You’ve heard this manifold. You’ve read it everywhere. And I bet you’ve been advised to live by this cliché. But it’s sickening. It doesn’t seem worthy. They just don’t understand. They can’t understand. They were not in your place to tell you ‘just do it.’ They don’t feel your pain, or go through your struggles. They don’t know how much it takes. They don’t know how much it hurts to be aggravated by a random person or the one you love the most. By the person you least expect to cause you emotional damage. So you feel like they don’t really deserve to be forgiven, and their ill actions be forgotten.
But you deserve to be free.
You deserve to be unshackled from bitterness. You deserve to be free of anger. To be emancipated from that excruciating grudge that you bear every single day. You deserve a sound sleep. A sleep that doesn’t result from anxiety and exhaustion. A sleep accompanied by a wonderful smile on your countenance. You deserve peace.
I know it’s really difficult to just pardon an offense especially if it has torn your heart asunder that it manifests on your life. I know it’s consumed your motivation and ruined your trust towards other people. It’s made you afraid of building relationships. I know it’s invoking the desire for vengeance. But you have to remember that holding grudge doesn’t really help you retaliate. It doesn’t really punish the person who hurt you. You know who’s just suffering? You, my dear.
So sometimes, you need to forgive.
You need to forgive even if they’re not sorry. Or even if they’re unaware that they’ve caused aggravation. You need to forgive no matter how grave it is. I know it’s not an easy thing to do, but I promise you it will heal your heart as how you let a wound heal by removing the bandage and allowing it to breathe. Please relish the fact that you are created vulnerable to the offense because, hence, you are gifted with the capability to forgive as well. And being able to forgive signifies strength. It doesn’t mean rushing to reconciliation anyway, nor having the initiative to talk to that person. But it means giving them the chance to speak with you. The chance to say they’re really sorry. The chance to make it up to you. It means looking at them in the eye if you bump into them in the hallway because you know it might be the opportunity for both of you to fix everything.
And once you forgive, sometimes you need to also forget.
The scar it would leave may not disappear right away, or even never at all. It may take weeks, months, years to forget especially if it has affected your life enormously. But trust me, you can forget about it. You can choose to not dwell in the past and just look forward to every good thing that will happen. Let it go and focus on the good things that the right people do to and for you. Focus on the people who have truly loved you and not on the person who hurt you. Don’t deprive yourself of love. Let it wash all the dark memories away. Let it purify your thoughts. Don’t let it make you a cynic. Let it make you empathetic. Someone who understands the more because you know how it feels to be hurt, and you know how to handle such situation.
Forgiving and forgetting is not a stupid decision. It’s rather a healthy decision because you know it’s for your mental and even physical health. Forget the past, but bring the lessons you’ve learned along with you in the present and the future. Yes, it takes a ton of wisdom. A consistent prayer. A determined heart.
The need to forgive and forget is not really for the benefit of the person who has offended you. It’s for you. Take it as a challenge. Take it as something that will make you a stronger, wiser, and more loving individual.
Life still has so many wonderful things to show you. Please don’t miss it by focusing merely on the pain and the past.