“Blondes have more fun,” they say. “Gentlemen prefer blondes,” they say. Obviously, such opinions are up for debate, but there’s something oh-so-special about going blonde. Think about it! Kim Kardashian’s been blonde. Beyonce’s been blonde. J. Lo should patent her signature shade of honey and caramel blonde.
Of course, being blonde is kind of a pain in the ass. There’s the maintenance, the fact that your hair constantly feels like straw due to all that bleach, the purple shampoo and the unwanted attention. But it is special, and once you’ve tried life on the blonde side, it’s hard to go back. Whether you’re a current blonde, a former blonde who gave up the bottle or just the BFF of a blondie, you’ve probably had these experiences.
1. When you go out with your brunette BFF, you get a lot of attention. It’s the whole “Blair and Serena” thing.
2. People legitimately think you’re an airhead just because your hair is blonde.
3. Then again, you can blame your occasional airhead moments on your hair color and people will laugh because dumb blonde jokes will never die.
4. If you’ve perfected platinum blonde, be prepared for people to ask you, “Is your hair real?” My favorite response to such a question is, “Real expensive.”
5. “Hey, blondie!” is a sufficient catcall by male standards. You resent being called “blondie.”
6. Your hair looks really good in black & white. There’s a reason so many of Marilyn Monroe’s most iconic pictures were shot that way.
7. Goodbye, money. Every mandatory salon trip to get your roots done ends up costing you over $100, unless you have a stylist friend who’ll fix you up in her kitchen for the cost of bleach and developer.
8. You know what 20 vol developer and toners do, and you can now mix them up yourself and not freak out that you’re dyeing your hair purple or burning it into frizzy spaghetti noodles.
9. Purple shampoo is your BFF forever.
10. When you see people with poor bleach jobs or brassy, orange roots, you can’t help but shudder and wish it wasn’t weird to go up to a stranger and be like, “Hey, do you know about purple shampoo?”
11. If you’ve got a blonde BFF, sometimes you’re relieved that strangers at the bar go up to her first. Sometimes you’re jealous.
12. You know that blonde comes in all colors: strawberry, butter, champagne, platinum, silver … the list goes on (and on, and on!)
13. If you change your hair color, you’re happy for awhile but then, one day, you begin to long for happier, blonder days. This often means you’ll do whatever is necessary to go back to blonde, even if it means stripping dark brunette out of your scalp at the expense of your hair and your wallet.
14. Depending on your shade of blonde, there are certain colors you cannot wear. Beige is either The Best Color Ever or Something to Stay Away From Forever. Navy, though, is always good.
15. Were you born a blonde? There’s a good chance your lashes and brows are pretty pale. It’s great when it comes to your leg hair, but when you have invisible lashes, it’s not a cute look.
16. Your roots are “just fine” for a few weeks after a bleach job, but one day you look in the mirror and you’re like, “Oh god! I am so hideous!”
17. You try for a more “natural look” with lowlights and feel like you’re basically a brunette.
18. If you were a blonde kid, you have painful memories of long, arduous salon treatments to get all that chlorine green out of your lovely locks.
19. You never have to worry about dry shampoo or baby powder looking grey in your hair – that’s a huge perk, because you don’t wanna wash faux-blonde hair too much.
20. It becomes part of your identity. Even if you give it up in favor of healthier, less expensive shades, you were a blonde once, and you’ll be a blonde forever.