Since I was a child I know I‘m not the type of a head-turner. I’ve been blessed with a plump physique and yes, I’m used to being ridiculed and made fun of. There has barely been a day when nobody has given remarks pertinent to my size but I’ve inured myself to it. It’s anyway not all negative like if my mom would remind me to lose weight, it’s because she doesn’t want me to suffer in the future. However, sometimes I ask, why can’t I just be like other people who eat a lot but never get big? Why was I not born with perfectly proportioned body? Let’s be honest, we don’t want to vilipend our uniqueness but damn, the world will always remind you that there are ideals. Ideals that admonish people—especially the youth—to aim for physical attractiveness, to worship it, and to sink in resent for not having it. Well to aim for it is not bad especially if your motivation is health driven.
I have tried engaging myself in various sports and exercise, going to the gym regularly, as well as taking different slimming products and doing diets that I’ve read from different articles. Of course they have helped but I was not that persistent (may bad, I know). Call me impatient but I couldn’t wait for a conspicuous change of appearance until the motivation got quenched. Indeed, the blame should fall on me. I was too lazy because I was not enjoying doing such activities anymore. They became arduous for me. Why? Because I was driven by the wrong motive: envy. It instilled pressure that led to disappointments as I hardly saw change.
In desistance of my pursuit, I have incrementally built up a different kind of confidence: the plus size confidence that everyone should have—everyone, because this confidence means embracing their imperfections. You can also achieve it by considering these 4 steps:
1. Welcome the insidious invasion of insecurity
Yes, you read it right. Welcome it. Every human being must feel it. Insecurity may be looking down on yourself but you see, it entails humility. It’s only you who knows about it, anyway. After you acknowledge it, decipher where it comes from. Perhaps, it comes from seeing the pleasant things and attributes other people have but you don’t. Well, we plus size lovelies are obviously insecure about the body where our soul lives in because this narcissist world keeps on telling us “You can’t be like her! She is slim that’s why a lot of guys try to pursue her!” or “That pretty dress won’t fit you! You’re too big!” It hurts, right? But once you admit you’re insecure, that’s good. Welcome it, and then pause.
2. Turn that insecurity into your own vitality, not envy nor self-pity
As you pause, choose the right way where insecurity should lead. I remember when I was invited by some friends to go hiking with them but I refused because I knew I wasn’t fit enough for such activity. Due to my weight, I was afraid that if I join them, I might faint, have asthma attack, feel numb and whatnot. Deep within me, I could feel self-pity and envy creeping through. I hated myself. I hated those people who were able to do things easily. We all have those tendencies; but we shouldn’t follow through and act on it. Instead, turn to where it motivates us to SOLVE our problems, and to SEE what we are blessed with. Do you want to achieve things? Work on it without competing with others but yourself—your own limitations. Raise your bar. What are you good at? Nourish it. Make use of it. So you know to yourself that even if you lack things, you are also replete with various talents and skills other people might not have. Understand that we are all different. Don’t look down on yourself just because you thought you are not one of the ideals. Create a life full of vitality by focusing on solving the problems and using your resources.
3. Remind yourself of the cliché that true beauty is not skin deep, it’s soul deep
I believe you’re tired of hearing this. Even I can’t convince myself of the idea. If beauty is found within, then why am I often treated like I don’t deserve respect and appreciation? Why do men root more for physical beauty? I’ve had obsession on cosmetics because I learned it gives me hope. I mean a pretty face can overshadow a chubby body, can’t it? I still love doing makeup and indubitably, it added to my confidence. It’s also fun! But we have to put true beauty in the center—true beauty that radiates from the inside. Think about the days when you’ve made others happy. When you forget about yourself because you focus on your loved ones. You see, the best makeup is yourself. It’s not about pleasing them, but helping them. Judgments will never matter if you have a good heart.
4. Discover the purpose of your imperfection and make it your inspiration
Have you ever wondered why God did not create us perfect? Even the most beautiful queens possess flaws. Well, it’s not created just for it to exist or to prove our humanity—it’s created with a purpose. Whether you have a short height, a frizzy hair, a very thin physique, or if you have this bad impression on the people around you because of your attitude, there’s a reason behind. Ask God. Ask about how you can convert those imperfections into blessings. Could it be mended? Or should it even be? Contemplate. One sure thing that your imperfection can do is that, it can always make you a better person. It can gradually lead you to the zenith of life.