More than words, there are simple, yet conspicuous ways to show you’re longing for me.
I’m sorry if I’d sound too demanding, but it’s just that your I miss you messages are starting to seem perfunctory. They’ve lacked the sincerity and it makes me feel like you don’t really want to see me. So now here I am, tired of being the first one to express longing. Tired of calling you in bits of time as on my mere coffee breaks. Tired of video-calling you every night before I sleep only to feel you’re not that excited.
I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of exerting all the efforts to prove that I miss you. Not because of the effort itself, but because you had me wondering if you really feel the same way too.
I was trying so hard to prove that I want your presence, until people told me I already looked so desperate. Too unnecessarily clingy. They told me to wake up and see how I’ve been badly chasing when I wasn’t supposed to be. When it wasn’t supposed to be only me. I tried not to listen and just attributed it to love. I just love him, what’s wrong with that? I would always defend. But now I’m awakened. I’ve been resuscitated to reality.
You’re supposed to do things, too. Make it obvious. Make me feel it. Prove you’re really longing for me. Text me more often. Call me even on wee hours. Eagerly ask how my day went. Go to our favorite coffee shop on your place to feel like we’re together. Think of alternatives if we can’t see each other. Send me throwback pictures of ours to let me know you’ve been browsing through our memories together.
Tell me you can’t wait to see me again. Tell me you can’t wait to spend your whole life with me. To grow old with me. Tell me, at least, that you’re preparing a home where we can finally be inseparable. These things, they would mean so much to me.
Distance can’t make or break us. It’s us. It’s us who has the power. Who takes on the steering wheel. It’s us who can determine the triumph or loss of these besetting external forces, and I’d always love to prove they can never break us. But then I realized I was focusing too much on the raging sea when there was an insidious hole on the ship itself.
I swear I always try to understand you. You might be busy, or I might be the one busy that’s why you don’t attempt to bother me. But please, I know the difference between an excuse and a logical, acceptable reason.
Call me demanding. But what I’m asking from you is just based on how I consider my worth, and it determines how you can man up. What I’m asking from you should actually be natural to you. Because proving something as missing me shows how much you love me.
And if this has been too much for you, go ahead and don’t give me false hopes anymore. Go ahead and tell it straight to my face. If you no longer feel the same way towards me, if you no longer love me, tell it to me now. Directly.
Because I’d rather be stabbed with the truth than caressed with a lie.
I just want to feel that you really miss me, because I’m scared of not being aware that the person who promised me of true love has already given up.
I just want to feel that you really miss me, to make sure that no one has taken my place in your life yet.
Because if someone has, then I should stop keeping you in my life was well.