1. Get over that past relationship.
Because how can you even let someone new enter your life when you haven’t allowed yourself to fully heal from the pain of the past? That would be unfair for the one you really deserve. And that would just hurt you more. You won’t enjoy the gift of being freshly in love again. You won’t enjoy the gift of forgiveness and hope. You won’t experience true love in its fierce awakening. If you still think of your ex remorsefully or lividly, then perhaps you haven’t emancipated yourself yet. But it’s a necessity to move on no matter how long it has taken after you broke up. And it’s only you who holds the key to unshackle yourself from the past. Your healing—it’s just a decision away.
2. Make sure you have already built a strong sense of independence.
Make sure that you have completed yourself only with yourself before you let someone in. Make sure you have learned to stand on your own with strengthened knees that will remain firm amidst wobbling situations. Your independence should’ve taught you that being alone is inevitable, but fun. And important. Being alone is something to cherish because it makes you appreciate both yourself and others’ presence. So by the time your heart welcomes someone again, you can expect that it will hurt less if it still won’t work out.
3. Learn about the different love languages.
This time you have to be more open-minded and understand that every person has a different love language. Every person is gifted with a unique expression of love. Well, maybe not literally unusual, but certainly, it would be different from yours. It doesn’t need to entail settling for something less or being shortchanged by how simple or inconspicuous they express their feelings. But you just need to look deeper into things. It’s something to practice. It’s a wisdom. It’s a skill to discern if the person has a certain love language or if they are not expressing any love at all.
4. Be willing to take risks.
Especially if you have past relationships. Especially if you’ve been hurt manifold. To get the love you deserve, you have to take the risk of experiencing pain again. You have to take the risk of uncertainty. We work for what we deserve. And even if it’s already our forever person, the idea of imperfection will always prove itself. It just depends on us if we’re going to allow our love to remain tough. Challenges will in fact be greater for true love because it’s a damn attractant for external forces. So just be willing to take those risks. Remember, the stronger you become, the better you deserve.
5. Practice the art of unconditional love.
Because it’s the truest love. But you have to make sure you are aware of its real definition. It’s the unconditional love that doesn’t make you blind. It instead opens your eyes to see the minutest flaws that person could bear and then it gives you the discretion on how to handle it the best way. Will you just condone it? Or will you communicate with them about it? (Tough) Unconditional love is one great savior of relationships. It should be a thing now. And you practice it not just romantically but also socially, and individually.
6. Balance each other’s worth.
Often as we fall in love our sense of self-worth ebbs away because we put the person’s sake ahead of ours. Or worse, we take too much from the relationship that our worth becomes pride. There should be balance. So once you are willing to open your heart again, keep your worth aligned with your love for each other. Don’t be afraid to instill it in them. And look after their worth as well. That’s the kind of love you deserve—the love where you also give and not just take. Because giving is an expression, and it’s emotionally healthy to express you know?
7. Ready yourself to be a partner.
By this I mean you have to be empathetic and vulnerable. You have to share every comfort and struggle. This signifies you are finally ready to welcome the love you deserve because it means you have finally surmounted mistrust and insecurity that the past had caused you. You are now willing to correlate the happenings of your life with someone because you both know it will make the bond stronger. The stronger you build your trust for each other, the fonder your love grows. Being partners is not just living together under the same roof, not dating exclusively, not having mutual feelings. Being partners means you’re communicating and being there for each other during ups and downs. It means you both apply your learnings from the past to build better relationship.
8. Consider romantic love as a life bonus and not a necessity.
This time you will let love in not because you feel like you need it, but because it’s knocking right on your door. It’s offering itself to you now because it knows you can be happy in being single. And you won’t completely depend your joy on it. You won’t lose yourself to it. You have matured enough to know that romantic relationship may be every human’s goal to build a family, but it’s not going to be a standard for a person to be whole. A whole person knows that any form of love they receive can already serve as a fuel for them to live a happy life. And one most important form is self-love.
9. Realize that this is also an act of self-love.
Kill that pride and allow yourself to be loved again. Don’t deprive yourself of the love you deserve. You may have learned to be independent, but that doesn’t mean you have to close your doors. You have learned, and therefore, you finally have to love anew. You are stronger now. Wiser. And I’m sure this time you will sense if this is what you really want and deserve. So just go ahead, and let it in. Give it a try. Let your heart feel like a child again. Let those butterflies play in your stomach. It’s always pleasing to be in love.
10. Be thankful.
Instead of pushing it away, be thankful that love still knocks on your door. Be thankful because it’s not really love that has hurt you or traumatized you in the past. (It’s the person.) Be thankful because you have learned so much in loving. And be thankful because you have known what you really deserve. And now is the time to let it in. It’s the romantic love you deserve that comes after you have become complete and loved yourself right. This is the reward to be thankful for. The reward for being strong and choosing to stand again to continue living your life on your own. This is the embodiment of that little hope in your heart that whispers ‘love again.’