Consuming Bodily Fluids

Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

My boyfriend suffers from chronic nosebleeds, which is cool for me because I happen to find nosebleeds incredibly hot, and whenever he gets one all I can think about is licking his lips or eating his bloody tissues or drinking the stuff straight from his nostrils. At first he wouldn’t indulge me—I think it was a mix of the obvious health risks and him being skeptical of how much it actually turned me on—but now, after months of begging, he’s taken to letting me clean his face with my tongue whenever the opportunity presents itself.

The desire to consume his bodily fluids seems totally obvious to me, as it’s just another way of getting at what’s “inside him,” or whatever cheesy way you want to put it. We all know what it feels like to want to be so close to someone that merely pressing yourself up against their body is not enough, and the only way to achieve the desired level of closeness would be to literally cut them open and crawl inside their ribcage, submerge yourself in all the weird junk that lives beneath their skin. Or, alternatively, to drink their blood/piss/sweat/spit/whatever. This is a natural human desire that emerges somewhere within that foggy space between obsession and love. It is not weird.

The dominatrix who I sometimes assist, Mistress Dee, recently invited me to join her in a “piss blast”—a service she regularly performs for a client who’s “into piss, blood, and any other liquidy stuff you can make come out of you.” I agreed, and her text response read as follows: Come in secretary outfit with your makeup and hair looking nice, and be VERY hydrated. I drink a gallon of water before meeting him. He is bringing a tarp for the floor.

I show up at the dungeon in midtown at 4pm. Dee is late. The receptionist leads me to a room with red walls and a throne and a giant black wooden X on the wall with metal chains hanging from its edges. I sit on a large leather cage and change into a pencil skirt, white blouse and secretary-ish glasses that I bought from a sidewalk bargain bin on the way here.

“Sorry I’m late, nothing is going right for me today,” says Dee as she barges through the door. She slams her large handbag onto the cage next to me and begins rummaging through it. “Oh great,” she moans, “now my tooth brush just rubbed against my butt plug.” #EverydayProblems.

The client shows up and Dee tells him to get naked. This is how most sessions begin. He’s in his late 40s with a big gut and dyed brown hair with graying roots. He strips down, reaches into his gym bag and pulls out a large black tarp that he spreads out into the floor. Next comes a plastic funnel with a 2ft hose taped to its small end. “I made this special for the occasion,” he says with a stupid smile. “So I don’t waste a drop.” I wince.

The client lies down on the tarp face up and Dee begins by straddling his head and peeing into his open mouth. Dee looks like a doll, like she’s from another time: chestnut ringlets, skin paler than pale, body like a Gibson Girl. Mid-pee Dee catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, stops to squeeze her ass and says, “Damn, I’m hot, aren’t I?” The client and I both smile and nod. It’s genuine.

I close my eyes and try as hard as I can to erase my mind of thought as I piss onto the client’s head, stomach, dick, wherever. I stop and start again, to make the fun last longer. Dee and I take turns peeing into the funnel as he guzzles from the far end of the hose. There is so much pee. Both of us have clearly been holding it for hours and the sheer amount of the stuff shocks us all. He’s flapping around on the floor like a fish out of water, vacuuming up any excess urine off the tarp with his mouth.

“Mmm… I like it when they mix together,” he smiles, licking his lips. They compliment each other so nicely, like a pee cocktail.” He pauses to belch loudly, commenting that all the urine is making him bloated. I gag, feeling like I might actually puke. The pee itself isn’t the problem—I pee on people all the time—but for whatever reason I can’t help but find this whole scene completely vile. His actions are robotic. I feel like I should be able to relate to him, to empathize with his need to drink from someone else’s insides, but somehow this feels so different.

Because as much as I want to slurp my bf’s nosebleeds and make milkshakes out of his cum, it’s only him that I feel this way about. I don’t have a fetish for consuming bodily fluids, I have a fetish for him. And as I look down into the client’s piss burnt eyes, his head and chest hair matted with urine, I think, I am not like you. TC mark


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  • JJ

    That second paragraph is really beautiful.

  • wtf....

    Is this some kind of joke?

  • christopher lynsey

    “All the body fluids I've ever consumed.”

  • PJO

    Is this written by the same chick who had that article in VICE recently?

    • Edwardswatkins

      It's the Slutever girl who wrote about being a dominatrix in Vice, yeah.

  • Jouromeo

    And as I read this I think “I am not like you.”

    I don't want to consume anything from inside anybody else. Now, consuming the moments in which we touch our flesh of the feelings of a special moment, YES!!! but Any. Thing. Else. NO!!!

    Great writing. Interesting topic. Odd after taste in my thoughts. Imbibed has a new meaning as of right now, at least for me.

    Thank you for sharing.

  • nor'easter

    ummm what?

  • MaryR

    This article is very interesting and sweet in a weird way.  Thank you for sharing!

  • Joe

    I was just reading Daniel Coffeen's article 2-3 pages in about Perversion, and I think this is a nice complement to it.

  • klaris

    Creeped me out, but thanks for sharing anyway. I was about to have breakfast.

  • Toodooloo

    Uummmm….whaa…is this real life? Did I just read that?

  • Mom

    This is your mother and I'm very proud of you.

  • Brononymous

    This is creepy as hell.

  • Jas_ray


  • Megan

    I love Karley

  • AA


  • Melissa Brandt

    i pee on people all the time

  • Aelya

  • Abby

    On some level, I'm grossed out by this, but I often think of the inconsistencies we have concerning the consumption of bodily fluids. People consume cum, male and female, without flinching–are usually expected to do so–but it's not socially acceptable to consume blood, urine, vomit, whatever. On some basic level, aren't they all the same? I personally wouldn't be into it, but it's something to ponder…

    • STaugustine

      “People consume cum, male and female, without flinching–are usually
      expected to do so–but it's not socially acceptable to consume blood,
      urine, vomit, whatever.”

      Uh, is it because these are radically different (chemically speaking) emissions? Cum isn't a waste-product.  Q: What makes a waste-product a waste-product? A:  The Body considers it toxic and wants it off the premises ASAP.  Q: What is a person who consumes considerable quantities of WASTE PRODUCT from the bodies of others? A: 1. Whore 2. Nut 3. Idiot

      • Abby

        Well, you're super judgemental. Maybe that person would be a little nuts,  but it's going a little far to call them a whore. Blood isn't a waste product (I don't think, anyway–I'm not a science person). Urine is also 95% water and sterile. I'm not saying I'd ever consume either of those; I just think it's an interesting societal standard.

      • Briana



      • STaugustine

        Hey, learn to read and we can “debate” the point.  First off, I listed “whore” as one of three possible answers to the final question I posed (and I believe there's textual material in the original post to support this thesis). 

        Second:  where do I refer to blood as a “waste-product”? I was merely pointing out that cum is *not* a waste-product… as opposed to the other substances on her list of “Excretions to Ingest if You're Like Really Non-Judgmental About Excretions And Stuff” which are, in fact, human waste-products. Ooops, wait, you conveniently left “Diarrhea”  off the list!

        Bottoms up…!

      • STaugustine

        Ooops, sorry Briana, I meant to “reply” to Abby here

  • AJ

    I'm all for being open minded but this was just disgusting…

  • lsla5511
  • Andee Nero

    Has thought catalog completely gone down the toilet this week?

  • osi.nnenna


  • wannagetfuckedrealhard

    ew! demmet thoughtcatalog

  • Heather Mulkey

    grotesquely fantastic! havent felt some of those facial expressions in a while :D love the romance between alienation and relation between all parties involved- in and out of the piece

  • Alabammawhitman

    its silly how excited i am that slutevers writing for tc i almost gave up on this site

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