When The New Year Comes, This Is What You’ll Remember

girl wandering around next to a tree
Roberto Nickson

You beautiful soul, you’ve made it another year, and you can’t believe that you really are here today.

For every time you almost gave up, and every night that you almost let yourself sink deeper into the abyss that you called your “darker days,” And for every day that you were surprised to truly be enjoying yourself in a rare instance. These are the moments I want you to remember.

Remember the night you cried yourself to sleep and still woke up the next morning with a tinge of sadness left in your heart. You looked at yourself in the mirror after icing your swollen cheeks, and concealing the dark circles that orbited your still bright eyes. “I’ll be okay,” you told yourself. And it was a moment that you felt in control and you felt strong. You were okay. You would be okay. This was a start.

Remember the day you decided to take a long walk, and you stumbled into a forgotten field of wildflowers. It wasn’t a hot day. There was a slight chill in the early spring air, but you wore overalls and your dirty sneakers. Your face was makeup-free, your unwashed hair in a sad attempt of a bun. And you sat in the field of flowers and just watched the colors of periwinkle, white, yellows, and orange blur. The wind tousled the buds with gentle fingers, and you felt peaceful. You felt like you belonged.

Keep in mind how freely, how loud you laughed with your loved ones on a spontaneous trip to the beach. When you let out your self-proclaimed weird dance moves at the beach. Or when an ice-cold wave of saltwater hit your body, and you shrieked and laughed at the feeling. Remember how you went to sleep every night that weekend with an exhausted smile. A small sting of sunburn from your shoulders rubbing on bed sheets, and a ceiling fan blowing cool air on your forehead. No matter how cold things could be, a blue ocean wave, or gusts of mechanical air, you were always warm. You called yourself a lover of winter and a snow soul, but you became a pool of love under the sun.

Remember how much you couldn’t stop smiling from a trip to the amusement park. Even through the freezing downpour and the fact that you could practically see your breath every time you laughed. Fun became something that you weren’t sure you’d find again. But you did. And your face ached, and your eyes danced. Realizing you were still so full of life was exhilarating. It was the adrenaline rush of going down a roller coaster, where your stomach is in your heart, and your eyes are wide open looking at the sky. You are the up and down that life brings, but you always make it. 

Remember everything. Your friends that continued to make you laugh and smile. Your family that reminded you of all the love you deserved and showered you with the adoration and support you could only get from people who truly cared. Remember making yourself a daisy crown in tall grass, and remember the tears that came from laughing too hard, and not the ones that came from a broken heart. You are a soul that is so full of joy and warmth.

You deserve everything beautiful, and the heart on your sleeve deserves everything more. TC mark

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