I’ve been told too many times, “I don’t get you.” In times that I try to explain my emotions, or how my heart feels so much, so deeply. And I am asked, “Why are you this way?” During the moments that I express my emotions and let tears fall, and the instances that I let my soul leak through my lips to let the world have pieces of myself. I share my heart loudly and in whispers, with everything that hurts, and everything that makes my free spirit dance.
My heart is a warrior that fights battles against gravity’s army. She is undying and she beats with such a ferocity that I even wonder how she stays so strong. When I feel like breaking down, she pulls me up and tells me, “You are alive.” And I carry her in a warmth that I only know from past loves. Despite how protective I am of it, my heart is a star that is always sewn onto my sleeve. I don’t keep it a secret, I let it shine and touch everyone it comes across with its coronas.
My soul is her own spirit. Something even I cannot handle at times. She decides to be happy, and she laughs and runs through the rain with her arms spread out. And when she is sad, her eyes still sparkle with dreams and everything that she sees in her future. She is me. She is my emotions, my heart, my past, and my future knotted together with threads so twisted and looped that they only grow, and they never untangle. She is the wildflower that dances with passing breezes and summer storms. And she is the old, posted oak tree that grows naked and crystallized in the cold.
I am wild, but I am soft in the ways that my heart fights for every day and my spirit stretches. I’ve been told that I’m too much. But I’ve also been told that I am not enough. And my heart and my spirit remind me that I am everything more. I am a lover of depth, so I become the ocean. I am more because I am an amoeba that brings more life to the deep blues. I am more because I am also the waves that never end because they are a force of nature that will never be controlled.
I answer to “I don’t get you,” with, “You will never have me.” And I reply to “Why are you this way?” By saying, “Because I am in love with my soul.” My heart and spirit can never be broken because I am more than anything you could ever imagine. I am the atoms, the Stardust, and the waves.