I’ve been mentally and emotionally bruised by judgments I hear over and over again. I’ve been grilled too much in misunderstanding and expectations. So although I don’t really owe you an explanation for this, and I’m really trying my best to ignore all the unhelpful comments you utter against me, I’m going to make it clear to you now.
I’m going to open this up not to get rid of criticisms (because that’s quite impossible) but to galvanize necessary realizations in your mind as well. I label them necessary because maybe you’ve been missing on these actually great things you think I’m wasting my time on. Great things you might not be aware of. Great things that run wildly in my mind while you find me acting like shit. And I know this is how you think of me:
She was wasting the years where she’s supposed to build a stable career. She was just playing around. She was too weak to persevere and just decided to take and leave jobs on a whim. Damn, she got lots of excuses. She was immature. She was not considering her family. She was selfish. Proud. Over-confident. Pathetic.
All these things that I heard from behind, these things that were conveyed by the way you looked at me, are the same things I initially felt for myself. But I’m gradually learning I was doing it for significant reasons. I was doing it because I strongly feel it’s the fulfillment of what I’m created for.
I realized I’ve just become a veritable force in pursuit of dreams. Dreams that come from my own heart. Dreams that make me do more radical things. So I aim to put them into reality, risking it all. Because I’d rather ditch practicality than waste the possibility of concretizing my vivid reveries.
I’d rather sacrifice every benefit a “stable” job can give than miss on what makes me really happy—than miss on the chances of thriving on the grounds of my real passion. It is possible. It is possible for everyone. And please don’t be sad for what seems to be happening to me. This is a process. I’m in a process. Be rather sad for the fact that majority of the people nowadays hustle in the name of bills and luxury so they overlook greater experiences. Be sad for the fact that they would allow themselves to be jailed in something that won’t allow them to grow, something that prevents them from having an impact to the world as they do what they love to do.
Yes, your loyalty to a job is rewarding. Yes, your perseverance in that shifting schedule will definitely pay off. Yes, your overtime tasks might result to promotion. And yes, you’re doing it all because you have great goals as I do. But questions are: are you happy doing them? Do you love doing them? And while you do them, don’t you miss out on spending quality time with yourself and loved ones? With your passion? Sometimes you have to weigh things. Sometimes you have to be wise enough to know if what you’ll reap in the future will be really more valuable than now.
There is always a path that leads to a better career life where you don’t have to be a slave. There is always that one job where you’ll really find genuine happiness. Where you won’t sacrifice both self-love and your love for others. A job that wouldn’t hinder you to develop and would even magnify your flair. A job that is an embodiment of who you are.
And that’s what I am after. That’s what my heart tells me to do. To keep on finding it. And I won’t stop till I get it. Even if you judge me on being an inveterate job seeker, you won’t be able to stop me. I won’t allow myself to be instilled with your sad principles. I am a f*cking rebel indeed. I can’t be tamed. But someday you’ll know why I’m doing all this. Someday you’ll realize it’s all worth it.
You’ll realize I was just someone determined enough to concretize her wild, splendid dreams. How about you?
Do you even have dreams?