This Is How I Choose To Love You

João Silas
João Silas

Before you, I have pushed away a myriad of men for reasons quite unexplainable. I confined myself to imaginary boundaries that I thought were built to protect me. I thought these boundaries would keep my from harm. I thought that if I avoided dates, kept things casual, and flirted just enough (while keeping myself from falling), I would be okay. If I didnít cross any lines, my life would be just fine. Before you, I was afraid to fall.

But all of that changed when you came. There was something that made me feel drawn unto you, something I can’t quite explain. It must have been your sleepy eyes, or your warm smile or probably your strong and inviting personality.

In the midst of the exchange of stories and song lyrics, I was suddenly tiptoeing towards the line that I have actively avoided so many times before. Before you, I was so afraid to fall. But now because of you, I am ready. I am no longer afraid. I can bravely say that I have fallen.

You keep on asking me why I chose to love you, of all people, when I could fall in love with somebody else. As talkative as I may be, when it comes to you, I am always speechless; So bear with me as I try to explain why I fell in love with you. I fell in love with you because with you, everything seems to come naturally. I don’t feel the need to try to impress you, because you accept me for who I already am. You are willing to love me for who I am, not for who I was nor for who I might become.

You are willing to support me and guide me through every decision that I make. You show this by understanding why I need to pull off all-nighters, by relentlessly listening to all of my repetitive rants, by enduring my crankiness, and by comforting me when I let my thoughts eat my alive. You constantly reassure me that everything will be alright soon, that everything will be worth it in the end. You accept my quirks and even find them cute (although I find them really annoying). You choose to love me not only despite of my flaws, but also because of them.

You love me for me, and I hope you know that I love you for who you are.

I will love you and all that you come with – your fears, your hopes, your past, your insecurities, your evils, and all the other parts of you that you are afraid to show other people. The parts of you that are tender and need to be handled with care. You need not be scared to introduce me to your monsters, I will try to tame them and fight them with you. We will fight them together. You can show me your scars, I will not be afraid of them.
I have heard this so many times before but I’ve only started to understand it now that I have you – love is all about choice, much like everything else in life.

And my love, I choose to love you. Always, despite everything. I will choose to love you. TC mark

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