Today in The Worst News Ever, country supercouple Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton released a statement announcing their divorce after four years of marriage. This comes as a serious blow to those of us who believed in true love, as Blake and Miranda were always counted as one of those couples we thought would make it, a Tim and Faith for the ages. But now theyâre donezo and we need to let them go and be free ⌠and wait with bated breath for the incredible breakup album that weâll get from Miranda. After all, Blake sold out to pop-country and got a big Hollywood ego, and Miranda does her best work when sheâs heartbroken and/or pissed off.
Are you as devastated as I am? Good. I made us a playlist of Mirandaâs best heartbreak songs, from her quiet and sad moments where she really shines to those bad-bitch with a bone to pick riots that made her famous. No one masters the emotions of a country breakup quite like our girl.
âSame Old Youâ
You know when you realize that no matter what, this relationship ainât gonna work? You love each other, but youâre tired of his shit and youâre out of there? This is the perfect song to articulate that feeling. Maybe itâs an ex you reconnected with on the off chance that he had changed, but whoops, he didnât! Maybe your man just sucks. Youâve done some thinkinâ, and you think youâre done with him. See ya later. Youâre sad, but itâs the best for both of you.
âLove Lettersâ
âLove Lettersâ is a classic country weepie. âYouâve broken my heart for the last time,â she sings in her goodbye. Miranda knows that this breakup has to happen, but sheâs allowing herself to be bummed out.
âHard Staying Soberâ
Itâs totally true that when youâre completely devastated, a drink or five is a great way to divert your attention. âItâs hard staying sober when Iâm getting over you,â says Miranda. The idea of coming home to an empty house is keeping her at the bar.
âDesperation”
Mid-breakup, you have days where all you want to do is stay in bed hiding under the covers and feeling completely terrible. You want to text them, call them, beg for another chance, but you know thatâs not gonna happen. Youâre just going to feel desperate and dejected for awhile. Miranda understands.
âBetter in the Long Runâ
Awwww, this is a duet with Blake. We shouldâve seen it coming, read between the lines. The two sing about loving each other but not being able to make it work, and that giving up will be better in the long run. Miranda released this in 2011. Why did we turn a blind eye to it? Hope and faith in love, I guess.
âCrazy Ex-Girlfriendâ
Miranda is the patron saint of crazy ex-girlfriends. This classic Miranda jam includes the stellar line, âWhen you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail.â Itâs OK to be pissed off and jealous, honey.
âMamaâs Broken Heartâ
During my own insanely painful breakup in 2011, I played the shit out of this one. No one knows how raw and awful you feel when love goes bust like Miranda.
âBaggage Claimâ
However, that pain canât last too long. Soon youâre seeing your ex for the shitty person they were, and remembering all their faults. Youâre actually glad to be done with them and feel so much lighter now that youâre not carting around all their emotional baggage. Play this one with the windows down when youâre zooming down the highway and belt every word. Better yet â play it twice. They ainât your problem now.
âI Canât Be Botheredâ
Youâre finally done feeling sorry for yourself and shitty about your failed relationship. Youâre ready to move on, shove the mementos under the bed and fall in love again. You canât be bothered to miss that stupid ex. Youâre moving on! Youâre golden.
âLove Your Memoryâ
Except when youâre not. Itâs OK to miss them sometimes, to save those memories for a rainy day and revisit them when you want to wallow. You donât wanna see them in person, but you might want to dwell on the good times tonight. Let Miranda join you.