7 Things To Remember When You're Obsessing Over Someone Who Isn't Obsessed With You
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7 Things To Remember When You’re Obsessing Over Someone Who Isn’t Obsessed With You

1. First and foremost, limerence is about YOU not THEM. We idealize because we are lacking something within ourselves. Whether that be certain characteristics in them that we are envious of or loneliness that kills us from the inside out, limerence is a reflection of what’s missing on the inside. Once you realize that, you can fill in those voids without putting another person on a pedestal.

2. Giving into your fantasizes is only going to make matters worse. I guarantee you will go down the rabbit hole every time you indulge in these perfect fantasizes. I KNOW it’s hard to stop yourself but you have to snap back into reality whenever you feel yourself slipping. Make sure to be as realistic as possible about the situation. Tell yourself that they won’t be with you in the long run. It’s hard to do when our minds want to make us happy with what if’s, but use that smart brain of yours! Emotions are great but in times of crisis, it can really cloud our judgment. So use your logic.

3. Yes, you are desperate. Yes, you are needy. And yes, that’s okay. When it comes to limerence I noticed that many people are afraid to face the underlying issues related to it. Ask yourself, why are you so desperate for this person? What does it say about yourself? And then fix it. Or try to. Or keep it in mind. Really break it down and be honest about your situation. Do you actually love them or the idea of them? What about their flaws? There must be a reason why you two are not together after all.

4. Limerence is just a way to escape ourselves and fall in love with someone who isn’t us. Limerence is an easy way to focus all your energy into another person and admire, admire, admire. The next time you catch yourself rambling about how great so & so is.. remind yourself that so are you!

5. Think about the last time someone you didn’t have feelings for had feelings for you. You simply did not feel the same way, right? No matter how that person acted, the chemistry was not there. That’s probably how your person feels about you too. It doesn’t mean you’re not great, just not compatible. People tend to blame themselves when feelings are not reciprocated but chances are, you’re just not their type. But you are somebody else’s. Remember that.

6. The best things in life come when we least expect it. The second we let go, life has a mysterious way of bringing in something/someone even better. Let that be motivation to take the steps to move on.

7. It’s impossible to be heartbroken forever. The feelings will either fade or completely stop at some point. It might take months or even years, but it WILL happen. Look forward to that wonderful day!

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https://medium.com/@karinsoojinncho Read more articles from Karin on Thought Catalog.