Hey you, you millennial, please listen up. Especially if you are a female in 2016 and have been reduced to a dramatized heroine waiting for a man to make her story complete. Please just stop. I have had it with romantic love comedies making women seem like we have no other objective in life than to find our other half.
I’m 25 and I’m married. I am really lucky to say I have found my best friend in my partner. I also was never looking for a relationship in my early twenties – it just sort of happened. I also learned that my own goals, independence, and interests create a bigger value to my life than just my relationship alone. I never looked at my life as incomplete without a partner.
Love is great and beautiful but it’s not everything, no one will save you or make you whole like they do in the movies. Love is a part of life, just like there are other parts of life that are also great.
The reason I feel so strongly about this topic is how females perceive love. If you are a woman and you have girlfriends, what do they usually talk about? Men. Now, nothing wrong with sharing your feelings but most women consume their conversation, and lives, with the men they are dating. Every conversation, every action, is plagued by his reaction. Women are much more emotional and their lives revolve around this cycle: dating, marriage, kids – typically in that order. Yes, there are women who are exceptions, but it’s rare.
I have girlfriends who map out their lives by the men they date, patiently waiting till HE asks her to be his girlfriend, till He proposes, and so on. They change and cancel plans, rewrite their life goals, and keep other girlfriends around to basically bitch about their relationship. These women become shells of who they used to be, reduced to a counterpart. I have been around plenty of women who really can’t foster any other conversation than the updates of their relationship and it breaks my heart. I remember asking a friend of mine plans she had for the night, her response was – “Oh, Kyle is working.” I was very genuinely confused.
Love is not a reason to lose yourself or your independence.
Here are other great things that matter other than being in love –
1. Having a strong group of friends. When was the last time you did an inventory of your friendships? Do they have characteristics you admire? Do you have deep thought provoking conversations? “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” – Walter Winchell.
2. Your health. do you value yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually? What do you do to meet these goals?
3. Interests and hobbies. I genuinely love to read and I’m blessed to have friends to discuss my recent books with and nerd out. What do you like to do? Explore different hobbies that make you smile and define you.
4. Passion. this can be your career, a self-project you are working on. I think life is dull without having something that pushes you like you have never been pushed.
5. Giving back. If you are in a position to give back, do it! I strongly encourage this one. I recently signed up to mentor and offer classes to foster kids and couldn’t be happier. Don’t underestimate how your life story and skills could change someone else’s life.
6. Adventure. Find the funds and explore the world. Learn a new language, try different food, and ponder your existential existence. Life is not an “Eat, Pray, Love” novel, your existence has so many beautiful elements.
7. Family. I didn’t mean to put this last on the list.
While there are millions of other things, here are my top 7. Pay attention next time you are having brunch with your girlfriends, and push yourself to strike up a different conversation.
Remember – you are your greatest story and investment in this life, and everything you do to make this world a better place for yourself and the people in it.