10 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone An Explanation For

Portrait of a woman with black hair at Bethune Cookman University
William Stitt / Unsplash

1. The Pain You Feel

Whenever you feel pain, it’s real. You’re really hurt. Acknowledge it. Feel it. You don’t need to ask people to confirm that you’re hurting and not dramatizing. You don’t need to ask them if the cause of your pain is really something hurtful or you’re just too sensitive. You don’t need to hear their comments telling that you’re just overreacting. Pain is pain no matter how small or big its source is. No need for validation because you are created with your own senses. And no other person can deal with it and completely cure it but you.

2. Your Dreams

Your dreams may be too colossal or too shallow for others, but they are not made for validations. No one can ever dissuade you whether it’s your mom, best friend or partner. You don’t need to have everyone gaping in awe of your achievements, because dreaming big doesn’t mean you’re literally dreaming about something that’s potentially viral or remarkable. It means you’re putting your passion into action, making it fruitful whether people can appreciate it or not. It means going against the odds. People may praise or belittle your dreams, but it will never matter. What matters most is that you’re aiming for something that will make you truly happy and make your life worthwhile.

3. Your Abilities

If you have that flair for writing, knack for music, skills in the technical or cyber world, or whatever abilities you are gifted with, there is no doubt they’re incredible. And there is no doubt you are gifted. Every person is. You don’t need to prove you’re great at doing these things. Show them you can. But you don’t need to convince them that you have it. You don’t need their standards or their criticisms that tell if you’re doing it good or awfully. Losing at a contest or not being recognized can never dent that greatness you have. Your passion is enough and it’s given to serve a purpose alongside your existence. And, you never know there may be people who silently appreciate your works or service. You never know how much you’ve helped a person through what you passionately do. Your abilities do not need validations because the most important thing is you enjoy using them. And someday you’ll reap their fruits. You’ll discover their wonderful purpose.

4. The Decisions You Make

It’s your life and every aspect of it needs your very own decision because no one else will be accountable in the end. If you want to move out from your parents’ house, then go. If you want to shift your course from science to arts, then do it. If you don’t want to marry the person your family wants you to marry then tell them no. They may find you a rebel or selfish, but hey, that breath your breathing doesn’t come from them. Even God gives you the free will. And yes, there may be consequences but it’s better to regret your own decisions than blaming others for dictating on you. Let your own decisions teach you, for you’ll just be surprised it’s taken you to where you are meant to be. It’s always better to be decisive than passive. Ask God for wisdom.

5. The Love You Feel For Someone

If it’s real, you don’t need to have your friends validate it because you’ll know it yourself. You won’t even have second thoughts. Come on, we all know if we just feel lust or we really are in love. You’ll know if that someone is the one. You’ll know if that person is the one you want to be as your forever. We may have different ways of expressing (or inhibiting) our feelings but we are all created with a strong instinct for love. Sometimes it ends up great, sometimes not. But one thing is for sure: the only one who can validate if we feel true love is our own selves. Our hearts.

6. Every Exhaustion, Sadness, or Stagnation You Encounter

Some people will say you just want to excuse yourself from the world. You are just lazy to move or you just crave too much comfort. Some people will tell you to stop being too weak or too lousy in life. But that’s because they never know what’s inside you. That ennui that hinders you from getting up in the morning is just similar to pain. You feel it, then it’s real. Denying it won’t heal your listlessness. It just exacerbates the situation. Stop listening to people who suggest not to entertain what you feel or not to believe in it. You have to face it and determine the cause. Perhaps you want to exit from a relationship. Perhaps you no longer find the place you live in as home. Perhaps you’ve had various jobs but you still don’t know what could satisfy you; or, you know it very well but you just can’t pursue it because you don’t want to displease the people around you. Perhaps you just can’t figure it all out yet. But you have to acknowledge that you’ve just been exhausted. Then rest. Take time to ponder. Don’t listen to those who know nothing about empathy. Let healing flow. And then find genuine bliss.

7. The Principles You Live By

People may find your principles annoying or illogical, and you may find theirs the same way. That’s okay. We are all different. We live in a universe teeming with various beliefs and humanity has myriad of personalities; therefore, we have to find what belief suits our individuality. As long as your principles make you happy and lead you to what you want in life then you just have to make it work. But you don’t need to change them for others. You don’t need to change them just because they want to instill in you their own principles. Live by something that’s comfortable enough for you to enjoy but challenging as well for you to thrive.

8. Your Style

Maybe you’re that simple shirt-leggings-flats girl. Or a collared shirt-shorts-sneakers man. Or maybe you’re dressed up everyday as if you’re always going to a party or a special occasion. No matter how you dress yourself, you don’t really need any standards for it to be called fine. Your style is best when it gives you comfort and expresses who you are. You don’t become better when you dress up or change your style according to what pleases others. You become better when you learn to accept that you don’t have to attract or amaze them. Of course if you want to change, go ahead. Just don’t do it for the sake of others or if it’s not really comfortable for you. Transformation is good, but being you is much better. No beauty needs validation.

9. The Efforts You Exert To Flourish

No effort is too little. Never compare yourself to others so you don’t give that effort a size. You’ll just end up envious and lowering your self-esteem. Just because your batchmates have enrolled in a graduate school doesn’t mean your decision to self-study at home is facile and inefficient. Or your best friend buying a car while you’re buying a laptop doesn’t signify you didn’t work hard enough. What matters is that you did something for you to improve your life or achieve things. It’s gradual. And every bit has its essence. However you define success, any step you make to achieve is vital and it raises the bar of your capabilities which you should be proud of.

10. Your worth

Is this even supposed to be an issue still? Every human has their worth. No matter who they are or what their status in life is. Regardless what gender or preferred gender, race, age, job, etc., anyone’s worth needs not to be validated. We have to always take care of it. To prioritize it. To love it. It’s all equal. No need to explain further about this, because a person who doesn’t know that the people they coexist with have their own worth to respect is no human at all. TC mark

An insouciant soul, believer of joy in a mad world.

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