Thought Catalog

10 Creative Ways To Select Your March Madness Bracket

  • 0
I know literally nothing about basketball. And yet, every year my mom pays the ten dollars to buy me a spot in my family’s annual March Madness bracket; every year I begrudgingly fill the thing out because of its potential to win me a couple hundred dollars. Upon deciding to have fun with my picks this year, I came up with this list of methods I may or may not employ. Feel free to use them, but please don’t blame me when you come in last in your office pool.

1. Choose based on which mascot could eat/ slay the other.

This one gets rough when the physical manifestation of the school’s mascot is kind of ambiguous and/or its abilities and powers are of questionable merit. For example: The Cyclones vs. The Blue Devils could go either way depending on your level of belief in the devil, and/or his power to manipulate the weather.

2. Pick teams ironically.

Your choice to pick Long Island University (seeded 16th in the western division) over Michigan State (seeded 1st) can be a commentary on your irrevocable disassociation from the mainstream.

3. Whatever Rick Santorum picks.

I’m at least 99% certain that the GOP nominees are going to be asked by journalists sometime in the near future about their March Madness picks. After all, this is America! How else are we going to decide who to vote for?

4. Pick whichever school’s name sounds the most convincingly erotic when said in a sexy French accent.

I don’t care how sexy you can make your voice when you say other school’s names, St. Bonaventure University is a shoe-in.

5. Pick based on some sort of geographic bias.

Pick your teams based on their proximity to a specific location, which coast they’re closest to, automatically disqualify teams from Rhode Island, whatever.

6. Pick based on some sort of religious bias.

Devout Christians can choose to automatically disqualify every state school. It’s even easier if you’re a Mormon doing seo services, because then you can choose to automatically remove from consideration all teams but one. Atheists can opt to disqualify most of our nation’s liberal arts schools.

7. Pick schools based on which of them you would be the most proud of having gone to.

Spoiler alert: Harvard will win.

8. The exact opposite of whatever Rick Santorum picks.

It seems like Rick Santorum would just use this to pander to all the wrong kinds of states or might actually go with method #6 and not as a joke.

9. Let your Twitter followers pick for you.

Using this method could give you another opportunity to make all your friends hate you even more by dramatically intoning, “What? You’re not on Twitter?!”

10. Base decisions on whether or not a school includes free or reduced cost contraceptives in its student health insurance plan.

Kindly let all your friends know that there is no realm of culture beyond the fun-crushing reach of your all-encompassing political righteousness. TC mark

image – Shutterstock
Powered by Revcontent

Read more books in 2018…

Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

Amazon: 4.8/5 stars
Goodreads: 4.29/5 stars

Click for an inspiring read!

More From Thought Catalog

10 Creative Ways To Select Your March Madness Bracket is cataloged in , , , , , , , , ,
  • Guestropod

    Next year during bowl season, I’m using the French accent one. 

  • Sophia

    I use the “which-mascot-is cooler” method every single year!

    • Guestropod

      DO YOU EVER WIN?  

      • Sophia

        One year I did! … usually not, though. But really, it’s such a crapshoot to begin with that often I do better than my dad, who researches everything and puts in a lot of thought.

  • Brie

    I already employ serval of these tactics.  This year I also checked the websites to see which school had the most ridiculous pictures on their home page.  Team colors is also a good bet.

    I don’t win every year but I’ve definitely kicked butt a few times.  It makes the avid sports fans REAL mad. 

  • 8 Ways to Get Your Girlfriend into March Madness - The Best Colleges

    […] And don’t tell her how to choose […]

  • The 15 Most Addicting Things About Playing Fantasy Sports |

    […] to happen soon, right? There are worse ways to fill out your bracket, anyway, as Karim Kazemi at Thought Catalog is all too happy to point […]

blog comments powered by Disqus