My Journey Coping With Infertility

Sergey Zolkin
Sergey Zolkin

Single. Young Professional. Student. Married. Patient. Friend. Sibling. Daughter. Christian. Parent.

Statuses that we disregard each and every day but think of when feeling alone, stressed, proud or nervous, and sentences we hear every day to partner with the statuses. “I don’t think this is going to work” results in eating ice cream, sobbing and a temptation to throw chocolate at a TV. “I’m stressed in my job,” creates bad attitudes and anger towards people who don’t deserve it.

“I just want to graduate,” will have come too soon just a mere 18 months later. “We are best friends,” I pray it stays that way for you both. “Your test results are abnormal,” ends up putting you in denial as you tell yourself this can’t happen to you. “I’m here for you,” appreciated, but doesn’t make the situation easier. Patients become selfish as they try to control a diagnosis. “You just need a hug from someone,” something only a sister knows as she hears you try to push through the tears over the phone, pretending like in that moment, you are ok.

“I’ll love you forever…” reminds you of the time you spent in bed hearing the forever famous children’s book lull you to sleep as you hope to have children some day. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9–a daily reminder that you’re not alone.

“I’m concerned about the regrowth and fear even if you conceive, carrying a child will be difficult,” the line no woman ever wants to hear, the heart breaker.

We carry baby dolls around as toddlers. We play house as children. We pick out names for our future kids. We plan. We prepare. Yet, 11% of the age demographic considered to be in the “reproductive stage bracket” will be told they are infertile. That means 6.7 million women will hear their bodies are incapable of doing the one job they were created for (American Society of Reproductive Medicine)

And yet, when a soon-to-be, 25-year-old, single, confused woman searches the internet for books to read about infertility while single, bloggers that can relate to making the decisions it takes to handle the hormones being pumped into her body each month, or even just an article related to the psychological side effects that take place as these decisions are made alone…options are limited.

Is it because we feel ashamed? Maybe. Is it because it’s embarrassing to talk about? Sometimes. Is hard because our friends can’t always relate? Yes. Could we simply just be terrified and not know how to communicate that? Probably.

The problem with this is that I highly doubt all 6.7 million women struggling to cope with the news, treatments and disappointments are married or in relationships. I highly doubt there is only one person in the U.S that has heard this news.

It’s not ok. And guess what? It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to be mad. It’s ok to feel hurt. You need to hear that, and you need to believe it.

It’s not ok to hide behind closed doors. It’s not ok to be ashamed of the hot flashes those shots give you. It’s not ok to pretend like it’s ok when the people around you are just showing their concern. And it’s not ok that you have deal with this by yourself…and it’s a good thing you’re not.

Everything happens for reason. You are where you’re at for a purpose.

You have skills, passion and love for something that matters and you need to take advantage of those assets to make a difference in the world.

I believe in God. I’m not ashamed of admitting it. I believe He heals and I believe that if you try to serve Him, live for Him, you will be rewarded with the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4 states “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will provide the desires of your heart.”

Does this mean every prayer will be answered immediately? No. Does it mean that every prayer will be answered the way I want it to be? No. But, that prayer is in His plan; He will answer it for you when the time is right. He will help you through this.

Even if there isn’t a man next to you while you’ve got your OBGYN hanging out in places you don’t want anyone hanging out in, you’ve got someone so much greater than the man who can hold your hand and wipe your tears. You’ve got someone that can prove the doctors wrong. You’ve got someone that makes miracles happen every day.

The first step is admitting the problem. I’m not perfect. I’ve struggled with this for months as I’ve experienced my menopause symptoms. I’ve searched for books that focus on infertility for single women and I’ve made the mistake of trusting I can handle the situation myself.

Myself…what does that even stand for? A single, 25-year-old, young professional, scared daughter, needing a hug from her sister after recently finding out the chances of having a child some day are slim to none? Maybe.

Or maybe it’s a single, 25 year old, with the potential to advocate for open and honest discussion about infertility amongst women, trying to embrace the help, guidance, and love of those around me while praying that someday, I’ll be lucky enough to have a child. (I never said I had to physically give birth…less pain, right?)

My name is Kari and 75% of the people reading this most likely said my name wrong.

I’m almost 25, going through infertility treatments and finding joy in the opportunity God had provided to have a voice for the women who don’t think they do.

We can get through this. We will get through this by praying, hugging, laughing and educating.

Infertility isn’t contagious, and it’s not something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. It’s just part of your story. Now, it’s up to you on whether or not you’ll finish the chapter as it was written, or if you’ll try to change the author’s initial setup.

Helpful hint–don’t be that person. The authors always have better endings…after all they created the characters, right? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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