In all my years, there are a handful of secrets and rules that I have found to be 100% true at all times. And it’s very rude to keep such gems to yourself, so I’m sharing them with you in hopes that they’ll enrich your life as they have mine. I’m so wise I’m practically Yoda at this point.
1. Walmart is home to the best $5 booty shorts and bikini tops, as well as the best thick, chunky “boyfriend socks” that girls like to wear in that cliché photo of socks and coffee on a white bed. This is just absolute fact. I don’t care if you hate Walmart. Go see and you will know the truth. I promise you.
2. If you crave Taco Bell, you will never satisfy said craving with an alternative option. You just have to go get Taco Bell. It’s an inescapable part of life.
3. If you feel like a store is calling you in, GO IN THERE and check it out. I got “called” into Marshall’s last week and voila – there was the perfect suitcase I had been looking for on clearance! It was even pale pink!
4. You will always have car problems when there’s either a shit-ton of snow or it’s well below freezing.
5. Things to work on embracing: your skin, your hair, your body. You can’t change that shit. Unless you’re willing to spend a lot of money.
6. Don’t waste your time being jealous of people on social media – it’s hard not to, I know, but it isn’t worth it. Take a few minutes and write down a few things you’re thankful for or that you love about your own life, and be grateful for what you have.
7. Don’t be an asshole to other girls because you think they’re prettier or more stylish or happier than you. Jealousy is not a cute look.
8. There will always be someone who doesn’t like you, but it’s not about you. It’s about them. Don’t take it to heart.
9. Always have a party dress in your closet. A crazy outrageous one.
10. You fall in love when you least expect it, when you aren’t planning for it. And you usually fall in love with someone you wouldn’t originally go for, which is just the magic of love.
11. In addition, you can meet a true love (I say “a” because I think you get more than one) on Twitter. I encourage it, actually.
12. It’s OK not to be happy and cheerful and sweet all the time. Just don’t take it out on other people.
13. You get better sleep in cute pajamas. It’s just the rules, I guess.
14. It’s a good idea to develop a relationship with your nail lady, hairstylist, UPS guy, barista … it’s a win-win because you make each other’s lives better!
15. The people who stick around sometimes surprise you. And the people who disappear from your world, well, sometimes that’s a sad surprise too.
16. Girls are the best. Don’t be that girl who says, “I’m just better friends with guys because girls are like, so dramatic.” That’s not true.
17. You’ll be so much happier if you just like what you like and don’t apologize for it. Don’t let the words “guilty pleasure” into your lexicon.
18. Brilliant thoughts always come to you when you’re sleeping or driving. Why is that? I kept a notebook by my bed for said thoughts but then they went away. Brilliant thoughts can’t be caged, I guess.
19. Life is sad and grey sometimes, but you have to take it into your own hands and make your life as magical as you can, whether that’s throwing yourself a party on a Monday night or taking a bubble bath or just spending extra time with someone you love, you gotta do it. It’s like that B.O.B. song – you’ve got the magic in you.