5 Places You’ll Find DC Interns Completely Lose Their Shit

When most people think of summer in DC, images of sweaty bureaucrats in Men’s Wearhouse suits and overflowing happy hours come to mind. The less jaded look forward to yard sales and lemonade stands around garden district. Everyone though (happy, sour, and in between) prepares for the impending onslaught of intern season.

Some foreseeable scenes include: puking outside Madam’s Organ, exuberant parents walking down the Georgetown side of M street, the national mall packed to the brim for screen on the green. Say what you will about the cohorts’ capacity for debauchery and general ignorance to their new surroundings; they bring an inquisitive energy that serves an important counterpoint to D.C.’s stale bureaucracy. They’re unprepared yet curious, self-conscious yet outgoing, and endlessly inebriated. I, for one, am damn excited. Here are the five best places to find D.C. interns losing their shit.

1. The McDonalds on 14th and U Street

Google Maps
Google Maps

Morning, noon, and night this McDs is a hotbed of nefarious activity. Most interns capitalize on the late night restroom access, but long lines sometimes force young people to pull the maybe-if-I-squeeze-into-this-corner-no-one-will-see-me-urinate.

2. Nellies

image - Flickr / Ted Eytan
image – Flickr / Ted Eytan

Induction to Nellies is similar to a first experience with Pride; plenty of tooshy grabs, strong well drinks, and sweaty dancing. Weekend nights are prime for catching guileless interns, unaware of what they’ve gotten themselves into.

3. Hawk ‘n’ Dove

Google Maps
Google Maps

The two star yelp review is a good precursor to Hawk ‘n’ Dove. Laura C. of Seattle, WA asks, “WTF is the bartender with the ponytail’s problem? Why are you so mean, sir?” Well Laura, the ponytail may be the bartender’s first problem. The second, I’m sure, is the mere fact he works at one of the few dance-bar-hybrids open till 3am on weekends, which are lenient on IDs. Interns can be found replicating mixer-style grinding on the small dance floor upstairs.

4. Madhatter

Google Maps
Google Maps

Madhatter is the archetypal Hill-intern happy hour bar, complete with $1 beer nights and raucous fist pumping. Come here to find the overachieving carefully sip Yuengling in front of their supervisors, and their supervisors wondering if they made the right move coming here with their interns.

5. Front Page

Google Maps
Google Maps

Conveniently adjacent to the Dupont stop (on the CVS side) interns use Front Page as a central meeting point for those unfortunates staying at American University. A small beer selection, indeterminate character, and questionable quesadillas are no problem when you’re too stressed out managing schedules and plugging numbers into Excel.

Washington D.C. gets long, humid, and dry summers. The annual arrival of countless interns will inevitably tax patience in cramped corners of the city, but pocket judgments and be thankful for the live theatre. TC mark


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