I’ll Never Forgive Myself For Losing You

Courtney Emery
Courtney Emery

We were so young when we fell in love.

I met you at that party, the one my best friend brought me to. I didn’t know you or anyone there, but that would soon change. My entire life was about to change because of you.

We soon became inseparable, spending every spare moment together, and it wasn’t long before I was deeply in love with you. No one had ever made me feel like you did; you were the most beautiful person I had ever known. We would talk for hours, and you always knew how to make me laugh. You knew everything about me, and I had never felt so safe. You were my lover, my best friend, and my partner in crime.

I had many other relationships before you, and even dared to say I had loved some, but none even came close; I had never known how strong and pure love could really feel. You were the first person I had ever discussed a future with; you would describe different ways of how you would propose, where we would get married, and name our future children. I wanted it so badly – your last name, to be your wife. I was meant to be yours. We spent 4 wonderful years together, the best of my life.

You were the love of my life.

Then I lost you, with no one but myself to blame.

After an argument, I made a choice out of anger and frustration that I could not undo. If only I could have known what my decision would mean for us, I promise I would never have taken you for granted like I did. For years I wished I could go back and undo the pain and hurt that I caused you; the pain I saw in your eyes whenever you looked at me – which you barely could.

You tried to accept my tearful apologies and let me back in, but it was too late. I had caused too much damage, and your heart was still shattered. I saw the pain in your eyes when you touched me, unsure if I was still yours. I had violated your trust, your friendship, and your love, and we would never be the same.

We would never recover. 

Feeling your heart shatter is the worst pain one can experience, but breaking your own heart is absolutely paralyzing.

They say that you can’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone, and I have never known that to be truer. Years later, no one has ever replaced you in my heart. I’m so sorry for all the pain and hurt I caused you. I only hope that you have found happiness, and found the love that you deserve.

I will never stop missing or loving you. 

I will never stop being sorry. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog