It’s Okay To Break Up With The Nice Guy

Chad Madden

After dating boys instead of men, women start to look for the guys that are worth spending time on. You start to look for a nice guy, someone who treats you with genuine respect.

Eventually, you unexpectedly find a nice guy. You find a guy that has a solid job. He’s kind and treats you with the utmost respect. He encourages you to the Lord and pushes you to be a better version of yourself. You find a guy that, on paper, meets the “checklist” most women have in their heads. And then you realize the checklist isn’t what you want.

It really is a never-ending battle, figuring out what you want in life and trying to understand the path that has been laid out for you. It’s frustrating, intimidating and exhilarating all at the same time as you are presented with opportunities you didn’t even dream of. You look towards your significant other and realize you aren’t going in the same direction.

You sit back and think, you reflect on the other guys you’ve dated. You contemplate how moving 1,000 miles away for a dream job would affect the relationship you’re in. You recognize the outcome probably wouldn’t be great, and you send your résumé in anyway. It is at that moment, you realize this isn’t a relationship you should be in.

You selfishly wait to tell him about the opportunity, not knowing how to bring it up because you’re scared to have the conversation that needs to happen anyway. You’re a coward because you recognize he’s a great guy and that most women who know him would love to date him.

You get the job. You accept the job and you have two weeks to move. It puts the pressure on you and forces you to have the conversation that ends with two single people. Oddly enough you’re comfortable with it. You realize it’s OK to break up with the nice guy, and remember the reasons why.

1. You should be with someone who has similar goals.

When the conversation required you to truly look at long term goals, you were going in opposite directions. A relationship is all about give and take but in the end—you both deserve to have the opportunity to pursue your dreams. You should be encouraging each other, not resenting each other for feeling held back.

2. Your parents are supportive.

When even your dad is supportive of breaking up with someone who even he admits is “a really nice guy,” you know it’s not the relationship you should be in forever. I once heard there’s a series of relationships you have before you find the one that sticks.

Apparently, there is always one classified as “too nice.” You realize this is probably that situation. Your parents remind you of your long-term goals and encourage you to chase the dream. The dream that lands you 1,000 miles away.

3. You’re not sad about it.

Breakups, according to Hollywood, are supposed to end up with someone crying or yelling. This one was relatively relaxed. Instead of feeling sadness, you felt relief as he walked out of your apartment. You shut the door, turned around and realized it was time to start packing. Literally.

4. You should be with someone who excites you.

Before you assume I mean your life should be a rom-com let me be clear. “Until death do us part,” is not a phrase you should take lightly. It’s a phrase that means you better be ready to go through heck and back together. You better be ready to argue, to forgive, to cry, to laugh and to hold on for dear life. If you’re dating someone because they are a safe choice, great.

But is that actually enough or are you settling because it’s an easy thing to do? If it’s option B, go home, the guy you’re dating deserves better than that. Someone once told me dating isn’t a hard concept. You literally just choose one. Just pick a person, and decide to commit to them. Serve them, honor them and love them for who they are. To some extent, I believe that. I believe that when you commit to someone those are your responsibilities.

But, I also believe that as you continue to grow together there is a dedication to focus on helping each other grow into better people. Pray more. Work harder. Love deeper. Forgive quickly. Laugh often. Life is too short to go at this alone and if you don’t genuinely enjoy doing these things with the person you’re with, well…

5. You probably aren’t the type of “nice” he should be with.

To all the women out there getting upset about this statement: you need a reality check. I’m not telling you, you’re a bad person. I’m not telling you you’re a mean person; I am telling you, you aren’t the right person for him. YOU don’t want to be with him. This wasn’t his decision. It was yours. You don’t get the liberty of making yourself a “victim” here. Instead, you need to take a deep breath, look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that just because he’s a nice guy doesn’t mean he’s the right guy. TC mark

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