Say that again.
I deserve to heal.
I deserve to recover from every pain and trauma in every aspect of my life. I deserve to heal in ways other than simply accepting, forgiving, and forgetting.
There are people that tell you to just keep moving on. To just continue your normal routine, even when your mind has been beaten up by failures and fear and even when your heart has already been writhing in agony. They just casually say, It’s okay, forget about it. It’s okay, you’ll get by. This too shall pass.
Well, it doesn’t always work that way. Healing isn’t simply knowing that you have a wound, covering it with Band-Aid, and just pretending it’s not there. Healing starts from acknowledging that you’re hurt, knowing the main root of what hurt you, and figuring out the best cure you can use. Remember that one cure doesn’t work on everyone, so what works on others may not work on you and vice versa. You don’t have to push yourself to do what people tell you.
It’s easy for them to say you just need to accept and forget, but if it only ends up tormenting you more, then don’t push yourself to do so. That’s not the healing you deserve, because that is not the right way of healing. If you feel angry, if you feel like you can’t just easily forget the painful experience, then let your real emotions take over. Because when you deeply feel your emotions, you gradually release them, and they will just vanish, no matter how much time they take. Then you will naturally seek healing.
Oftentimes, you experience it in serendipity. It comes in different forms and sizes, and our heart knows which will work for sure. For example, your kind of healing may be found on burning bridges, leaving a big space between you and the people who used to surround you. It may be found in travelling to a totally different place with a totally different culture. It may also be found in binge-watching while satiating yourself with your comfort food, in spiritual reconnection, or simply in crying all day while wondering when you will have everything figured out. There are various ways from which your heart can choose. Whatever suits it, do it. Listen to it. Feel the emotions it spreads throughout your body and don’t try to restrain them.
One day, you will find yourself starting to get back on track with a tougher, braver, wiser heart. You will have the initiative to forgive yourself and those who hurt you and to leave all the bad memories behind. Yes, starting anew will occur naturally. You just have to give yourself ample amount of time. And that, my dear, is the healing you deserve. The healing that’s not forced nor dictated. The healing that doesn’t take your heart for granted.
So again, tell yourself this: I deserve to heal.