (and dry spells) of the many vulnerable men that we’ve done so well at demonizing. And for most young women… we’ve slacked off. We hardly initiate things ourselves. Then easily and blindly take actions towards where there is most emotional stimulation (and if you don’t agree with this, just go ahead and try challenging a seasoned pick-up artist in person). Whether it’s explicitly admitted or not, we are still more concerned about our appearances, material belongings, security, self-inflicted dramas, and the delusional notion that people actually give a fuck about our carefully-crafted image and posts on social media. And one of these days, the “right guy/girl” will just appear into our lives because we’re such princesses, and he/she will just add magic into our lives without us working for this person. We expect things to be handed to us. And we have been used to getting things handed to us, which is why chicks can be quite apathetic to rejecting or acting coldly towards people who pursue them. They don’t know what it’s like to earn or work for someone’s attraction. People usually just come to you, right? And all you have to do is accept or decline, right? A girl can be as self-aware as she can be, but as long as you are comfortable, you will be complacent, incredibly apathetic and entitled. Which means you will hardly work or earn your way into someone’s heart from your own initiative and emotional investment.
A lot of young women are forgetting how to be PRESENT in conversations and relationships, to be truly EMPATHIC towards other people, to really WORK on their relationships and themselves, and to be truly accountable for their own actions. Has anyone else found that it’s easier to converse or humor with guys than with girls (more often, but not always)? Or why there are chicks that say they get along better with guys than their fellow females? It’s weird but I think it’s primarily because we forget PRESENCE and to really appreciate the company we have. We’re not humble. And guys are used to having to direct the progression of a relationship. We fall into several habits of self-indulgence and follow whatever copied behaviors and images are deemed glamorous. I call it the Marilyn Monroe-syndrome (aka. ‘I’m a tortured, misunderstood, and destroyed but glamorous woman’), or YOLOing, etc… Why do you think our economy is primarily enabled by women, who make the majority of material purchases? Because we’re so goddamn impressionable.
Men are too, but women are much more emotionally moldable. Research the social trends. Why do you think romance, marriage, and weddings became such lucrative businesses for a while? Why do you think the beauty and modeling industries are so large and still constantly profiting?
So anyway, I understand that this is a problem most common in –immature girls– (as opposed to grown women). If you’re a well-rounded chick and you’re a solid personality, these observations won’t even scrape you. You simply KNOW that you have a lot to offer. But it’s incredible how much our “airheaded-ness” is still a common issue. Most girls in North American / Westernized cultures are not humble at all, which really skew our perceptions on how to manage relationships. This egoism comes in many forms, no matter how “sweet” the girl’s personality is… Her preoccupation with herself and her inner demons make her completely UNAWARE of how she’s affecting others or how to conduct herself around them.
After some experiences, I no longer believe in calling people “haters” when they disagree or criticize a narcissistic action. That is simply an excuse to keep dodging personal accountability and to keep disregarding how you’re affecting other people with your actions, while keeping up the delusional idea that your personal dramas are really worth the spotlight, even though they really aren’t and they don’t add any substance into others’ lives.
TL;DR version: Gen-Y females lately are becoming people who are lacking in substance and character…whether they like to believe that fact or not. We are getting made fun of and not taken seriously because of several, consistent narcissistic actions adapted from being in privileged, materialistic and celebrity-worship-centered environments.
To put everything in better perspective, why don’t you ask a guy (or another girl) who has dated women all over the world? You are most likely, going to get a humbling reality-check about how, for example, most European and Middle-Eastern women can be total 10s without makeup and have the stellar characteristics, humility and intellect which enhances their beauty even more. How do we stack up when we’re dominantly living in a culture that doesn’t put too much importance in having substance and solid relationship skills?
I write this with much love for my fellow Gen-Y females, who I know truly mean no harm to anyone but are only trying to find and create themselves in this life. I am just as inexperienced as you are. But with this in mind, to truly work on most of the things we are getting called out on for, we have to switch our attitudes towards being other-centered and people-serving, while also not neglecting our own health, growth and well-being. A lot of our insecurities and shame translate into a lot of selfish behaviors just to hide them. Our lives will have more meaning and love if we proactively improve our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being, with the motivation of becoming a better person for others, rather than to just be “admired” and spectacled over.