Dear God, Are You There?

Hey God, Are you there?

I lay here in my bed, it’s dark outside, but it’s not as dark as the thoughts drifting through my head.

I scream but nothing comes out, I ask God, if He can hear my struggles? Can He feel my pain?

I can’t control the flow of tears falling from my eyes, I can’t even feel them, they seem to know the path they flow down my cheeks, and my skin became desensitized to them that they don’t sense them anymore.

My mind tells me I’m a fool, for I’m waiting for an answer that will never come.

My heart says maybe, just maybe this time it will be different.

“God, are you there?” I whisper in my sleep.

I know that your plans are just and good, I know there’s a timing for everything, but this hurt is too much that I can’t see the light anymore.

How do you expect me to believe this is good for me? How can this pain, this fear, this storm rising be for my own benefit?

I know you want me to say “ Thy Will Be Done,” and believe me I want, but I can’t. You created me with a free will, and I’m not asking you to make my will prevail, but I’m asking you to give me some time to accept your will, to give me a break to figure out everything, and then I can surrender.

I know I need to have a leap of faith, to just believe that in this darkness there will be light, that in this storm there will be refuge, in this pain there will be victory.

I keep tossing and turning, my anxiety is telling me there is no hope, but my heart is telling me just to have a little faith.

The next thing I know, it’s the morning, and the light is coming into the room, there is no darkness for now, and perhaps a promise, of a new day, a new fight, a new hope.