You were her most favorite person, the apple of her eye. Her forever. The prized possession she raises with both arms to show everyone. You were her world.
But there she is.
Lying weakly in bed. In fetal position because of the pain all over. You left her miserable. You left her with no notice—caught off guard by your selfish decision.
No matter what made you leave, she deserves the honest truth. You don’t need to understate your cruel reasons or sugarcoat them with you-deserve-someone-better excuses though in fact she does. You need to tell her everything you’ve felt. Everything that made you blind. Why were you so afraid? She will still try to understand your weaknesses.
You never know how much you mean to her, even if you try to recall every effort she has exerted to express her love. Because that love, the love you took for granted, was just so vast and blameless. Immeasurable. Pure. Her loyalty, her gratefulness, her clinginess, her sweetness, her weakness—they may be cloying and disgusting at times, but it’s never a valid reason to leave.
She is one of kind.
And maybe that’s what pushed you away. Maybe you felt little with her greatness—her tantalizing beauty inside and out. The one that everyone’s chasing after. Yet you know she isn’t aware of that. She doesn’t see her own worth because she was too focused on you. And so before she even realizes how much her worth is, you seized the chance to leave. Before she gives love to her own self, you exhausted them all. And perhaps you’re passing them on to someone else instead of giving them back to her. I just hope that that someone else is really better than her, because you could be throwing a gold to pick up a stone. She is a loss. A big loss.
And losing you will be her triumphant winning.
The day will come where she will rise up from that unkempt bed. She will comb her hair and wipe her tears. She will wear that bold lipstick she’s been preserving. She will not mind the gloom the day you left has brought but she will dance under those dark clouds, waiting for her sun to shine. Because it’s the time she’ll realize that losing you is that wide-open door to a better life. That her pain will turn out into courage. That your leaving is her glorious arising. And the cracks you left on her life will soon serve as pavements to someone who will commit with her. Someone who can requite her love. Someone better than you. Now how lucky that guy is? He’ll have her in the version 2.0.
She was everything you could ask for, but I’m sorry to break this to you, she is not meant for you.