Cheating Hurts So Much More When A ‘Good Guy’ Does It

Unsplash / Pablo Heimplatz

We don’t agree with or condone cheating. However, it is an undeniable fact in our dating culture, and sadly our married culture, that cheating happens all the time.

Cheating is gut wrenching and devastating to all of those involved. It is one of those terribly fucked situations that everyone has an opinion about. We hate to talk about it, but we love talking about it. A story about cheating is always a juicy one.

If you were the cheater, you dodge that conversation like the plague. When the role is reversed and you were cheated on, you can’t wait to tell the world how terrible the person who cheated on you is, knowing that the world will take your side. We judge the shit out of people who cheat, even if we’ve cheated before.

The act of cheating is intriguing to us all, single, dating, or married. It’s a potential shark in the water at all times. No one is safe. It sounds depressing to say, but it seems that even the strongest relationships are at risk for a cheater at some point in time, we are humans after all.

Cheating can be anything from a bar make-out to a one-night stand to a full on affair. The options are endless, which only furthers the idea that eventually someone will cheat in some way, shape, or form.

As my sister and I discussed this hot topic, we had one burning question that came to mind. Is cheating somehow worse if you’re with someone who you would never expect to cheat on you? If you settle down with a straight laced, rule following, honest person wouldn’t it hurt more if they cheated on you?

If you are dating or married to a total playboy/girl, when you commit to that relationship you sort of know cheating is a more likely possibility. Should they actually do it, we’d think you would be less caught off guard. Wouldn’t part of you have known all along this was inevitable?

Throughout our dating experiences, we’ve dated really great guys who we never would have expected to cheat who did cheat AND we’ve also dated player types who cheated. Yes, all scenarios were hurtful, however, the shock factor and greater pain came from the great guys.

So what did the good guys have to offer? What made us so sure they wouldn’t cheat?

It’s not just about how much they like you, it’s about who they are as a person, their moral code, and confidence. If a guy is sure of himself, confident, and doesn’t need to go out and flirt with slutty chicks for a short term self esteem boost, logic would tell you they wouldn’t cheat.

This is the type of guys that goes to Vegas for a bachelor party, and all the while you would sleep soundly at night knowing he’s out with his friends having a fun, but zero worry or fear of him cheating or disrespecting you.

But what if he did? What if a sweet, honest, genuine, confident, and trustworthy guy like that does in fact cheat? What if he has an affair? What if he sleeps with a girl one time and still texts her when he thinks about her randomly? What would you honestly do here?

When this guy cheats, it guts you to your core. You didn’t remotely see it coming. You’ve had no time to prepare yourself.

Further, he was the guy for you that broke the mold. He was the one that redeemed all shitty guys round the world. He was the one that made you think: “See… there are still good guys left!”

To have that crash and burn in front of your very eyes is tragic, and leaves you to think that yes, you absolutely cannot trust anyone at all.

If you date a guy who was a “player” when you met who “changed his ways” for you, you always know that cheating is a risk. This guy is usually good looking, charming, and has some kind of X factor that makes him an absolute chick magnet.

These are the things that attracted you to him in the first place. When he goes out for guys nights, you feel that tiny worry in the back of your mind perk up on “what if… what if…” and clue in endless options of what exactly he’s doing.

If that fateful day comes when he cheats, you aren’t shocked. You’ve got your arsenal already stocked with ammo. You’ve got your first 20 moves and arguments already mapped out and ready to go. You’ve prepared for battle in a time of peace and now you are ready for war.

Are you devastated? Absolutely! You always want to believe that someone was capable of changing for you. Are you surprised? No, not really.

This is even worse because you end up hating yourself for actually believing he wanted to be good to you. You might be winning your arguments with him, but you’re losing it with yourself because you can’t help but think to yourself, YOU KNEW THIS ALL ALONG, YOU IDIOT.

Cheating is the biggest betrayal of trust in a relationship. If you feel betrayed by someone who you never in a million years could imagined would cheat on you, it changes your entire perspective on them as a person.

You can’t reconcile the painful mental images of them cheating with the great guy you knew them to be.  You don’t go through this additional pain when a player cheats on you, because the “cheating” characteristic is something you’ve already attributed to who they are.

The danger in a “non-cheater” type cheating on you, is that it has the potential to cause you to lose faith in everyone, especially the “non-cheater” types around the world.

That, to us, is the thing that makes for a worse cheating scenario, if there even is such a thing. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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