The Absence Of Missing You

I am learning that there is nothing to miss but your absence. I have to love you from a distance because you were never meant to be mine. I am learning that nostalgia from missing you doesn’t mean I want you back. As much as I wished you could have mine, you had to leave for the better. Losing you made me learn to choose myself for once; it was not worth giving every inch of myself to those who take but never give anything in return.

I am letting you go because I have abandoned myself by loving you more than I should have; I forgot to spare even an ounce of love for myself. I have to let you go because loving you is a cryptic cycle; you gave me the empty illusion that loving you more deeply would make you stay, but staying was never an option.

For too long, I always thought that losing you would mean losing myself, so I clung to you in fear. How naïve was I to believe you could complete me, that we could be everlasting as one. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we had never met. Maybe I would’ve never planted a whole universe within you instead of myself.

You came into my life like a hurricane, throwing me into the trenches of you and leaving me impairable. I remember how foolish I was for thinking that you would be the one to keep me safe when I was engulfed in your violent waves. I remember how foolish I was trying to keep myself afloat to savage our love. I remember how foolish I was trying to scream your name within your currents trying to fight for us. I remember how foolish I was for thinking you would save me. How foolish was I to think that we could repair the love we once had.

About the author
Writer about all things from love and heartbreak from Vancouver, B.C. Follow Karen on Instagram or read more articles from Karen on Thought Catalog.

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