To The Man Who Loved Me—I’m Sorry I Couldn’t Love You Back

There were two things I wanted to tell you: I’m sorry and thank you.

We were not on speaking terms anymore and it was a decision I made that I knew would be the best for the both of us.

It wasn’t a good ending, because you wanted to push through and wait for me, even though I told you countless of times that friendship was the only thing I could offer; but I stood firm with my decision. I knew you didn’t want us to end this way because you always told me that losing me was the last thing you wanted to happen, that we’d rather be friends than for you to lose me. I knew you hated me for doing this, but I hope that one day, you’d be able to understand.

This was all for you.

I didn’t want you to be stuck with me; I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to find someone who would be able to love you in return. That same unconditional love you so willingly gave me, which endured all the pain and conquered all of the challenges. That same passionate love that begged to be felt, appreciated and acknowledged.

That love which I took but wasn’t able to give back.

This is me saying my sorry.

Sorry that I was too selfish. Sorry for putting you through so much pain. Sorry if there were times that I took for granted your feelings for me. Know that I didn’t want to intentionally hurt you. That was why I made the decision to stop all contact from you. This was my last attempt in saving you from me.

I also wanted to thank you.

Thank you for all the things you did for me, but most especially for showing me what it felt like to be truly loved. You always put my happiness first before yours. You showed me you were sincere and serious no matter how much I doubted you for your intentions. You took your time to know not only me but also my family. You were always there to listen to my ramblings no matter how silly they were. You put up with my craziness and my mood swings. You didn’t judge me when you saw my imperfections yet loved me even more.

Thank you for showing me that I was worth it. For erasing all of my insecurities and reassuring me. For not letting me doubt if someone loves me or not. Thank you for showing me that I shouldn’t accept half-assed love.

Lastly, thank you for loving me with all of you.

Thank you, thank you so so much.

Before I end this, I want you to know that I miss your corny jokes, your cheesy pick-up lines, but most especially, I miss you. Every single day.