4 Tiny Reminders My Old Self Needs To Hear

woman looks out at windy ocean view
Tim Foster / Unsplash

It wasn’t your fault.  

It wasn’t your mood swings, your weird quirks, your darkest secrets. You didn’t push him away, made him run for his life, demolished love with your own hands. It wasn’t anything you did, or didn’t do, to make you deserve all this pain. So don’t blame yourself.

It’s okay to not be okay right now. 

It’s okay to want to hide under your blankets, to not want to face the world because every place has his face on them. It’s okay to mourn every night until your tear ducts dry out and the only thing that could quench your thirst is alcohol. It’s okay to search for the high, to feel lost. It’s okay, because all this is temporary. All this will eventually end.

You are not broken. 

Your heart may feel like it’s in pieces, but you are still whole. You may feel weak but you are not helpless. You are not a train wreck just because you stumble home drunk with mascara running down your eyes after a night of forgetting. You are beautiful and worth loving. Don’t you ever forget that.

Everything will be okay in time. 

I will come up front to you on this one, no lies and no sugar coating, things will stay hard for a while. There will be days when taking him off your mind is like scrubbing off a tattoo until you’re all bloody yet it still stares at you, mockingly. And there will be nights when breathing is hardest, and you start to think that you might not wake up tomorrow if you close your eyes. But you will get through this. Scarred maybe, but stronger. You will win this battle. You will let love in again one day, and you will be thankful for surviving this. TC mark

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