How To Be A Disaster

Sometimes it’s OK to go on a six month downward spiral, as you long as you’re chic about it. Basically, there’s a right way and a wrong way to be a disaster. Like, you can’t just show up to your abortion wearing sweatpants. What if you ran into a street style photographer on the way there? Or the way back? Then what? And FYI, falling asleep on the L train with a half chewed piece of felafel in your mouth is not “rock n’ roll,” it’s downright unglamorous. There is an art to being tragic. Below is an A to Z list of things one must prioritize in order to spiral out of control IN STYLE. (Compiled with the help of Ally DeVellis and Adri Murguia)

A

Alcohol
Anal
Art school
Accidental blow-job

B

Boys
Blogging
Blacking out
Bondage
Honorary mention: Birth control

C

Clubs
Carbs (the absence of)
Cocaine
Chlamydia

D

Depression
Dopamine (receptors in the brain)
DJing
Desperate (looking/feeling/acting)

E

Ecstasy
Eating your feelings
Edgyness
Eternal void

F

Facebook
Fucking
Fashion
Filters
Honorary mention: Famous

G

Girls (the gender and the show)
Guestlist
Gangbang
Glamour addiction
Honorary mention: Going Out

H

Horny
Hangover (never-ending)
Hash-tag
Hickey
Honorary mention: human papillomavirus

I

Instagram
Ingrown hairs
Internal bleeding
Irrelevance

J

Jealousy
Judging strangers
Jewelry
Jerking off

K

Kissing
Kill (myself)
Ketamine
Klonopin

L

Lesbian moment
Lying
Lube
Lost (the feeling not the show)

M

Masturbation
Menstrual cycle
Modeling
Master Cleanse (Beyonce’s)

N

Negative (vibes)
Nudity
Not caring
Nightlife

O

Orgasm
Orgy
One night stand
Owing people money

P

Porn
Posing
Pregnant? :(
Peeing on people
Honorary mention: Party photography

Q

Questions (so many)
Queer
Queef
Quaaludes

R

Rape
Rash
Running (out of battery/away)
ROFL (coptor)

S

Serotonin (lack of)
Strap-on
S&M
Smiling (with your eyes)
Honorary mention: Slut

T

Text regret
Tantrum
Turning point (not being there)
Tying bitches up

U

Uterus
UTI :(
Used (doing/feeling)
Underage
Honorary mention: Un-tag

V

Vodka soda with lime (#LowCal)
Very glamorous
Viagra
Virginity (taking by force)

W

Women’s issues
Wondering (always & forever)
Whip
Whore

X

Xanax
X-tina
Xenophobia
Xenon (girl of the 21st century)

Y

YOLO
Yesterday (not remembering)
Y not?
Yeast infection

Z

Zack Morris
Zoloft
Z-list celebrities
Zombie apocalypse TC Mark

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