You leave the first date on cloud nine and think that maybe she could be “the one”. At the very least you’re excited for your next date. Then, you “hear crickets.”
As a matchmaker, I have met many people whose biggest complaint is that they can’t understand why a first date didn’t lead to a second. Sometimes it’s for the obvious reason — no chemistry. Often however, it is something you did that your date found offensive. Even something that turns people off “a little” will be enough to crush your chances for date #2.
1. Text us too much before or after the date?
Eager beavers need not apply. Remain a mystery until the second drink. We don’t care what you had for breakfast, and we don’t want to think this is your first date in a long time. A brief text to say you had fun with a cute emoji is acceptable but wait a couple days before asking us out again.
2. Arrive late?
Don’t say “I’m almost there” if we are waiting for you in a bar in Union Square and you haven’t left your office in Brooklyn. Rule of thumb, job interviews and first dates, don’t be late!
3. Drink too much?
We loved hearing the story about how you caught the game-winning touchdown in high school, the first two times. Are you boring or intoxicated? In either case, it’s not attractive.
4. Get us drunk?
We see you pouring more wine in our glass and innocently cheering us on to join in a tequila shot. We KNOW where you are going with this, trust us.
5. Chew loudly or with your mouth open?
Did you know a sign of intelligence is the inability to handle loud chewing noises? Some people find it intolerable. I can assure you, your date will be one of them. Open our door, pull out our chair and don’t ever chew with your mouth open.
6. Forget to leave your day (and your cell phone) at the door?
First dates are for connecting, not divulging. You got in a fight with your boss today? Your oldgirlfriend got engaged to your old best friend? Check your coat, your phone and the bad day you had at the door. Focus on us and the great time we are going to have, please.
7. Compare us to celebrities?
You remind me of Melissa McCarthy! My personality or figure? Angelina Jolie! Crazy Angie, humanitarian mother of six or the Angie that ties Brad to the bed? See? It’s very confusing to us. Some men dig Kelly Clarkson or Katy Perry but we guarantee you, your date thinks she’s prettier than both of them.
8. Talk about your health?
No one is perfect and at some point in our lives health issues may come up. They should NEVER be discussed on a first date. We don’t want to know that you have high blood pressure or that your doctor told you to lose weight or that you have been diagnosed with anything! It’s a first date. Keep it to yourself.
9. Order for us?
We are not your child or a Stepford Wife. You are not Christian Grey. We are capable of ordering what we want to eat and drink, thank you.
10. Ask us to split the check?
The man pays on the first date, period. Even if we asked you out. If you question this, we can predict that it is unlikely you will have a second date.
11. Tell us you are meeting a buddy later?
It seems innocent enough but leaves us with lots of questions. Is he into me? Will he invite me to go with him? Is the “friend” a guy or a girl? Get the picture?
12. Forget to brush your teeth?
Bad breath is the number one turnoff and reason why we will not date you again. Good hygiene and fresh breath … it’s so easy.
There are so many do’s and don’ts on a first date but just remember this is your opportunity to shine! As a good person, friend and in the name of your gender. Your objective is to be the best version of “you” so that you can secure date No. 2.
Smile, be happy and if you don’t feel chemistry with us, it’s OK. We will rave to our friends about what a great date we had with a quality guy. Word travels and who knows, we might want to introduce you to a friend.